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Holiday jeer

12/30/2009 - New Orleans Saints
These fans appreciate what Drew Brees has done for the Saints franchise. Larry French/Getty Images


This column appears in the January 11 issue of ESPN The Magazine.

In New Orleans town

The fans hit their knees,

Thanking good heaven

For a Saint named Brees.

Dozens of QBs

All tried and all failed

To do what dear Drew

Has nearly nailed:

Take the Suff'rin Saints

Out of their black hole

And drop them into

A real Super Bowl.

Misfits, scatter arms,

Collections of bums --

Only good for selling

Wheelbarrows of Tums.

For 42 years

They whiffed at a ring.

Try to name them all?

Sure, but this might sting:

One owned a Heisman.

His name was Wuerffel.

But once he turned pro,

He was just err-ful.

One called Aaron Brooks

Perfected the miss;

One was named Everett

(Please, don't call him Chris).

Three Bobbys, two Todds,

Three Billys, one Jake,

Two Tommys, one Tim,

A Guido, a Snake.

Nino Ninowski

Made the O a no;

Baton Rouge fans were

Glad to see him geaux.

A Rebel named Archie,

Victim of fate's whim.

His two sons made it --

Sadly, never him.

They came and they went:

Wilsons -- Dave and Wade --

A guy named Cipa,

A stiff named Fourcade.

Hobert, Tolliver

(Both were Billy Joes),

Guys who got the rock

Then stood there and froze.

Cuozzo and Bob Scott

Were better off sat;

Nussmeier and Blake

Made you say, "Who dat?"

One, Bobby Douglass,

Was so not money

(But he did marry

A Playboy bunny).

There was Edd Hargett,

Yes, spelled with two D's.

That's grading too high;

He wore lead booties.

Five of them made it

To Bowls with others:

Stabler and Collins

(A pox on their mothers).

Nice guy Gary Wood,

Stand-up dude Mike Buck.

Wood? Not very good.

Buck? Fond of the duck.

Jake's a good Panther

(Last name of Delhomme).

He stunk as a Saint.

Guess they didn't know'm.

Bobby "Eh-bear"

Wasn't all that great.

The pass rush would come,

And he'd hibernate.

One guy, Karl Sweetan,

Taught Plimpton to play.

Flick called Paper Lion

(We'd take George, all day).

The U sent to town

Fella named Walsh, Steve.

By the third quarter

You'd get up and leave.

The Aints had more busts

Than Walgreens has meds.

Small wonder fans watched

With bags on their heads.

But now good times roll

To all Cajuns' glee

(God forbid Drew Brees

Takes free agency).


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