Posted by Peter Bodo, TENNIS.com
Roger Federer clinched the year-end No. 1 ranking for the fourth consecutive year Sunday, on his home turf in Basel, Switzerland, with a bloodless dissection of Finland's Jarkko Nieminen. So let's journey to the parallel universe inhabited by Federer haters and check out some of the things they are apt to be saying to discredit The Mighty Fed's accomplishment.
1. Nieminen is Finnish, which makes him the Jamaican bobsled team of pro tennis. Come on, Federer, if you're such a big man, how about you strap on the cross-country skis and go head-to-head with Jarkko on an Olympic-grade biathalon course. Show us what you've got, big boy!
2. So Federer goes from 0-6 in his home event to 2-0 in the last two years, just like that, and he brags about how he knows "half the people working for the tournament." Anybody else think there might be some hanky-panky going on in Basel, like maybe a little bit of knockout powder drizzled onto the breakfast crepes of Federer's opponents. Hey, it's Switzerland -- they're big into pharmaceuticals.
3. The win raised Federer's career title haul to 52 and counting. So? Jimmy Connors won twice as many, and he was beating John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg and Ivan Lendl in this final, not Jarkko Nieminen. Why hail, Federer couldn't even beat David "Fatty" Nalbandian the week before in Madrid, so doesn't that tell you something right there?
4. Federer joins Connors, McEnroe, Lendl and Pete Sampras as the only men to finish No. 1 for four straight years since the ranking system was introduced. What a joke. Connors, Mac, Ivan and Pistol Pete would have wiped the lines off the court with that little metrosexual dude's butt if he had played in their era. Now that's what I'm talkin' about!
5. Nieminen was 0-7 against Federer going into the match, and has yet to take a set off him. Bottom line: all the players today stink, or they're from Finland, or they suffer from IBS or something. Whatever the case, the reason Federer is rolling is because this is conceivably the worst era in tennis history. Federer isn't beating Grand Slam title holders on his way to Grand Slam titles, and don't give me this bull about how that's because Federer has been the only one winning Grand Slam titles for a couple of years now. I know what I know.
6. Federer's accomplishment Sunday may look like a big deal, the more closely you focus on the hows and whys, the more bogus they become. You've seen the way the guy plays -- he never looks winded; in fact, he doesn't appear to break a sweat. He's never hurled on the court, or hurled a chair across one. He never gets that look on his face -- you know, that look that says, "Aw, man … I am in deep doo doo here." (See Andre Agassi, circa 1992 for a refresher on that.) Plus, people say he's a decent, modest guy.
There you have it. You know what they're saying in the parallel universe: What kind of "champion" is this?
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