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Cap'n A-Rod's Spring Training Quiz
Ahoy, kids! Be the envy of everyone at school with an official Cap'n A-Rod T-shirt (see below)! Made of 110-percent cotton, the T-shirt has Cap'n A-Rod's logo on the front and the inspirational message: "I'm Probably Pretty Sure It Will Work Out For The Best" on the back.
All you have do is be the first to answer Cap'n A-Rod's quiz correctly and send in your completed quiz along with two Ovaltine proof-of-purchase seals, along with $19.95, plus $7.95 for postage and handling.
1. Texas general manager John Hart says trading Cap'n A-Rod gives the Rangers "financial flexibility." What does he mean by "financial flexibility?"
A. It allows the Rangers to trim their payroll so they can sign some pitchers.
B. It allows owner Tom Hicks to pay his Visa card bill.
C. It allows owner Tom Hicks to buy and install a plaque for Cap'n A-Rod in Monument Park.
D. It allows owner Tom Hicks to outbid everyone by $100 million next winter and sign Eric Chavez to a stupid contract that he'll have to pawn off on the Yankees in 2008.
2. When will the Yankees switch Cap'n A-Rod to short and Derek Jeter to third?
A. Before Game 4 of the World Series.
B. At the All-Star break.
C. After the Yankees lose the season opener.
D. After Jeter goes hitless in the first Grapefruit League game.
3. Pick the date the Yankees will clinch the pennant:
A. Sept. 23
B. Labor Day
C. Memorial Day
D. The same day Andy Pettitte and Roger Clemens say they want to go back to the Yankees.
4. The Yankees retired No. 3 for Babe Ruth. What will Cap'n A-Rod wear on his back?
5. Now that they've lost out on Cap'n A-Rod, what will the Red Sox do with Nomar?
A. Give him a five-year contract extension.
B. Trade him.
C. Let him play out his final year under a season of negative publicity, then watch him sign with the Yankees to play second base.
D. Wave goodbye as they all jump off the Prudential Center tower together.
6. Arrange in order, from lowest to highest:
A. The Yankees' 2004 payroll.
B. The number of games the Devils Rays will finish out of first place.
C. The number of days Kevin Brown will be on the disabled list.
D. The number of women in Derek Jeter's little black book.
What is Yankees owner George Steinbrenner's next plan?
A. Trade for Miguel Tejada and move him to first base.
B. Just for laughs, phone Theo Epstein and ask him whether his refrigerator is running.
C. Buy the Dominican Republic.
D. Fire Joe Torre.
Bonus Question: Make out the Yankees' batting order. (Hint: remember, you need a second baseman and Bret Boone is not a Yankee. Yet.)
Did you win? Here's your T-shirt:
Ask Cap'n A-Rod!
Got a problem? Let Cap'n A-Rod help.
Dear Cap'n A-Rod,
I hurt my knee playing basketball and now my team has gone out and traded for someone else to play my position. What should I do?
-- Aaron B., New York
Hang in there. I'm probably pretty sure it will all work out for the best.
Jim Caple is a senior writer for ESPN.com