Commentary

Brunch closes book on Olympics

Originally Published: March 7, 2010
By Jerry Greene | Special to Page 2

We are one week removed from the end of the Winter Olympics, so let's wrap that up for the next two years before we start making fun of Great Britain. As for Vancouver, while watching the closing ceremonies we kept wondering how you say, "I drink your milkshake!" in Chinese.

(Note the clever nod to Sunday night's Oscar ceremonies by making the reference to "There Will Be Blood.")

But even though the Chinese whipped the Canadians in opening and closing ceremonies, Vancouver gets bonus points for the giant, inflatable beavers at the end. And upon seeing the beavers, you're lying if you didn't immediately think of Frank Drebin.

Anyway, our favorite quote from the entire Winter Olympics came from Canadian speedskater Kristina Groves describing racing in the 1,500 meters: "You can taste blood in your lungs." Our kind of woman.

And a few more tidbits to start the Brunch:

• Fact: In Los Angeles, a friendly soccer match between Mexico and New Zealand drew a crowd of 90,526. Conclusion: They really need an NFL franchise.

• Our friends at the Walt Disney Co. have agreed that the University of Oregon's mascot is "not Donald Duck." Well, if it quacks like Donald Duck and if it walks like Donald Duck …

• Mother Maternity will carry a line of maternity T-shirts with the logos of MLB teams. This news is known in the NBA as "dodging a bullet."

• Meanwhile, the Cleveland Cavs gave the crowd Snuggies to break the Guinness World Record for "largest gathering of people wearing fleece blankets." The Nets are considering taking a photo of one of their crowds displaying their admission tickets to break the record for "largest gathering of people being fleeced."

• Quote of the Week comes from NASCAR's Jimmie Johnson about the attention going to Danica Patrick: "If we beat the horse to death before it completes its first lap, it's going to be bad for all of us." Might have gone with a different comparison, Jimmie.

• We are so proud. This has been a Tiger Woods Free opening to the Sunday Brunch. But we are not responsible for all that follows:

• Batting leadoff is Evan Aczon's list of "Top 10 Reasons Of All Time To Be A [San Francisco] Giants Fan," part of the Bleacher Report in the San Francisco Chronicle. From their history as the New York Gothams in 1883 through the unfortunate choice of Crazy Crab as an "anti-mascot," Aczon makes a compelling case.

• Back on the Right Coast, we must wonder what George Willis did wrong to be sent to a Knicks-Nets game by the New York Post. We know what the Knicks did wrong. They lost (by 20) to the Nets -- at home! Oh, and the Knicks set some kind of record from 3-point land by going oh-for-18.

• Mike Bianchi of The Orlando Sentinel ruins our bid to be Tiger Free as he cannot help but wonder how much advice Tiger was asking of caddy Steve Williams, such as "Driver or 3-wood? Wedge or 9-iron? Blonde or Brunette? Perkins waitress or Cracker Barrel cashier?" Ouch.

• We cannot go the entire Brunch without some football, right? Tony "Mazz" Massarotti of the Boston Globe looks at the challenges facing the once mighty New England Patriots and coach/dark wizard Bill Belichick. Can they be best in the NFL or best in the AFC or even best in their division? No answers but a lot of interesting questions.

• Let's close by returning to the San Francisco Chronicle -- kind of like "the Circle of Life" -- for some notes from Scott Ostler that he likes to call "Deep thoughts, cheap shots and bon mots." Yes, Agnes, a bon mot is a small chocolate candy. Think of it as your departing mint from this edition of the Sunday Brunch.

Jerry Greene is a retired columnist for the Orlando Sentinel. He can be reached at osogreene@aol.com.

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