Readers show you keys to bad drafts
We do not mock you or your obsessive fascination with the NFL Draft that will begin Thursday night and keep you entranced through Saturday. Yes, there will be a three-day, seven-round draft.
After that, of course, all bets are off.
But this is not the time to concern ourselves with courtroom battles in a game of "Billionaires vs. Millionaires." No, now is the time to celebrate the newest additions to the "Millionaires" team -- the players drafted, especially in Thursday night's first round.
Part of the fun is looking for the disasters. Actually, some may say it's all of the fun. And there will be disasters because there always are.
That's why we asked you to predict the worse we will witness in this week's list that we call "Top 10 Reasons Your Draft Is Dreck."
Credit to Richmond H. of Ontario, Canada, for pointing out that the NFL teams will be hard-pressed to match the Ottawa Rough Riders in 1995 or the Montreal Alouettes in 1996 when each drafted a player who was deceased.
As far as we know, neither player was on Mel Kiper's chart.
Still, dead or alive, there will be mistakes. Here's what some of you think will happen during the first round:
Top 10 Reasons Your Draft Is Dreck
10. "You took a RB from Penn State whose name isn't Franco Harris, meaning you are doomed," said Mike M. of Wilmington, Del.
9. "You hired Isiah Thomas as special draft day consultant," said David C. of Pittsburgh.
8. "Your first-round offensive guard is interviewed by satellite from his draft party at the local KFC," said Ben M. of Peoria, Ill.
7. "Your first-round pick keeps asking if there's any news from the Barry Bonds trial," said Kevin J. of Los Angeles.
6. "Your drafted quarterback thinks 'two-a-days' refers to how many showers he takes," said Sally M. of Athens, Ga.
5. "You drafted a center that has severe 'personal space' issues," said Fred C. of New Rochelle, N.Y.
4. "If there's still a lockout, your new defensive end wants to know where he should go to get his paycheck," said Aaron H. of Tampa, Fla.
3. "The 'NCAA Football' video game lists your first-round wide receiver as 'out of football,'" said Jason D. of St. Louis.
2. "Your first-round tackle thinks 'Wonderlic' is an ice-cream bar," said Bill S. of Louisville, Ky.
1. "Even Al Davis said, 'You picked who?' and broke out laughing," said Janice H. of Palo Alto, Calif. -- with similar submissions from Barrett B. of Fort Worth, Lisa H. of Hamilton, Mont., Nik R. of New Delhi, India, and Frank H. of Stillwater, Minn., who suggested the Raiders' draft should be known as "Tales from the Crypt."
Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder also were singled out for predicted disaster, which must make them proud.
So get ready to enjoy the draft, assured by the knowledge that you don't have to write a paycheck to anyone no matter how whacked your mock predictions may be.