I've been sitting on a really good bit involving a bad date and karaoke, which, let's face it, are linked more often than not. But I keep not being able to get to it and today is no exception. Maybe tomorrow.
The reason I can't get to it is stuff keeps happening. How many pitchers have to go down before Arkvore the Magnificent is satisfied? Of course, there's no deity that feeds itself on starting pitching, but it'd be cool if there was.
I'm in a goofy mood.
This is what happens when you get no sleep. I'm on like three hours of sleep for the third straight day, the result of late nights of work, late nights of socializing, early mornings of fantasy and a small dog that produces more than its weight in recycled food. I take that dog out more than Drew Barrymore takes out Cameron Diaz. How many pictures do we need to see here? We get it. She's single, she's over JT, she's ready to party with her best gal pal Drew. It's getting ridiculous. And by that, I mean the phrase "gal pal." Can we strike that one?
Yeah, I'm hopped up on the goofy pills this morning. Not sure what it is. But speaking of goofy, we haven't even discussed the whole Rosie-Elizabeth Hasselbeck feud on "The View." That is some seriously good YouTube watching. Normally, I'm anti-Rosie, but I'm right here with her on this one. I know it's old, but I'm just now getting around to writing about it, so deal.
Let's talk about baseball, where pitchers are going down faster than Michael Barrett's fantasy value. Trade to the Padres, he goes to a poor hitters' park and will probably only get three-quarters of the time with Josh Bard still working his way in. Koyie Hill and Henry Blanco aren't fantastic options at catcher and who knows how Barrett will be with the Padres pitching staff?
If you have Barrett in anything other than a deep NL-only league, you may want to start scrounging around. Same for everyone who owns Bard. Carlos Zambrano has to be happy, however.
All right. Pitchers now. Jason Schmidt, A.J. Burnett and Brad Lidge hit the DL. Curt Schilling is getting an MRI. Dontrelle Willis leaves the game after an inning. Tim Lincecum isn't hurt, but his owners' ERA is.
Rookie pitchers will be up and down. It happens. It's gonna happen to Homer Bailey as well.
I'm not that worried about Schilling or Randy Johnson. It's not a great sign, of course, but both have pitched very well over the course of much of the season and both know their bodies very well. Schilling's been pretty healthy in recent years and the Boston Globe is reporting that his MRI today was negative. Johnson will try and throw today and the Diamondbacks should have a better timetable for his return after that.
That Chad Billingsley will take Schmidt's place in the rotation and he's an immediate add only for NL-only leagues with a bench. While he's been very solid as a reliever this year, he had a 1.60 WHIP last year, when he was a starter for 16 of 18 games. He also has pitched in short stints this year, no more than three innings at a time, so he'll need to get stretched out. It'll be a while before he has real fantasy value in anything but the deepest leagues.
That Josh Fields has two home runs and seven RBIs in his past four games. He's also struck out 17 times and walked only twice since being recalled, so he's not for the batting-average sensitive, but he does have power, he can hit and I think he's a slightly better version of Joe Crede, pre-2006.
That Billy Butler has been recalled by the Royals. He was hitting .291 in the minors with 13 home runs and 46 RBIs. but had struggled recently. I still like him. The reason for the recall is that Mike Sweeney went on the DL. To which I responded, "When was he off?"
That Chris Duncan now has three home runs in his last five games.
That a version of everything that follows this line appears in the current issue of ESPN The Magazine.
If there are 50 ways to leave your lover, how many are there to bail on your fantasy player? Because while some people talk about punting categories, I prefer to just punt on players. Look, I'm an optimist. I generally see the Bartolo Colon as half-full. (That's before the pregame buffet, of course.) But there comes a time when you have to say, "No mas." That time is now and those players are these:
Brad Wilkerson, 1B, TEX -- Usually, getting more playing time is a good thing. Not here. Having hit .245 the past three years, he has only 24 home runs post-All-Star break since 2004. Granted, that's not helped by him missing the final month and a half of 2005, but do you really want that to be your argument?
Jermaine Dye, OF, CWS -- Dye is hitting .203 this year when thrown a slider. I know that thanks to the good folks at Inside Edge, part of ESPN.com Insider, he said coyly. (Hey, I'm a company man.) And if I know it, so does everyone else in baseball.
Morgan Ensberg, 3B, HOU: 2005 was a good year. The sixth Harry Potter book came out, the NHL canceled its season, saving us from having to waste valuable seconds ignoring it, and Morgan Ensberg was actually good. Well, times change. Book No. 7 is due out shortly, we now have to waste valuable time switching channels when hockey shows up and Morgan Ensberg has continued to be the mayor of Suck City.
Brad Lidge as an effective closer: As long as we're in Houston, it's starting to get like Lindsay Lohan's mom. We get it, you used to be hot, but you're not anymore and you're just making all of us uncomfortable with the repeated comebacks. Going on the DL ain't helping either, you dig?
Matt Murton, OF, CHI -- I loved Matt Murton. I believed in him with all my heart. I was wrong. Even if he comes back to the Cubs, he's not coming back to my team.
J.D. Drew, OF, BOS -- Can you lose something you've never had? It's hard for me to punt on Drew since I never believed, but this article gives me a chance to take another shot at him. And so I shall. He's had more than 20 home runs only once in his career and, at this rate, he'll need a huge few months to even get close.
Felix Hernandez, P, SEA -- Here's some numbers: 5.06, 6.31, 3.38, 3.42, 4.34, 4.45, 1.56, 7.36. Those are King Felix's ERAs by month since April 2006. Only three months under 4.00, and three months over 5.00. All the potential in the world, but he is not healthy or consistent yet, nor is he going to rebound and have a strong second half.
Tom Glavine, P, NYM -- The phrase "jump the shark" is rarely used to describe pitchers, but can we nominate Glavine anyway? His 4.33 ERA and 1.35 WHIP post All-Star break last year is right in line with what he is doing this year. Oh, he'll get wins. But he'll keep silently killing your WHIP and be a bigger name than producer. Wall, meet Tom Glavine. Tom, I believe you've already met the wall?
Dave Bush, P, MIL -- He's trendy! He's a sleeper! Look at his ratios! Yes, fine, I hear all that. But can we glance at his actual stats that count for us? Because they're terrible. So is the fact that batters are hitting almost .300 against him this year.
Daniel Cabrera, P, BAL -- Once described to me as the hot girl that's all over you at the bar, and then, when you come back with drinks, she's making out with your buddy. The ultimate fantasy tease, I've held the faith for way too long. He can't seem to get his control problems under, er, control, and when you can't beat the Nationals at home, that's when I say, "Check, please."