Some truth serum on Cooperstown's plaques
"Daddy, what part of the Baseball Hall of Fame is this?"
"Well, son, this is the GNC/BALCO Wing."
"The GNC/BALCO Wing?"
"Yes, son. It's one of the fastest growing areas of the Hall of Fame. A lot of great players are here."
"Well, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro and, of course, Barry Bonds."
"What about Buck O'Neil, Ron Santo, Goose Gossage or Jim Rice?"
"No, they're not here yet."
"Why, because they didn't go to that BALCO place?"
"Something like that, son."
"My teacher at school says McGwire, Sosa, Palmeiro and Bonds cheated."
"Well, son, that was never entirely proven."
"My teacher says that the Hall of Fame isn't a court of law, that you can keep somebody out of here based on ... "
"Yeah, what you said. My teacher said that if you can land a Transformer on a player's forehead, then that usually means he cheated."
"Well, there were enough baseball writers who disagreed with your teacher."
"My teacher said that cheating in baseball is a lot like pornography: You know it when you see it. He said it's nobody's fault but their own."
"Daddy, what's pornography?"
"Later, son. Let's go look at the photo exhibit of back zits."
"How about the enlarged cranium display?"
"No, let's go read the player plaques."
"Fine, but then we need to meet mom over at the shrunken testicles collection."
"OK, daddy. But first the plaques. I need to learn."
Gene Wojciechowski is the senior national columnist for ESPN.com. You can contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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