Readers give excuses for bad drafts
Oh, how you have suffered.
We asked you how a fantasy football draft night could go from a national holiday to a personal nightmare. Judging by your responses, many of you have experienced a draft gone really bad. Of course, you often claimed you were talking about something that happened to a friend.
Responses ranged from one-liner suggestions to fill our "Top 10 Reasons Your Fantasy Football Draft Night Went Really Bad" list to short tales of moments when your draft night turned into the maiden voyage of the Titanic. We'll share a few of the tales, but first, let's do the list:
Top 10 Reasons Your Fantasy Football Draft Night Went Really Bad
10. "Entire team has been romantically linked to Jessica Simpson." -- Tom S., Mohawk, N.Y.
9. "Bye week? What's a bye week?" -- Carl M., New York
8. "I know Lee Evans will be the Steal of the Draft -- like I knew last year and the year before." -- Fred R., Chicago
7. "Your entire roster has the same bye week -- because they are all Browns." -- Ben R., Parts Unknown, Conn.
6. "I have to miss the draft but that's OK because my girlfriend will do it for me." -- Shea E., Corpus Christi, Texas
(If you have a problem with No. 6, please direct your remarks to Shea and not the management.)
5. "It's a disaster when the best part of your draft is your team's name." -- Jamie B., Denver
(A few names we really like -- Romo My Romeo and Favre Dollar Footlong, plus our favorite, Kibbles & Vick.)
4. "Your wife makes you take Chad Ochocinco in the first round because she loved him on 'Dancing With The Stars.' " -- Ben M., Peoria, Ill.
3. "You wanted to know if JaMarcus Russell was still on the board, and everybody said he was." -- Jameson W., Mount Pleasant, S.C.
2. "At any point you hear: 'Hmm, nice pick. You did know that he retired/wrecked his motorcycle/shot himself, right?' " -- Brett J., Tuscaloosa, Ala.
1. "In times of doubt, you ask yourself, 'WWADD?' (What would Al Davis do?)" -- Chris C., Rochester, Mich.
Interesting how many times the Raiders and Browns were mentioned. Also wives and girlfriends were a common source of disaster, but of course those wives and girlfriends probably have their own sad stories we don't hear about.
We did hear a lot of your sob stories, however. Here are a few:
• "I was arrested the night before our morning draft. My car was impounded with my cell phone in it. After the others drafted, I had to put together a team from what was left -- and came in last that year." -- Mike B., Kearny, N.J.
Excuses, Mike, excuses.
• "I'm part of a national draft done online. Our 2008 draft was Aug. 31, the night Hurricane Gustav hit my home in Baton Rouge, knocking out all power. A few days later I discovered that the auto-picker gave me 10 consecutive rounds of running backs before picking another position for me. I did trade three running backs for Tom Brady to salvage my season -- and his leg gets snapped in the first game." -- Stu T., Baton Rouge, La.
Excuses, Stu, excuses.
• "Actually this wasn't our problem but everyone else's. My husband, Marc M., won last year because on draft night all his buddies (in their 30s) were distracted by an episode of 'Glee.' Many of these dorks were in theater in high school but still " -- Susan N. M., Parts Unknown.
Susan, do you have the addresses of the dorks? We'd all like to invite them into our leagues.
Fantasy football -- can't live with it, can't live without it.
Jerry Greene is a retired columnist from the Orlando Sentinel. He can be reached at email@example.com