If we were a beer right now, we'd be Page 2's Marchtoberfest. We break down the beer bracket by asking one simple question for each matchup: If these schools were beers, which one would we drink?

If this method doesn't work, we'll be brewin' a batch of Busted Bracket Extra Bitter. Get it?

Take the school, state or the mascot and make it the most obscure microbrew you can imagine. Vanderbilt becomes Commodore Cask Conditioned Baller Bock. Wisconsin could be Badgers' Big Ten Best Blonde Ale. This bracket favors a representative like UMBC (can't you just see that retriever's head on a label?) and George Mason, who may have taught Sam Adams everything he knows.

Drink up the madness.

PAGE 2'S FOOLPROOF METHODS FOR PICKING YOUR BRACKET

On Friday, we promised to help you win your NCAA pool. Here are our nine foolproof methods.
The 10th -- straight chalk -- will be figured into the Page 2 group bracket as a control variable.
Stay tuned to Page 2 throughout the NCAA tournament to see how our brackets stack up.

Best unis Our uniform expert breaks down attire aesthetics. Uni bracket	Mascot fight Which school has the most intimidating mascot? Mascot bracket	Celeb alums Which school has the most star power? Celeb bracket
Inverse graduation rate Which program graduates the fewest players? Grad rate bracket	Coach appearance Which coach is best-dressed for success? Dapper coach bracket	Collegiate beers If each school was a beer, which one would you drink? Beer bracket
Cred, creed Who has the right mix of street cred and religious clout? Cred and creed bracket	Cheesy slogan School slogans can say a lot. Who has the best one? Slogan bracket	Non-hoops jocks Which school produces the most successful non-basketball athletes? Non-hoops jocks bracket

Easiest region (to pick): EAST, home of Carolina Blue Ribbon Psycho T Celebration Ale.

Toughest region (to pick): WEST, home of Longhorn Lager, UCLA's Hollywood Hundred Golden Brewin', UConn Husky Hef, Dawg Dew IPA, Mountaineer Southern Stout and Krzyzewski March Madness by the Mouthful (seasonal).

Easiest pick (single game): Pitt Pilsner on the Prowl over Oral Roberts Near Beer.

Toughest pick (single game): Hoppy Head Hoosier falls to Razorback Red Pig Reserve.

Biggest upset (in entire bracket): George Mason Stout Olde Statesman over Fighting Irish Rogue Redemption.

First-round flop: Kentucky Ran Outta Bourbon Beer.

Sleeper school: Siena Saint Golden Holy Water.

Final Four shocker: Mississippi State River Runoff Red.

Buy stock in: Golden Eagle Wisconsin Sweet Wheat.

Sell stock in: BYU Barely-wine.

Obvious pick we still like anyway: Vols Victory Agent Orange Ale.

EAST
First Round
1 North Carolina def. 16 Coppin State
9 Arkansas def. 8 Indiana
12 George Mason def. 5 Notre Dame
4 Washington State def. 13 Winthrop
6 Oklahoma def. 11 Saint Joseph's
3 Louisville def. 14 Boise State
10 South Alabama def. 7 Butler
15 Tennessee def. 15 American

Second Round
1 North Carolina def. 9 Arkansas
12 George Mason def. 3 Washington St.
6 Oklahoma def. 3 Louisville
2 Tennessee def. 10 South Alabama

Round of 16
1 North Carolina def. 12 George Mason
2 Tennessee def. 5 Oklahoma

Regional Final
1 North Carolina def. 2 Tennessee

MIDWEST
First Round
1 Kansas def. 16 Portland State
8 UNLV def. 9 Kent State
12 Villanova def. 5 Clemson
4 Vanderbilt def. 13 Siena
6 USC def. 11 Kansas State
3 Wisconsin def. 14 Cal State Fullerton
7 Gonzaga def. 10 Davidson
15 UMBC def. 2 Georgetown

Second Round
1 Kansas def. 8 UNLV
4 Vanderbilt def. 12 Villanova
3 Wisconsin def. 6 USC
7 Gonzaga def. 15 UMBC

Round of 16
4 Vanderbilt def. 1 Kansas
3 Wisconsin def. 7 Gonzaga

Regional Final
3 Wisconsin def. 4 Vanderbilt

SOUTH
First Round
1 Memphis def. 16 Texas-Arlington
8 Mississippi State def. 9 Oregon
5 Michigan State def. 12 Temple
4 Pittsburgh def. 13 Oral Roberts
6 Marquette def. 11 Kentucky
3 Stanford def. 14 Cornell
7 Miami (Fla.) def. 10 Saint Mary's
2 Texas def. 15 Austin Peay

Second Round
8 Mississippi State def. 1 Memphis
5 Michigan State def. 4 Pittsburgh
6 Marquette def. 3 Stanford
2 Texas def. 7 Miami (Fla.)

Regional Final
8 Mississippi State def. 2 Texas

WEST
First Round
1 UCLA def. 16 Mississippi Valley State
9 Texas A&M def. 8 BYU
12 Western Kentucky def. 5 Drake
4 Connecticut def. 13 San Diego
6 Purdue def. 11 Baylor
3 Xavier def. 14 Georgia
10 Arizona def. 7 West Virginia
2 Duke def. 15 Belmont

Second Round
1 UCLA def. 9 Texas A&M
12 Western Kentucky def. 4 Connecticut
6 Purdue def. 3 Xavier
2 Duke def. 10 Arizona

Round of 16
1 UCLA def. 12 Western Kentucky
2 Duke def. 6 Purdue

FINAL FOUR
1 North Carolina def. 3 Wisconsin
1 UCLA def. 8 Mississippi State

CHAMPIONSHIP: 1 North Carolina def. 1 UCLA

Mary Buckheit is a Page 2 columnist. She can be reached at marybuckheit@hotmail.com.