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Halftime star
Janet Jackson:
Yes, that was a boob. After WAY too many TiVo reviews, replay inconclusive as to whether it was staged or spontaneous.
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The Lead Item
Two Words For You:
BREAST. EVER?
We may never see another one like that
again.
I'm talking about the freshly minted Pats
dynasty; what are you talking about -- JJ's
freshly flashed mammary moment? Wait: You never
un-paused the TiVo after the halftime show, did
you?
That's right: I said "dynasty." In our current
NFL era, winning two titles in three years is more
than enough of a qualifier, given the crippling salary
restrictions, hyper-media scrutiny and ever-increasing
league emphasis on parity.
The Pats have accomplished something a lot more
impressive than the 1960s Packers, 1970s Steelers or
the 1980s 49ers.
And while I'm tossing around the heresy like
Tom Brady tosses clutch passes, the current 15-game
winning streak -- adjusted for competitive inflation
-- should be put on a pedestal above those '72 Dolphins.
Janet's Show
Sincere or staged? Let's take a
360-degree look, kind of like "Boomtown" (uh, no, I
guess that's "Boobtown"):
MTV: Apologizing
Hmm: "Unrehearsed, unplanned, completely
unintentional."
CBS: "Regrets incident"
Hmm: "Unlikely" to use MTV again.
NFL: Claiming ignorance
Hmm: "No knowledge it would happen."
Timberlake: "Malfunction"
Hmm: "Not intentional and is regrettable."
Janet Jackson: No statement
Hmm: Silence says it all.
At least that streaker guy seemed to willingly
admit he intended to sneak on the field and strip down
to a G-string. But he could use some tips from JJ
about getting that nudity televised.
MVP/LVP
MVP: You can keep Tom Brady; I'll take
Janet Jackson Adam Vinatieri,
who rallied from two missed FGs (neither of
which will ever be remembered) to hit the 41-yard
game-winner when it mattered. He may have just kicked
himself into Hall of Fame enshrinement.
LVP: Let's just call it "The Shank." For Super
Bowl perpetuity, there can be only one -- and it
belongs to Panthers K John Kasay, who managed
to botch the kickoff after Carolina's sick
game-tying TD drive, leading to the Pats' game-winning
FG.
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BUSY? READ THIS NOW; BOOKMARK QUICKIE FOR LATER |
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| TODAY'S THREE HOTTEST STORIES |
1 Pats win Super Bowl: Lay claim to NFL "dynasty" status
2 Panthers put up one of the gutsiest losers' efforts ever
3 Janet Jackson confuses Super Bowl w/ Mardi Gras |
| THREE STORIES YOU SHOULD JUST LET GO |
1 CAR coach Fox goes for 2: Blame execution, not decision
2 Those early Vinatieri FG misses: Who will remember 'em?
3 Talk about "boring" 1st, 3rd qtrs: Just setting up drama |
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Other losers: The DBs (both teams),
neither sets of whom could stop a decent fraternity IM
team, let alone Brady or Delhomme.
Extra-special winner: The guy in your office's
buy-a-square Super Bowl pool with "Pats 4, Panthers 0"
who won both halftime and the third
quarter.
The Hoopla
Winners: You already know the feeling
about Janet Jackson, who made the
Britney/Madonna kiss look small-time ...
Beyonce's Banner was one of the best
ever.
Losers: Could Aerosmith's astro-themed
intro have been in any worse taste?
Particularly considering that Josh Groban
tribute to the Columbia disaster came mere minutes
after.
Mmm ... Soda/Beer Ads
Winners:
(1) "Ref Tunes Out"
Perfect. Bud Light scores big
(2) "Soda Gogglin'"
Biz Markie super soundtrack
(3) "Illegal Downloads"
Topical, with bang for buck
Animal Ads
Winners:
(1) "Talking Monkey"
Monkeys. Hotties. Unbeatable.
(2) "Donkey Clydesdale"
Pitch-perfect
(3) "Bears With Fake IDs"
Bench thin for this category
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Other Winners
Winners:
(1) "Office-Supply Godfather"
Staples wins with humor
(2) "Soap in Mouth"
For a U.S. car-maker, risque!
(3) "Shards o' glass"
Made you stop to watch.
Movie Ads
Play the "X Meets X" Game:
Van Helsing
Dracula meets Zorro
Troy
Lord/Rings meets Gladiator
50 First Dates
Groundhog Day meets Water Boy
Miracle
Hoosiers meets Mighty Ducks
Alamo
Miracle meets Tombstone
Starsky and Hutch
Charlie's meets Old School
Secret Window
Brasco meets Misery
Hidalgo
Indy/Jones meets Larry/Arabia
Ladykiller
Tom Hanks meets Career-Killer
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NFL security:
Does it scare anyone else how easily the halftime streaker got on the field? That's some "Super security." Thank goodness it's easy to laugh about today.
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Today on ESPN.com
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| P2: Simmons' Super Blog |
| P3: Rating commercials, SB parties |
| MLB: Rumblings & Grumblings |
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| Quickie Ranks "Best in Show" Super Bowl Ads: |  "Ref Tunes Out"
| We've all been there
|  "Talking Monkey"
| Monkeys rule
|  "Clydesdonkey"
| Beer ads cleaning up
|  "Office Godfather"
| Staples a first-time entry
|  "Soda Gogglin'"
| | Markie gets huge party cheer |
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If only ...
... Delhomme just stuck to throwing those
bombs.
... Brady wasn't so bleepin' clutch.
... Vin didn't make that pact with Satan.
... ED ads had a sense of irony.
... Vegas had to eat the "push."
... the game went to OT. The game went to OT. The game
went to OT.
Hunh, non-SB stories? Shaq curses about refs, LeBron
drops 38 on Wiz, NASCAR's Spencer hates Japan, Marino
having second thoughts on new job ...
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