Props to the Super Bowl   

Updated: February 1, 2007, 1:10 PM ET

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The Super Bowl is the biggest gambling event on the American sports calendar. People can bet on everything from who will win the game to whether Colts third-string tight end Bryan Fletcher will catch a pass for a two-point conversion.

There are hundreds and hundreds of "prop" bets available to bettors. In reviewing them for my journalistic purposes, I came across some rather interesting ones, which I will share with you below.

(Oh, and by the way, I guarantee Fletcher will catch not just one two-point conversion pass, but 11 of them. It's just a hunch I have. The Colts are going to try to pile on the points, and they will use all of their better players as decoys -- leaving Fletcher wide open on conversion attempt after conversion attempt. Consider it my stone-cold Super Bowl lock.)

Rex Grossman

AP Photo/Jeff Roberson

"Where's the halftime, er, postgame party?"

The first score of the game will come via:
2-to-1 -- touchdown
3-to-1 -- field goal
20-to-1 -- safety
1,000,000-to-1 -- extra point

Will Rex Grossman leave the game at halftime to attend a Super Bowl party?
1-to-2 -- yes.
2-to-1 -- no.

Total gross passing yards by Rex Grossman:
2-to-1 -- under 150 yards
3-to-1 -- over 150 yards
1-to-1 -- they will all be quite gross and unsightly

Total passing yards by Peyton Manning:
-110 -- over 199.5 yards
-110 -- under 199.5 yards

Total Super Bowl commercials appeared in by Peyton Manning:
-150 -- over 199.5
+130 -- under 199.5

Total penalties by the Chicago Bears
-110 -- over 6.5
-110 -- under 6.5

Total penalties by the Chicago Bears, including in-game arrests of Tank Johnson:
-220 -- over 11.5
+200 -- under 11.5

Jeff Saturday

AP Photo/Michael Conroy

How many touchdowns will Jeff Saturday score on Sunday?

The Colts player with the most touchdowns will be:
5-to-1 -- Marvin Harrison
5-to-1 -- Reggie Wayne
5-to-1 -- Joseph Addai
2-to-1 -- Jeff Saturday

What will Marvin Harrison register first?
2-to-1 -- touchdown
10-to-1 -- human emotion

Rex Grossman's first pass will be:
2-to-1 -- an incompletion
2-to-1 -- an interception
10-to-1 -- a tipped ball that miraculously finds its way into the arms of a Chicago Bears receiver

Adam Vinatieri will:
3-to-1 -- kick a game-winning field goal
5-to-1 -- miss a game-winning field goal to give Peyton Manning and the Colts the loss, thereby cementing his legendary status in New England

A moment of silence will be held before the game to remember:
2-to-1 -- Barbaro
5-to-1 -- some player's goldfish that died
2-to-1 -- anyone that Tank Johnson may have shot during pregame

Will Peyton Manning actually run a play called by Colts offensive coordinator Tom Moore just to make the old man feel like he serves some sort of purpose on the team?
+500 -- yes
-550 -- no

Will Ricky Manning Jr. fire up the Bears with a pregame speech in which he dresses up a nerd to look like Peyton Manning and then beats the nerd to death with a laptop?
+300 -- yes
-330 -- no

Will Billy Joel get drunk and run over a player on the way to the stadium to sing the national anthem?
+400 -- yes
Off the board -- no

Will Edgerrin James spend the game silently weeping, stopping only to blow his nose into his cash?
-300 yes
+330 -- no

Mike Vanderjagt will spend the game:
2-to-1 -- listening to 98 Degrees
2-to-1 -- getting his tips frosted
2-to-1 -- getting wasted on some wine coolers and Zima

Will a wardrobe malfunction during the halftime show result in Prince baring his chest, titillating many viewers who believe he is a woman?
+200 -- yes
-220 -- no

Will Tank Johnson be pulled aside in the pregame by an NFL uniform code representative to remove the bullet bandolier from across his chest?
+300 -- yes
-330 -- no

Will Dallas Clark be crushed going across the middle with an awesome hit that will be replayed over and over from various angles?
+300 -- yes
-330 -- no

Will Peyton Manning win the Super Bowl, thereby ruining every good "Peyton Manning is a choker who can't win the big game" joke that has worked wonderfully for more than a decade … thereby exponentially increasing the number of Eli Manning jokes told throughout the world?
-110 -- yes
-110 -- no

Win or lose, will Kyle Orton dump a cooler of Jim Beam on Lovie Smith and then drink the runoff?
-200 -- yes
+220 -- no

The story line referenced the most by the game broadcast crew will be:
5-to-1 -- Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy as the first African-American head coaches in a Super Bowl
5-to-1 -- the inconsistency of Rex Grossman
5-to-1 -- Peyton Manning trying to win his first Super Bowl
2-to-1 -- Jerome Bettis not being from Miami
2-to-1 -- something about Terrell Owens
1-to-1 -- how the game perfectly relates to the outstanding new shows the network will be debuting

Will a Bear #!^* in the woods?
-200 -- yes
+220 -- no

DJ Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the award-winning sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He is also a regular contributor to ESPN the Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book -- "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck" -- will be in stores soon.


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