ESPN Commentary

Forty names, games, teams and minutiae making news in college football (Texas-Ohio State tickets sold separately -- and not cheaply):

Hurricane Heartlessness
The Dash must begin with unconditional support and sympathy for everyone -- college football teams and fans included -- whose lives have been torn asunder by Hurricane Katrina and its horrific aftermath. Second, The Dash must offer unadulterated praise for all the people who have come to those folks' aid in generous and tireless fashion. Third, The Dash must direct undiluted scorn toward those who have viewed the Gulf Coast disaster with such a lack of urgency and/or perspective that they apparently view it as someone else's problem.

And that line starts with the lummox in charge of the Grambling football program. His name is Melvin Spears (1), and he ought to be ashamed of himself.

Showing the compassion of a rattlesnake, Spears said he wanted the Southwestern Athletic Conference to officially record Grambling's game Sept. 3 at Alcorn State as a forfeit by the Braves. Alcorn's players voted not to play, because of, you know, that little storm that blew through the South. Alcorn wants to play the game in December, and Spears said no way.

Calls made in an effort to try to understand Spears' reasoning were not returned, but Spears had his say on the SWAC teleconference.

"We gave Alcorn adequate opportunity to play," he said earlier this week. "They refused to play. We're not playing after the season is over. We offered to pay their way over here, and they refused to come. So we're not going to play."

Lovely. While Grambling was getting by in the relatively safe remove of northern Louisiana, here's what Alcorn was going through in Lorman, near the Mississippi-Louisiana border:

• No power on campus from Aug. 29-Sept. 1, which left the players sleeping on mattresses in the gymnasium.

• About 25 players from the Gulf Coast, many of whom lost everything at home and could not make contact with family members for days. (All have re-established contact now, according to the school.)

• A serious injury to starting defensive end Mark Butler (2), who had a tree fall on him on campus on Aug. 29, fracturing his cheekbones. Butler was walking under the tree, heard a loud cracking noise, looked up and found it descending upon him.

So that's all. No big deal. Why can't you be ready for kickoff?

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"Man, we couldn't play a game," said Alcorn State coach Johnny Thomas (3), chuckling softly at the absurdity of it. "Come on. I was just saddened by what had happened to these guys. Some of these guys don't have a home to go back to.

"Football is so ultra-insignificant and ultra-microscopic compared to life itself, and not knowing where one's family is. Football isn't worth doodly-squat."

Thomas, in his eighth year as head coach at his alma mater, is refusing to fire back at Spears.

"They have a right to their position, and I have a right to my position, and the commissioner [Robert Vowels] has a right to decide what will be done," he said.

SWAC spokesman Wallace Dooley said the game "more than likely" will be played, and Vowels was working with the university presidents to arrange a rescheduling. "The Grambling-Alcorn State game is vital to the conference standings," Dooley said. When asked how the conference leadership felt about Spears' comments, Dooley said, "We weren't pleased. … Coaches tend to be hyper in those situations, and then cooler heads take effect later on. Our associate commissioner was in communication with their athletic director about that."

While Vowels is working to get the game rescheduled in what has to be the easiest decision of his career, he might also issue a reprimand to Spears. The guy's got a long way to go to match Eddie Robinson (4) -- in wins or in class.

Editor's note: Grambling coach Melvin Spears contacted Pat Forde after this was originally posted and offered the following response:

Friday morning, Grambling coach Melvin Spears returned The Dash's earlier calls to give his side of the story.

Spears said he "didn't particularly ask for a forfeit," from Alcorn State, although his quotes from the SWAC teleconference would indicate otherwise.

"I really don't have a problem with playing," Spears said. "The people who are going to decide are the presidents and athletic directors. If we have an opportunity to play, we can raise funds for the relief effort."

Spears said his frustration with the game's postponement was the result of Alcorn telling Grambling it was willing to play until close to the last minute. Spears said that Alcorn agreed to delay the game until Sunday, and was still onboard with playing until late in the week.

"It wasn't until Saturday morning that they decided officially they were not going to play," Spears said. "It shouldn't have gone on that long. If it was that big a thing, they should have come out on Tuesday and said they had a problem."

The coach also insisted that he's not callous toward the suffering that has occurred along the Gulf Coast, pointing out that he has yet to locate some of his own relatives who live in New Orleans.

"There's no way possible that I don't feel for my most favorite city in the world," Spears said, adding that many of his players' families were affected by the hurricane as well.

After practice Friday, Grambling's players planned to visit an evacuee shelter in town to personally invite the residents to the Tigers' Saturday game against Alabama A&M. And Spears said Grambling is asking all other fans who attend the game to donate $10 to hurricane relief.

