Commentary

Can't we just get a grip on things?

From football to Twitter to Actor Fantasy, it was a bad week to drop the ball

Updated: November 29, 2010, 2:10 PM ET
By Ben Rogers and Jeff "Skin" Wade | ESPNDallas.com

The Give and Go is Ben and Skin's weekly back and forth on anything from the world of sports that they feel compelled to carry on about. The word waterfalls cascading through this cyberspace are the absurd products of Ben and Skin, and only Ben and Skin. The ideas expressed in this "column" in no way represent the thoughts of anyone else even remotely related to ESPN Dallas. In fact, ESPN Dallas has no idea what to make of any of this. Actually they're quite worried. We mean like really, really worried. We're venturing into inmates running the asylum territory. We're through the looking glass here. This isn't Kansas anymore. We also acknowledge that those last three sentences were definitely overkill. So uhh, oh yeah, you can hear the aural version of this insanity every weekday from 9 a.m. to noon on 103.3 FM ESPN. Here come the Internet, sucka:

Handle it, Roy

Ben: Poor Roy Williams must have his mojo dial stuck on Bill Buckner. Things just haven't panned out in Dallas for Williams, one of the key pieces of evidence in the case against Jerry Jones as general manager. Knowing that his time with the Cowboys is dwindling down, he may have fancied reaching the endzone on that ill-fated play as a big chance to audition his skills for his next team. Dude needs a fresh start almost as bad as our publicly forgotten home run buddy Chris Davis of the Texas Rangers.

[+] EnlargeAlan Rickman
Danny Martindale/Getty ImagesThe pretentious Alan Rickman could be a late-round sleeper in Actor Fantasy leagues.
Skin: I felt so bad for that dude. And I never feel bad for multi-millionaires. Well except for those Enron guys. Man did they get jobbed and they seemed so lovable. Oh yeah, and the Robert Tiltons of the world who are getting crazy paid for spittin' that good gospel only to go down in a fireball of scandal despite having Heaven Jets. And that whole John DeLorean thing -- dude was just trying to get out of bankruptcy by redirecting a little ye-yo. How could you not feel for him? And of course Mr. Burns when he lost all his dough in that Coca-Cola commercial. That's tragedy right there. I feel bad for all those dudes but none of 'em will stick around in the locker room after they cause a loss and answer questions so I like Roy the best.

Ben: Speaking of DeLoreans, if Jerry could find one with a flux capacitor what decisions do you think he'd most like a do-over on? I wonder if he has heartfelt Jimmy regret. I'm sure he'd rethink Quincy, Bobby Carpenter and Roy. For that matter, every one of his draft picks not named DeMarcus Ware might need a re-do. Is there any question that Jerry Jr. would play the Biff role in this glorious football fantasy? Speaking of, how is your fantasy team doing this year?

Skin: My Actor Fantasy league? Horribly, like always. I burned my first pick on Mel Gibson. Who could have known he was such a head case? Plus his bum shoulder is always popping out of place. But I can't blame any of my terrible mid-round picks on a Russian mistress blowing up the spot with abusive recorded phone conversations. Bette Midler, Gary Busey, Parker Stevenson -- that was the alcohol drafting for me right there.

College football broke Twitter Friday night

Skin: I know college football ain't your favorite, but it's looking like the Ft. Worth Frogs are going to the Rose Bowl if the unthinkable happens and they don't end up in the BCS Title Game instead. that's a strange new reality. Twitter was exploding Friday night as TCU fans were celebrating disastrous field goal follies by Boise State. Thinking that's the last time I'll ever be in the unique position of not being able to turn off a Nevada football game. I love when College Football is turned upside down, I just want to make sure nothing disrupts Cam Newton's dad from living the good life. The spirit of amateur athletics is alive and well.

[+] EnlargeShawn Bradley
Ronald Martinez/Getty ImagesCould Shawn Bradley's lower-back tattoo challenege DeShawn Stevenson's Abe Lincoln for excessive eyesore?
Ben: I realize I'm sleeping on the greatness of college football, but sportsdoctors have confirmed that I'm now officially in an indifference coma. Since I sampled every local junior college and never stayed on any one campus long enough for a classmate to nickname me "Frank the Tank" -- I suppose I never bonded with a college. So I don't have a team to follow in die hard fashion. In fact, I probably care more about my cherished memories from the movie Die Hard than I do about any of the college football programs I sampled en route to my extremely suspect patchwork college degree. Pardon me while I give a quick Give and Go shout out to my peoples at the Nakatomi Plaza security desk.

Skin: Alan Rickman is a pretty underrated late-round Actor Fantasy pick. He's always working, getting cast as either a pretentious snobby international terrorist, a pretentious snobby wine enthusiast or a pretentious snobby professor of some sort. Dude is a grinder. I'm actually working with MTV right now in developing a Cam Newton telemusical. I'd like to cast Usher as Cam and Justin Bieber as himself. Thinking Michael Jackson's dad Joe as Cecil and Tom Selleck as Ian Fitzsimmons. And of course Alan Rickman as one of Cam's professors.

Ben: Brilliant! You, sir, are to casting what Yoda is to light sabering, what the Smoke Monster is to being lost on a Hawaiian island and what Kurt Russell was to the tank top wearing community back in 1987. Wait, what were you saying about frogs?

Abe tats never lie

Ben: I loved seeing LeBron, his decision and his extremely expensive sidekicks leave the AAC with a big, fat L on Saturday. I missed the pregame introductions, did the three Heat superstars all parachute down to the court or surf down on dry-ice and lasers from the second deck? I wonder what it's like to be that awesome at empty hype. Meanwhile, this Mavs boat appears to be real. Four wins in five nights against a handful of pretty nice squads has me ready to believe again.

Skin: Hard not to think of the first 8 games of the season for LeBron's favorite football team as you watch the Heat wildly underachieve. I thought for sure the Dampier signing would pull that thing out of the ditch but not even he could stop the approach of three different guys taking turns isolating for 48 minutes of basketball. Well no matter what happens nobody can take away that free-agency championship banner they hung back in July. I do like these Mavs, though. Lovin' DeShawn Stevenson's crazy Abe Lincoln art neck in the starting lineup too. Gives this team a "yeah-I'll-get-a-tattoo-on-my-eyeball" edge they sorely need.

Ben: In hindsight, it's kind of weird that Shawn Bradley's massive tattoo portfolio did so little to shed the Mavs of their previous label as a soft team. Or am I thinking of someone else? The one thing that still concerns me about the Mavs is a Dirk-or-nothing vibe I get from the offense at times. I think they need Roddy B's instant offense. Hopefully, Carlisle will stop holding him back with that foot injury so we can see what magic he has planned for his second year.

Skin: Bradley made the horrible mistake of getting a lower back tattoo of Tracy McGrady posterizing him. Poor choice. If Roddy B doesn't have a terrible case of slendor foot this team will explode when he return. They have everything except that one dude that nobody can keep in front of them. He represents that guy. Now if Brendan Haywood doesn't decide to get with the program and start playing like the $50 million-dollar man, then fans are going to start holding him in the same regard as poor Bradley and sad Damp.

Listen to Ben Rogers and Jeff "Skin" Wade weekdays from 9 a.m. to noon on ESPN 103.3 FM.

SPONSORED HEADLINES

MORE MLB HEADLINES