TRUM: You cannot be serious!

December, 14, 2008
12/14/08
8:31
PM ET
Thoughts, Ramblings, Useless information and Musings from Sunday's games

For me to have a good weekend during the NFL season, three things need to happen:

1. My Redskins need to win.
2. My fantasy teams need to win.
3. Most importantly, my picks need to pan out correctly.

I've had better weekends.

I've been a Redskins fan since I was 5. That will never change. Apparently I was an evil person in a former life. How else to explain the torture I must go through? I am so disgusted by their loss to the Bengals that I can't even speak.

Mike SellersAP Photo/Elaine ThompsonOh, please tell us that wasn't Mike Sellers carrying the ball at the goal line instead of Clinton Portis.
As millions of Clinton Portis owners looked on, Mike Sellers got not one but two goal-line carries, failing on both and fumbling the second one.

It was just one of a number of bizarre things that happened today. I'll whine about my fantasy teams in a moment, and I generally had a pretty good week with my picks, but I did have Matt Cassel on my "Hate" list. Yeesh.

Throughout the day, I kept hearing John McEnroe's voice in my head. Remember Johnny Mac back in the day, yelling at the chair umpire?

"You can't be serious! You cannot be serious!

That's what I kept thinking as I watched football all day.

My Top 10 "You Cannot Be Serious!" Week 15 performances:

10. Cedric Benson racks up 161 total yards against a top-10 run defense. I still hate him, but you have to give him some consideration next year if he stays in Cincinnati.

9. Ryan Grant gets 21 rushes against the Jags' 19th-ranked run defense -- and averages just 2.7 yards per carry. Thanks, Ryan. We'll come back to you. He gets that many carries and averages so few yards per carry, and yet …

8. Chris Johnson averages 5 yards per carry against Houston -- and gets only 13 carries.

7. Speaking of that Titans-Texans game, Andre Johnson had gone over 100 yards receiving only once in the past six weeks. This week he gets more than 200 yards, plus a score, against the No. 3 pass defense in the league.

6. Playing against each other, David Garrard has more fantasy points than Aaron Rodgers. Brian Griese more than doubles up Matt Ryan. And Peyton Manning has just one fantasy point more than Dan Orlovsky.

Philip RiversHarry How/Getty ImagesPhilip Rivers was mediocre for about three and a half quarters, but ended up with a big game.
5. Philip Rivers has maybe 200 yards, some turnovers and not much else through three and half quarters -- and finishes with 346 yards and two touchdowns.

4. Consider these two wide receivers:

Player A: 428 yards, 3 TDs.
Player B: 223 yards, 0 TDs.

Player A is Torry Holt at home this year. Player B is Torry Holt on the road. The big surprise, of course, is that I am even writing about Torry Holt. But Holt did have 12 fantasy points Sunday.

3. Twelve fantasy points is pretty good, especially when you consider the following wideouts got five points or fewer this weekend: Larry Fitzgerald, Brandon Marshall, Eddie Royal, Marvin Harrison, Anthony Gonzalez, Lee Evans, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Anquan Boldin, Santonio Holmes, and Derrick Mason.

2. Albert Haynesworth going out with an injury. Which makes Willie Parker and Mewelde Moore very interesting plays, instead of bad plays, next week against Tennessee.

1. In the Arizona-Minnesota game, there was a quarterback who threw for four touchdowns. And it wasn't Kurt Warner. You cannot be serious!

So, so frustrating. I don't know if you saw it, but there was this whole campaign from Verizon in which you could enter to play in a league with me. I'm in the semifinals in that league, and I won my division with a 9-4 record. Because of the way the divisions were set up, I played the other 9-4 team, which is owned by ESPN colleague Tristan Cockcroft.

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Guess which one of us had Chris Johnson, Ryan Grant and Thomas Jones, and guess who had Andre Johnson, Dallas Clark and Steven Jackson. It's all good. I just need the Giants' defense to score 25 points tonight. Sigh. The guy who won the Verizon contest, Lester Patrick, and fellow ESPNer Nate Ravitz play in the other semifinal game, after both finished with 7-6 records.

I've gotten tons of sob stories as well, so I know I am not alone in this nutty year. I was in a 12-team "expert" league and another 14-team internal ESPN fantasy editors and writers league. In each league, I was fourth in total points. In each league, I led in points against and did not make the playoffs. I made the playoffs in every other league but have fallen victim to DeAngelo Williams a few too many times.

Seriously now. You cannot be serious!

Matthew Berry -- The Talented Mr. Roto -- has starred in more than just this blog in the past week. He is the creator of RotoPass.com, a Web site that combines a bunch of well-known fantasy sites, including ESPN Insider, for one low price. Use promo code ESPN for 10 percent off. Cyberstalk the TMR | Be his Cyberfriend

• Senior Fantasy analyst for ESPN
• Member, FSWA and FSTA Halls of Fame
• Best-selling author of "Fantasy Life"

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