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There are now no fewer than 32 bowl games, more than at any other time in history. At the current rate of bowlflation, by the year 2015, every Division I football program will be invited to participate in a postseason contest. If the expansion is allowed to continue, by 2021 it will become necessary to invite schools to more than one bowl each. And if the growth is left unchecked after that, by 2030, new colleges will have to be created to play the plethora of bowls that are sure to come. It might even be possible that some of the long-since-abandoned bowl games covered below will have to be revived to feed the gaping maw of bowl need.
Surely it can't come to that, can it?
The Clara Bow(l)
Jan. 1, 1928, in Los Angeles
USC 14, Illinois 8
Famed actress Clara Bow's devotion to the USC football team is well-known, although this dedication did not manifest itself in the salacious manner urban legend would have us believe. The idea for this contest originated when an unknown publicity hack from Bow's studio -- Paramount -- attended one of her parties for the USC squad where he hit upon the idea of tying in her similar-to-bowl-sounding name with the local college eleven. The studio, thinking the venture would generate publicity for its leading lady, bankrolled the venture and invited 7-0-1 Illinois to take on the 8-1-1 Trojans. Not only did Bow not do what it is often said she did at the postgame celebration party, she was not even at the game. She was either off somewhere with Gary Cooper or John Gilbert or, if you wish to believe another long-told rumor, both.
The Dust Bowl
Jan. 3, 1936, in Tulsa, Okla.
Rice 23, Oklahoma 7
Bad taste? Perhaps, but someone had to do it: make the obvious naming connection between the Depression-era farming disaster and the new bowl mania that was sweeping the nation. Wags of the day suggested that if the field would just stay put for the duration, the game would be a success. It did, but it wasn't.
The Cereal Bowl
Dec. 30, 1937, in Battle Creek, Mich.
Fordham 7, Auburn 5
Another game embarrassing in the obviousness of its name, it went over about as well as can be expected of an outdoor sporting event in the dead of the Michigan winter. A highlight was the halftime show, which featured 250 chorines dressed as cornflakes diving into a giant bowl of frigid milk. It was said to be something to behold -- provided anyone had been there to behold it.
The POW Bowl
Jan. 2, 1944, in Waycross, Ga.
Georgia 67, Combined POW All-Stars 3
As World War II progressed and setbacks beset the Nazi war machine, stateside prisoner of war camps filled with captured Germans. An idea originated in the War Department that the deNazification of these prisoners could be expedited if they were steeped in American traditions such as flipping hamburgers, building hot rods and playing football. Several dozen of the most athletic prisoners were brought together and taught the game by Pop Smardisall, a German-speaking coach famed for leading a team of death-row inmates to a stunning 9-7 victory over the NFL's Providence Steamrollers in a highly publicized 1930 exhibition game played on the deck of an aircraft carrier. Alas, although the team took orders and memorized plays well enough, the lack of experience told early and often on the hapless Germans. As one Bulldog said to them at the half, referring to the 42-0 score, "For you, the game is over."
The Dixiecrat Bowl
Dec. 27, 1948, and Dec. 28, 1949, in Jackson, Miss.
College of the Confederacy 34, North Carolina School of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms 12 (1948)
Kentucky Klavern Kollege 17, Antebellum A&M 0 (1949)
A page from America's unfortunate past, this bowl was the brainchild of none other than Strom Thurmond, governor of South Carolina and States' Rights Party (the "Dixiecrats") presidential candidate for 1948. Like the bowl and the splinter political party for which it was named, none of the participating schools is extant.
The Punch Bowl
Dec. 29, 1955, in London, England
Army 27, Yale 13
Regarded as one of the most expensive jokes of all time -- and not a very funny one at that -- the Punch Bowl was the mindspawn of Malcolm Muggeridge, editor of the British humor magazine, Punch. Noting with amusement the proliferation of American college football bowls, he decided to add another to the list and expended a good deal of money importing the elevens of Army and Yale. A thin crowd of Yank ex-pats and military personnel mixed with a few curious locals ensured there would not be a second Punch Bowl -- not that success was ever the point.
The Academic Standards Bowl
Dec. 22, 1980, in San Jose, Calif.
Stanford 30.5, Rice 27.3
Yes, you read the scores right. Convinced that academics were, at best, a secondary concern in our nation's major colleges, a concerned group of intellectuals pooled their monies and created this, a hybrid football/learning experience. At each quarter break, Rice (5-6) and Stanford (6-5) players were quizzed on a variety of subjects. At halftime, they had to undertake a lab experiment and report on the results after the final gun. The results of these tests were factored into the final score. Rice had a 10-7 lead in the football portion of the contest but had to wait two weeks for the grading of the essay portions of the tests to be completed to find out that wasn't going to be enough -- not that anybody cared by then, if, in fact, anyone ever did in the first place.
The Y2K Bowl
Dec. 31, 1999, in Tampa, Fla.
Louisiana Tech 32, Hawaii 24
Billed as "the last bowl game ever" by its alarmist promoters, it at least fulfilled its own end of the bargain by being the last Y2K Bowl game ever.
The DiSecco Extra Cheese Four-Meat Rising Crust All-Natural Ingredient "Just say, 'Pizza Pleez-ah'" Frozen Pizza Bowl
Dec. 27, 2005, in Anaheim, Calif.
Kansas 24, Miami (Ohio) 21 (OT)
What's a good indication that your bowl name is too unwieldy? How about when the midfield logo extends to either 20-yard line? Wanting to get the most out of its sponsorship dollars, DiSecco included ingredients, crust type and a spurious origin of components claim as well as its somewhat offensive slogan in its naming rights. By the end of the first quarter, even the broadcasters had shortened the name to the "Pizza Bowl," seriously undercutting whatever publicity DiSecco was hoping the game would net it.
SpeedGuzzler Energy Drink Bowl
Dec. 29, 2005, in Tucson, Ariz.
Louisiana Tech 44, Western Michigan 35
You might remember SpeedGuzzler's ad campaign that used a speed metal version of the Warren Zevon song, "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead." You certainly would have heard it any number of times had you watched this game in which the players from each team were contractually obligated to be seen on the sideline ingesting vast quantities of the sponsor's product. Both teams came out raring to go but slowed considerably as the game went on. In fact, the final score was reached two minutes into the second quarter.
Jim Baker is an author at Baseball Prospectus and a frequent contributor to Page 2. You can e-mail Jim at bottlebat@gmail.com.
