Commentary

Mark McGwire admits steroid use, inspires us to finally come clean, too

Originally Published: January 14, 2010
By Page 2

In light of Mark McGwire's admission of steroid use, Page 2 realized there may be something we all want to finally admit, performance-enhancing or otherwise.

So we gave our staff the chance to come clean, breathe easy and be absolved. Well, maybe not that last part. We do have some real weirdos on the payroll.

If you'd like to get something off your chest, tweet it to us @espn_page2. The funniest admissions might be reposted later on today. That way, the whole world will know just how messed up you really are.

For now, allow us to do the honors:

Scoop Jackson: Mark McGwire inspired me to admit that I've used Alicia Keys to help recover from injuries … I mean, writer's block. An autographed, framed photo of AK sits in my office, and it's helped me finish columns since 2003. When serious writer's block sets in (Yeah, that's it, writer's block!) and I can't seem to find the right word, I just pull that photo off the wall and stare at it. All I can think about is her singing. (Yeah, her singing!)

Sure, it's her Rolling Stone photo (you know, that cut-off-T-shirt, exposed-navel shot) but that's not why it helps me write. No, I've been married for 15 years. I'd never be disloyal to the game … I mean, my wife. I just use Alicia Keys to increase my pen speed. (Yeah, pen speed!)

Paul Lukas, aka Uni Watch: People are often surprised to hear I can write about uniforms on a full-time basis, and I always tell them the same thing: "Never underestimate the power of obsessive geekitude."

And lots of Diet Coke.

Jim Caple: I admit that I listen to Broadway show tunes when I write. I don't know what it is; listening to "Chicago" or "South Pacific" just gets me in a writing mood. Thank God for headphones. Other writers in the press box think I'm listening to Springsteen instead of "Some Enchanted Evening."

But I NEVER listened to show tunes in the press-box bathroom with Jose Canseco.

Jerry Greene: I've tried to misremember this, but it's time to come clean. Over the past decade, I have frequently used Google while writing columns. I never Googled in an attempt to borrow notes from other columnists. No, my primary Googling was for medical information, such as how to treat the hamstring I pulled while shooting free throws.

I wish I had never been writing during the Internet age. Life was so much simpler when I would draw my columns on cave walls.

LZ Granderson: I cannot play basketball while ashy. Believe me, I've tried. But the truth is if my skin's not shining, neither is my game. I can't even hit a layup if my legs are ashy. Not to make excuses, but a lot of guys lotion up before balling. I'm not saying what I do is right, but I'm not the only one.

Kurt Snibbe: Inspired by Big Mac's revelation, I must admit that the rumors are true. I do wear men's underwear.

Cameron Martin: I took eight classes in my final college semester to graduate on time -- a promise I'd made to my parents. To get it done, while maintaining a semblance of a social life, I ingested copious amounts of caffeine, ephedrine and Camel Lights. I also played lots of foosball and video games, which were great outlets for aggression. I did not make the dean's list that semester (or any semester), but I did graduate on time.

In retrospect, this was the stupidest thing I've ever done.

Toby Mergler: For the past four months, I've worn a 1980s Joe Gibbs coaching sweater for every Redskins game as a good-luck charm. After this season, it's now perfectly clear that the sweater is not at all performance-enhancing. It was a foolish purchase and a big mistake. I wish I was not a fan during the eBay era.

DJ Gallo: I like watching musicals. Yeah, that's right, those movies with singing and dancing. I like them. A lot.

Not for the singing and the dancing, but for the unmatched -- albeit unintentional -- hilarity. I have yet to see anything as comical as someone experiencing a serious life moment while twirling and belting out clichéd lyrics.

Then there's the makeup. And the costumes. And the way over-the-top actors. Hilarious.

Let me put it in sports terms. The New York Jets have given us plenty to laugh at over the years, right? Well, they're not even in the same comedic league as these Jets. Buggin', ever-lovin' hilarious.

Maria Burns Ortiz: McGwire inspired me to finally admit that I have a candy drawer in my desk. It supplies me the vast amounts of sugar and caffeine I need daily. I don't consider those performance-enhancing as much as fundamental to my existence.

Oh, also, I accepted a job as a sports reporter in Indiana having never seen the movie "Hoosiers." I lived there for almost two years and still could not tell you where the word "Hoosier" comes from.

I'd say my lawyers advised me not to admit anything else to protect my family, but really, that's just about as exciting as my life is at the moment.

You: That's right, you! Tell us what Big Mac has inspired you to finally admit about yourself? Tweet us @espn_page2 and your response might just end up on our blog. Wouldn't that be a relief?

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