"My heart certainly goes out to those people," Spears said.

It's Week 2: Do you know who your QB is?
An unusually large number of big-time programs seemed to enter this season with questions at the most vital position on the field -- and after last weekend, many of those questions remain unanswered.

These are the schools that still don't know who their best quarterback is, or when he might show up:

California (5): It didn't look good when feverishly touted junior-college transfer Joe Ayoob (6) couldn't definitively beat out inexperienced competition to replace Aaron Rodgers in the spring. It looked worse when he couldn't beat them out in August. Then came the opener against Sacramento State, and we saw why. After starter Nate Longshore went down with a broken leg, Ayoob entered and went 0-for-10 with an interception. The normally straightlaced AP dispatch from the game described some of his passes as "laughably bad." Ouch. That apparently leaves the Golden Bears with Steve Levy (7) (when he's not busy with "SportsCenter"), who was 2-for-7 against Sac State.

Oklahoma (8): Another hotshot recruit who did not take over a job that was expected to be his, Rhett Bomar (9), will start this week against Tulsa. He replaces junior Paul Thompson (10). The two combined to go 13-of-31 for 128 yards against TCU, with an interception and some crucial fumbles. Too bad Tommy Grady opted to transfer, because at this rate he might have gotten a shot at the job.

Auburn (11): Every time The Dash tried to tell a Tigers fan that he doubted that Brandon Cox (12) could perform up to the Pikes Peak-high standard of departed Jason Campbell, the response was the same: We won't miss a beat, because Cox will thrive under coordinator Al Borges. Consider the first beat missed in an upset loss to Georgia Tech. Cox misfired on his first six passes, righted himself for a significant stretch, then turned the ball over four times in the fourth quarter, five times for the game. Borges is good, but developing Cox is going to take some time.

Tennessee (13): Phil Fulmer stirred up controversy by naming sophomore Erik Ainge (14) his starter over Rick Clausen (15), even though Clausen had the better August stats. It only got worse when Ainge struggled badly against UAB (5-for-14 with two interceptions and a touchdown). Clausen will get the start Sept. 17 at Florida, but Fulmer said both will play. No matter who's running the show, the Volunteers will need more than the 17 points they scored on UAB.

Florida State (16): Starter Drew Weatherford (17) and backup Xavier Lee (18) did the impossible against Miami: They made Chris Rix (19) look good. Weatherford's 7-for-24 showing ranks him No. 98 of the top 99 passing efficiency leaders in I-A. Maybe the Seminoles' defense is so good it doesn't matter who plays QB, or how well. But sooner or later (not this week against The Citadel), FSU is going to need more than 10 points to win. Sept. 17 at Boston College, perhaps?

Boise State (20): This is the one that really doesn't fit. Jared Zabransky (21) entered the year as the No. 1 quarterback in the WAC and a candidate for national honors. But after lasting just one half at Georgia after committing six turnovers, you have to wonder where his confidence level is with a game at Oregon State Saturday and Bowling Green coming to town next week. (Zabransky is the only guy ranked lower than Weatherford in passing efficiency.) Those questions only got louder when Zabransky was not on the bench for the second half (the school reported that he was dehydrated and receiving treatment) and has not met with the media since the game. Zabransky remains the starter according to the depth chart, although backup Taylor Tharp (22) played well in Athens.

Coach who earned his courtesy car
There are many candidates, but The Dash can choose just one. Take a bow, Chan Gailey (23). SI.com named you the worst coach in Division I-A over the summer, and your response was a season-opening upset of Auburn on The Plains. (Honorable mention to the guy who was No. 2 on SI.com's list, Kentucky's Rich Brooks, whose 22-point underdog Wildcats scared the daylights out of Louisville.)

Coach who should ride the bus

Texas A&M's Dennis Franchione (24), who managed to lose his road opener for the third straight year as coach of the Aggies. Losing at Clemson is not a mortal sin, but contributing to it with bad coaching is. A&M scored with 9:22 left but declined a two-point conversion that would have put them ahead by three. Clemson obliged by kicking the winning field goal with two seconds remaining for a 25-24 victory. (Honorable mention to NFL expats Dave Wannstedt and Greg Robinson, who bombed in their debuts. This might be tougher than it looks. Just as Bill Callahan.)

Reason 623 why the system stinks
The Dash is trying to figure out how TCU (25) could beat Oklahoma in Norman, how the Sooners could lead for exactly zero minutes and zero seconds, how the Sooners could be outgained by 59 yards and outdone in possession time by nearly 10 minutes … and still be ranked ahead of the Horned Frogs in both polls.

Does Bob Stoops (26) have pictures of the voters or something?

