#cashtag: #SportsWouldBeBetterIf

March, 9, 2012
Before we announce the winner of last week's #cashtag -- sentences that have #NeverBeenUttered -- we need to tell you what happened to the winners from the last two weeks.

1) The guy who won for #LamestJockMoment, Wes Katagi ... ("7th grade swim meet. I won the 50M freestyle race only to be informed it was the breast stroke event") ... donated his $7.93, plus another $13.07, for a total of $20, to Nothing But Nets, our anti-malaria bednet campaign in Africa. Genius!

2) The guy who won for #WorstSportsMascot ... (Mindy, the Pregnant Groupie) ... Jay Bellwoar, actually DID buy a grilled-cheese sandwich at Denny's with his money and tweeted this picture to prove it. This is history, people. Photo by Rose Covalesky.

Furthermore, you need to know that this week's #cashtag is #SportsWouldBeBetterIf.

For instance, if you wrote, "#SportsWouldBeBetterIf ... You got to hit again after a home run" you might win $7.93!

Or if you wrote, "All of Cleveland's teams were switched with all of Boston's teams" you might win $7.93.

Or if you wrote, "Swimsuit models delivered the magazine directly to your house" you might win $7.93.

#NeverBeenUttered, meanwhile, proved to be a fertile ground for your odd minds. It was our most successful #Cashtag ever, in terms of making me blow cereal milk out my nose. As usual, the best ones were too dirty to print.

WINNER OF $7.93 (taxable income)

"Tim Tebow... You ARE the father."
Jake Snyder @JakeSnyder1865


"What are your academic standards, Mr. Calipari?"
Jim Bucher @JimBucher70

"How much to ship the Lombardi Trophy to Cleveland?"
Nick Chastain @fetus45056nc

"Rex Ryan was speechless."
Josh @jwshack

"I can't go out tonight guys, there is a WNBA game on."
Luke Daugherty @lukedaugherty11

"Ripken playing today?"
Brian Green @greenmobe

"Lucas Oil Stadium: The House that Irsay Built."
Jefferson Boswell @jeffersonboz

"Mr. Kobayashi, would you like a box for your leftovers?"
Dayton Martindale @DaytonRMartind

"I'm full." - Charles Barkley
Adam Evans #BCSsucks @AdamHashtagEvan


"Antonio Cromartie.....you are NOT the father!"
Ian Michael @DieFacingTheSun

"Polamalu, get a haircut!"
Alex K. @Number1CSUFan

"And Blake Griffin goes up for a layup."
David Manners @DavidManners

"Peyton Manning was such a d*ck for leaving Indy the way he did."
Travis Reed @doreedo1420

"Please give a warm welcome to our keynote speaker, Leon Spinks."
Dean Smith @Deanmsmith

"Carmelo Anthony is really trying to get his teammates involved tonight."
Brandon Adams @superbranman

"Mike Vick, would u mind dog sitting for me this weekend?"
Elle Hagedorn @whatsthatsmELLE

"Not tonight, Wilt, I have a headache"
Scott Coe @scoutcannon

"The safety's on, Mr. Burress."
Adam Mack @AdamAMack

"The ball really jumps off the bat here at Petco Park."
Bob Brainerd @BobBrainerd

"Welcome to the Palms Mr. Dykstra, can we offer you a line of credit during your stay?"
Randy @965Randy

"I simply must know who your tailor is, Mr. Sager."
Jeff LeMaster @TheJeffLeMaster

"The Bulls would have been nothing without Bill Wennington."
Derek Lippincott @derrrrrique

"Yo Lebron, great fourth quarter"
Judd Liebman @Juddtl

"Thank god we're still paying Bobby Bonilla."
Dan Beach @themagicrat88

"Jamie Moyer officially retires."
Dustin schemmel @schem_hut

"We couldn't keep up with Ben Crane's group."
Curt Goodwin @CurtOU

"Congratulations Danica, you passed the defensive driving test with flying colors!"
Nick Seiler @nick_seiler

"Michael Jordan for NBA Executive of the year!"
Chris Burns @burnsbleedsblue

"Thanks for the pass, Kobe"
Ross MacPherson @RossMacPherson8

"Sorry Mr. Zuckerman, your credit card has been declined..."
Jay Stalnaker @jaystalnaker420

"My bracket has Northwestern going to the sweet sixteen!"
Jeffrey Aday @JeffreyAday

“I’m really looking forward to working with Todd Haley."
mendo_matt @MileHiBroncoGuy

"What a dunk by Derek Fisher"
Dhruv Madeka @DhruvMadeka

"We never should've gotten rid of Jamarcus Russell.
@billadelphia14 ... billy Grenfell

"Saints defense reportedly kept secret "Build-a-Bear" fund"
Nicolas Lewis @DoctorGeeves

"Augusta National is offering a Buy One, Get One Free deal (includes cart)."
John Reilly @peachrules