By Gino Bona and Eric Kielb
Special to Page 2

It's September. It's Sunday. It's time for football.

Eminem
Eminem wouldn't last a second in a battle with Bristol Bob.

Your chips, your couches and your fantasy teams are ready for some hardcore time-killing action.

Now all you need is what all great heroes need to complete the package -- your own theme song.

Seek, and ye shall find it. Right here. After all, what good is Page 2, if not to cater to your every need?

Sure, the NFL's Thursday night kickoff extravaganza featured the Rolling Stones and Santana, but they've got nothin' on Bristol Bob and the Page 2 Crue. The Crue goes much deeper to channel their inner-Eminem.

So, please: Put your sofa-with-a-secret in its locked and upright position, and put your hands together for Bristol Bob and the Page 2 Crue and their latest hit "BRUISE YOURSELF"

Go ahead. Click. Watch. Listen. Sing along … if you dare.

LYRICS FOR "BRUISE YOURSELF"
Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted -- the Super Bowl.
Would you nail it? Or just push it wide right? Yo, the Pats are ready -- threepeat, Tom is heady
Is that vomit on his uni? Mom's soup's too heavy.
Peyton's nervous, but on the field he's calm and ready
To drop bombs, to Harrison and to Edgey.
Now T.O.'s a clown, the world knows this now
He opens his mouth, look, it's Drew Rosenhaus!
Is Joey chokin'? He's got stud receivers now
Will the clock run out? No Garcia! Ouch!
Vick drops back to reality. Oh, there goes gravity.
Oh, there goes Peerless. He choked.
He's so bad, but they know they have Alge.
Ben, does he have it? He holds the whole Steel city's hopes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but Bus broke.
LT's stacked and he knows
The top pick in roto, and that's when it's
Back to the draft again yo
This whole fantasy
Better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass you.

You better bruise yourself or you'll lose it, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one snap, do not hand it off to Mo
This opportunity comes once in a season yo.

You better bruise yourself or you'll lose it, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one snap, do not hand it off to Mo
This opportunity comes once in a season yo.

Missed the other Bristol Bob and the Page 2 Crue hits? What is wrong with you?
"Are You Strong Enough to Beat My Lance?"
"Eye of the Tiger"
"Times Like These"
"Hey, Shaq!"
"My Sharapova"
"In Da Book"
"It's the End of Baseball As We Know It"
"Shaq and Kobe's Christmas Song"
"BALCO"
"Franchise of Broken Dreams"

Bristol Bob is considering changing his band's name from "The Page 2 Crue" to "B-12." Holla back at bristolbob@gmail.com.




Gino
Bona
and
Eric
Kielb
BRISTOL BOB