But at least the Frogs are in the AP poll (at No. 22, compared to the Sooners' 18). In the latest example of why the coaches' poll is the more fraudulent, TCU is in ARV territory (No. 27) while Oklahoma is No. 15. Yo, coaches: you don't need written permission from Myles Brand to drop a team -- even a big-name team -- off your ballot. Loosen up and vote 'em where they belong on a week-by-week basis.

Billboard update: Fully clothed
Few things are more predictable than the old radio billboard promotion that promotes some low-level scandal. In fact, about the only thing more predictable is a losing season for the Kentucky Wildcats (27). Now we have reached a convergence of cliches in Lexington.

WKQQ, which caters to the White Rockers From the '70s Crowd, has put fetching on-air personality Kitten (28) (not her real name, The Dash suspects) on billboards around town, with promises to "undress" her item by item for each Kentucky victory. Three fumbles by promising QB Andre' Woodson (29) kept Kitten's ensemble intact, but look out, shoes: I-AA opponent Idaho State is coming to town Saturday.

Who?
One of the things The Dash enjoys most about the opening week of the season are the revelations -- the guys who burst out of nowhere to become Saturday stars. The five who caught The Dash's eye last week:

Indiana receiver James Hardy (30): He comes off the bench for Mike Davis' basketball team, and his season-long presence on the football bench last year helped cost Gerry DiNardo his job. Hardy's first college football game resulted in five catches for 107 yards against Central Michigan, including a splendid one-handed catch. He's 6-foot-7 and plenty fast; good luck DBs.

Wake Forest running back Micah Andrews (31): He ran for 254 yards in a losing effort against Vanderbilt -- not bad for a sophomore who came into the game with 264 career yards. Andrews got the start when star senior Chris Barclay, who has a chance to become the schools' career rushing leader, was suspended for the opening game.

South Carolina quarterback Blake Mitchell (32): Ah, the sheer joy of a passing quarterback going from a Lou Holtz offense to a Steve Spurrier attack. The kid had 86 career passing yards until last Thursday, when he passed for 330 on just 23 throws -- a crazy 14.3 yards per attempt. And just like that, another Spurrier QB leads the nation in passing efficiency. But unless the Gamecocks find a running game soon -- like, before they play Georgia Saturday -- Mitchell will end up taking his meals through a straw before the season is over.

Florida State defensive end Kamerion Wimbley (33): Just what ACC quarterbacks need: another top-shelf pass-rusher to deal with. This is as much a shout-out to FSU running back Leon Washington as anyone. Washington predicted at ACC media days in late July that Wimbley would be the breakout player of the year in the league, and the senior got a good start on fulfilling the billing with two sacks against Miami.

Louisville defensive end Elvis Dumervil (34): He's really not a stranger after a productive junior season and touting in colleague Bruce Feldman's summer Hot 100 list. But Elvis announced himself to everyone with a Big East-record six sacks of Kentucky quarterback Andre' Woodson, two of which caused fumbles. The fourth brother in the Dumervil family to play college football, he might be the best of the bunch.

Going to the babe bullpen
The Dash reports with mixed emotions that Adriana Lima (35) has been hired as an assistant strength coach at a Large Midwestern University ("I never thought I'd be writing this letter, but after meeting our new strength coach … ").

While we're happy that Adriana has found a career that will continue her connection with her first love, college football, we will miss her here at Dash HQ. However, we're pleased to say that we've found a suitable replacement for this week, at least in terms of a football junkie whose first and last names both end with "A." Eva Longoria (36) says to take Notre Dame and the points in Ann Arbor this weekend.

Conference call
What league is happiest heading into Week 2:

ACC (37): Clemson upset Texas A&M. Georgia Tech upset Auburn. Boston College took care of business at BYU. Two league games (Virginia Tech-NC State and Miami-Florida State) earned prime-time love, and the hitting was fierce in both. This isn't a wine-and-cheese league anymore. Or an all-basketball-all-the-time league, either.

What league is angriest:

The Big East (38): Pitt was punked by Notre Dame. Rutgers choked in epic fashion at Illinois. Louisville was nearly upset by Kentucky. West Virginia-Syracuse was borderline unwatchable. They can't yank that BCS bid now, can they?

Putting out an APB for …
Notre Dame kicker Reggie Ho (39), whose field-goal kicking heroics once beat the Wolverines. Any information on Reggie is appreciated.

Extra point
When thirsty in Athens, Ga., The Dash suggests a microbrew at The Globe (40), one of many swell bars in the way-cool downtown. The Dash strongly recommends the rye ale, made on the premises. And if you can't understand what any of the Southerners around you are saying, just respond, "Go Dawgs!"

Pat Forde is a senior writer at ESPN.com. He can be reached at ESPN4D@aol.com.