Teams should have played 'LeBron says'
LeBron James got it right -- almost.
He quickly showed all those NBA owners and high-profile executives who is boss when he made them come to him in Cleveland instead of him flying around the country to see them.One by one, in this order, the New Jersey Nets, New York Knicks, Miami Heat, Los Angeles Clippers [snicker], Cleveland Cavs and Chicago "He saw us last!" Bulls had to pay their respects to the Godfather of pro basketball.
His one mistake?
Not having them show up at the same time.
He should have had them line up in one big room to play a game of "LeBron says."
Imagine all those rich suits having to play the game as James orders:
"LeBron says -- flap your arms! ... LeBron says -- crow like roosters! Slick back your hair! Oops, sorry, Coach Riley, I didn't say 'LeBron says,' so you're out and so is the Heat."
What's that you're saying? A game of "LeBron says" would be a silly way to make such a vital decision?
And now for a few tidbits before we get to the main courses of this July Fourth Sunday Brunch:
• The Houston Rockets sent a "free-agency caravan" to Miami to woo free agent Chris Bosh. Unfortunately, Bosh was in Dallas. -- Wouldn't you love to see all this free-agency nonsense reduced to a fast-speed video with the Benny Hill music playing behind it?
• Detroit Lions President Tom Lewand gets pulled over and has a blood alcohol count twice the legal limit but tells deputies he has not had a drink in a year and a half. -- Yeah, but that last one was a doozy.
• Tweet of the Week: Speedskater Apolo Ohno -- "One question: Why is Short Track Speed Skating NOT on TV Once a month? Seriously " -- Uh, Apolo, seriously?
• The NFL and Nickelodeon will produce a football-themed cartoon show for the fall. Working title: "Meet the Jags."
• Hey, Argentina. This is England. At least we scored a goal.
• Brock Lesner is the new Mike Tyson -- really, really scary.
• Surveillance video cameras at clubs are unfair. Who's with us? Vick family?
• BREAKING NEWS! Brunch sources have confirmed LeBron James has narrowed his decision to two choices -- Team Edward or Team Jacob.
And now on to the main courses of the July Fourth Brunch -- some dogs, burgers, potato salad, onion rings, and
• Let's start with Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel talking about the red-white-and-bruise All-American world of NASCAR. He recognizes the never-dying love for the name "Earnhardt," but says the greatest name in racin' now is Johnson as in Jimmie. Bianchi knows how upset Earnhardt fans get but maybe he was grumpy after covering the Coke Zero 400 on July Third and Fourth as they were still playing demolition derby at Daytona well after midnight.
• Greg Cote of the Miami Herald leads off an excellent Fourth of July notes column by reminding us that Thomas Jefferson wanted LeBron James and Chris Bosh to join Dwyane Wade on the Heat roster. Seriously. Don't you read your American history?
• Mike Vaccaro of the New York Post points out that two icons (like it or not) of American sports have birthdays today. George Steinbrenner is 80 and Al Davis is 81. Perhaps their birthdays are reminders that power never lasts forever.
• Bill Plaschke of the Los Angeles Times keeps it American by talking about baseball's upcoming All-Star Game and why it would be criminal not to include Washington pitcher Stephen Strasburg. Plaschke calls him "the new Tiger Woods," but does that sound right anymore?
• It's not All-American but Wimbledon is winding up and shouldn't be ignored. Kevin Paul Dupont of the Boston Globe gives us his "Second Thoughts" about the true heroes of the courts -- the ball boys and ball girls. Yes, there are differences. The girls tend to have better posture but the boys are superior rollers, don't you know.
• Also not so much All-American (especially since last week) the World Cup has reached the semifinals without The Hand of God. Diego Maradona had to watch Germany crush his team from Argentina 4-0 and the Bard of Kansas City, Joe Posnanski, <writes about how much that must have hurt. And did you know there is a Church of Maradona that has more than 100,000 members? Even Justin Bieber can't say that. Can he?
That's it for the Brunch. Now put your own hot dogs on your own grill -- but don't challenge Joey Chestnut yet. Start off slow. Maybe 20 or so. And beware your July Fourth Reversal of Fortune.
Jerry Greene is a retired columnist for the Orlando Sentinel. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.