Commentary

Going Gaga over The Bottom 10

Originally Published: August 30, 2010
By David Duffey | ESPN.com

WEEK: Preseason | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13

The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:


Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-ro-ma-mah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

I want your ugly
I want your disease
I want your everything
As long as it's free
I want your love
(Love-love-love I want your love)

-- "Bad Romance," Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga pushes pop music's buttons. People wonder what she will do, wear, say and sing next. Well, the Gaga has nothing on The Bottom 10. There's no telling what the band of teams at the bottom of the college football barrel will deliver on the Saturday stage.

Western Kentucky and Eastern Michigan's matching 0-12 records in 2009 were ooh-la-la-worthy. The Bottom 10 figures to go gaga for the Hilltoppers and Eagles again in 2010, so it shouldn't be a surprise to see the divine duo atop our preseason rankings.

Speaking of dynamite duos, welcome back longtime Bottom 10 favorites U-L U-Pick 'em and F_U to the rankings. It's obvious that we want your love and love-love-love everything about the Ragin' Cajuns and Warhawks and Owls and Panthers.

However, there's no bad romance that The Bottom 10 loves more than the highly coveted No. 5 spot. Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah! to the men of Troy. From Pete Carroll's departure to Lane Kiffin's hiring to the NCAA sanctions to the returning of Reggie Bush's Heisman, the Trojans have been a college football paparazzi's dream. (Bottom 10 reminder: The No. 5 spot is reserved for the high-profile team that had the worst week -- or in this case, the worst offseason.)

Time to get off the telephone with Alejandro, Fernando, Roberto or whomever you might be talking to and just dance your way through our fame monster preseason edition.

So, with apologies to Steve Harvey, here's the 2010 preseason Bottom 10:

ESPN.com's Bottom 10
  RANK TEAM '09 RECORD COMMENT
1. Western Kentucky 0-12 "The Fame": With 20 straight losses in two seasons, the Hilltoppers are clearly "in it for the fame, fame, baby. The fame, fame."
2. Eastern Michigan 0-12 "Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)": Twelve losses in a row is impressive, but, "Not that I don't care about you. Just that things got so compliqué. Eh, eh. I met somebody cute and funny." See above.
3. New Mexico State 3-10 "Telephone": The Aggies can point to their seven consecutive losses, but they can't crack the top two -- yet. "Call all you want, but there's no one home. And you're not gonna reach my telephone."
4. North Texas 2-10 "Bad Romance": The Mean Green are 4-31 under Todd Dodge. "Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance."
5. USC 9-4 "Paparazzi": Probation. Lane Kiffin. Return to sender on Bush's Heisman. The camera lens is clearly focused on the Trojans. "Baby, there's no other superstar. You know that I'll be your Papa-paparazzi."
6. Miami (Ohio) 1-11 "Just Dance": How do the RedHawks move past their one-win 2009 season? "Just dance. Gonna be OK. Da-da-doo-doo. Just dance. Spin that record, babe."
7. F_U 8-16 "So Happy I Could Die": The Bottom 10 has missed good ol' F_U and proudly welcomes FAU and FIU back together. "Just know when that glass is empty that the world is gonna bend."
8. Tulane 3-9 "Poker Face": "I promise this, promise this. Check this hand cause I'm marvelous." Gaga must have had the Green Wave in mind when writing those lines.
9. U-L U-Pick'em 12-12 "Boys Boys Boys": The boys from Louisiana are back together in The Bottom 10. "I like you a lot, lot. Think you're really hot, hot." We really do, you know.
10. San Jose State 2-10 "Speechless": Do you know the way to San Jose? OK, that's not a Gaga reference, but "I'll never talk again. Oh boy, you've left me speechless" is -- and that's how the Spartans leave us.

Waiting list: Colorado State (3-9), Illinois (2-10), Maryland (2-10), Memphis (2-10), Rice (2-10), Vanderbilt (2-10) and Washington State (1-11).

David Duffey is the college football editor at ESPN.com.

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