by DJ Gallo

Also Receiving Votes

  • Boston sweep gives Matsuzaka a completely misleading first taste of Yankees-Red Sox rivalry
  • Phil Mickelson swings: Mickelson to replace swing coach with former Tiger coach Butch Harmon
  • New Orleans proves it can handle the NBA All-Star Game by hosting the PGA's Zurich Classic without incident


  • Odds on what brought an overflow crowd of 92,000-plus to Alabama's spring game:
  • 12 to 1 To see if the marching band's highly touted freshman clarinet player is all he's cracked up to be
  • 5 to 1 For the halftime ceremony honoring all-time school kick return leader Forrest Gump
  • 2 to 1 To see with their own eyes that Nick Saban is still there and hasn't left for another job already

Not In This Issue

  • Baron Davis using giant beard to create separation for his shot
  • Contrite Pacman Jones takes out full-page ad apologizing for what he's going to do next weekend
  • Roger Federer screams and runs from room after seeing claymation movie on TV
  • Things You May Have Missed While Celebrating Earth Day
  • 1 Shootin' Down The Walls Of Heartache ... They Are The Warriors

    Golden State went into Dallas on Sunday night and handled the No. 1 overall seed Mavericks with their small-guy lineup and 33 points from Baron Davis. The loss left Mark Cuban looking like someone made No. 1 over all of his Cheerios. (Isn't he rich enough to afford a taster?) Anyway, that's really all I have to say about the game. I mainly just wanted to put that awful "Warrior" song in your head for the rest of the day. (Bang! Bang!)

  • 2 Tim Duncan Was Never At Risk Of Being Ejected For Laughing

    The Nuggets pulled off the first upset of the day Sunday, taking down the Spurs, 95-89, as Allen Iverson led all scorers with 31 points. And not to overstate the win, but Denver could be a real title contender. I'd love to see Iverson's Nuggets take on Chris Webber's Pistons in the Finals. Philadelphia sports radio would be full of incomprehensible rage and drunken profanities. Even more than it is now.

  • 3 Last Spring We Had Barbaro; This Spring We Have Barbosa

    The breakout star of Sunday's NBA playoff action was Phoenix's Leandro Barbosa, who scored 19 second-half points to lead a comeback over the Lakers. Barbosa told Michele Tafoya after the game that he has confidence late in games because his coaches have expressed confidence in him. Yeah, no wonder. His coaches probably regularly see him go for 100 points against Steve Nash in intrasquad scrimmages.

  • 4 Red Wings Escape The Wrath Of A Guy Named Jamie

    Detroit closed out Calgary on Sunday night, 2-1 in double overtime, on a goal by Johan Franzen. It was really a rather soft goal on a long shot by Franzen that Miikka Kiprusoff let in. And what makes it worse is that Kiprusoff should have expected a long shot, as Franzen knows firsthand that if you venture too close to a Calgary goaltender you risk getting dropped with a massive stick blow to the stomach.

  • 5 Blind People Rarely Make Good Eyewitnesses

    A New York Mets fan claimed innocence Sunday after he was arrested Saturday night for shining a high-powered flashlight into the eyes of Braves' players Tim Hudson and Edgar Renteria. But if he's not guilty, what could he have doing with that flashlight? Perhaps trying to wake up Bobby Cox?

  • 6 Jimmy Clausen Takes The First Step Toward His 14 Heisman Trophies

    This weekend was full of college football spring games. Penn State's student section honored Virginia Tech, while in Alabama more than 92,000 tried to get in to see Nick Saban. And in South Bend the Gold beat the Blue, 10-6, although none of Brady Quinn's potential replacements played very well. No matter, though. I'm sure Notre Dame will open at No. 1 since voters will be impressed they beat Notre Dame.

  • 7 It Puts The Mayonnaise In The Basket

    Michael Strahan's ex-wife sold off many of the couple's belongings on Saturday at her Montclair, N.J., mansion. I wish I lived nearby. I would have bid on Strahan's collection of novelty teeth. And if those weren't available, maybe I would have purchased Subway Jared. You know, just for fun. I would keep him in my basement and maybe used his loose skin to make myself a dress like in "Silence of the Lambs."

Monday April 23

  • 1 Colts visit the White House: 3:15 pm

    This should be a pretty light-hearted ceremony with President Bush, as Tony Dungy is the first African-American coach to back the president.

  • 2 Devil Rays at Yankees: 7:00 pm, ESPN

    Uh oh. I just realized I have three Devil Rays in the starting lineup of my fantasy team. That can't be good. So feel free to make fun of me for that. Or because I play fantasy baseball. Or because the three Devil Rays are Vinny Castilla, Jose Canseco and Greg Vaughn.

  • 3 Magic at Pistons: 7:00 pm, TNT

    Orlando shot a dreadful 18-of-36 from the line in their Game 1 loss. Although in their defense, I think some of those shots were intentionally hurled off the backboard in hopes Dwight Howard would tip them in for two points.

  • 4 Stars at Canucks: 9:00 pm, Versus

    Vancouver's power play unit has taken a lot of flack for only scoring one goal in the first six games of the series. But I won't criticize them for that. In fact, I think it speaks to their character that they refuse to take advantage of a handicapped foe.

  • 5 Jazz at Rockets: 9:30 pm, TNT

    It's probably best if the Jazz just get swept in this series. I doubt Jerry Sloan would like seeing his players hugging and spraying champagne all over themselves.