I was supposed to experience my own March Madness by living on campus in fraternities, dorms, sororities and apartments throughout the entire NCAA Tournament. But like my alma mater, Washington, I may be forced to make an early exit. Whatever virus I picked up in Illinois refuses to leave and I just can't shake it.
Therefore, I'm considering leaving the tour early. But at least I know you readers understand that I gave it my best, appreciate my honest effort and sympathize with my decision. Why, just read a sampling of my recent e-mail ...
"This isn't a college invite. Just a message to tell you that you need to start drinking and partying more and stop crying about your cold. You think students don't party when they're sick? Don't be a quitter; you're better than that. You should be drinking and partying it up. How many middle-aged men get a chance to go back to school and live it up? I think the story is better when you're drunk or hungover, like last week's stories, which were great, by the way. You can sleep and rest when you're back in the life of suburbia and domestication. In the meantime, make your fellow middle-aged brethren proud."
All right, all right. You're right. This is a golden opportunity and unlike my Huskies, I'll suck it up and finish out the tournament. But it still would be helpful if someone could at least suggest a remedy for whatever it is I've got.
"You have solutions, with the same premise for both. One, buy a waterpik like you use to clean your teeth, get the nasal attachment if they have it if not, use the 'tooth' attachment that provides the widest volume, not the finest spray. Put in 5-10 ounces of warm water and some salt, one teaspoon to one tablespoon. Run it up one side while closing the other nostril and snorting in (the only description I can think of). Try not to drown as this will go down your throat when you start to clear so be ready to spit. Repeat on the other side. Two words of advice, have a towel around your neck at the ready and don't let anyone witness what you are doing as it is kind of gross."
|BACK TO SCHOOL|
Jim Caple is turning back the clock and living the college life during the NCAA Tournament:|
His stops so far:
Day 1: Love and hate on Chapel Hill
Day 2: Duke isn't just a four-letter word
Day 3: N.C. State of the union
University of Illinois
Day 1: The fountain of youth
Day 2: Hanging with Sigma Phi Epsilon
Day 3: Hoops unites Illinois campus
Day 4: Five girls and a middle-aged man
Motion: Caple at Illinois
If that's the best solution, I frankly don't want to know the lesser one. But I'll give it a try. Now all I need is a place to crash at Michigan State.
"My roommate and I live near campus in what's now considered 'blighted' property. We have an extremely comfortable couch you could sleep on in our two-bedroom, one-bath apartment called The Chalet (can't go wrong with a name like that). You should pick my roommate Ryan and I for three reasons.
First, we have been here since '99 and have seen the extreme highs and lows of Spartan basketball. Secondly, I was the kid involved in the suspension of Ohio State forward Matt Sylvester and I could show you the letter of apology he wrote me after spitting in my face. Finally, we have a homemade basketball court in our living room made with duct tape, and we could name it 'Jim Caple Court' in your honor. Thanks for your time, Jim, and I hope to see you sometime next week."