From Zeke, with love   

Updated: April 23, 2008

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Isiah Thomas

Kurt Snibbe

Isiah Thomas is still employed by the New York Knicks but will have contact with only new team president Donnie Walsh, and not anyone on the roster.

What would Thomas say if he had one last moment alone with each of his former players? Page 2 has the answer.

Renaldo Balkman: "God's honest truth, when I drafted you, I thought you were Rolando Blackman."

Wilson Chandler: "As the final draft pick of my tenure, it is on your shoulders to achieve greatness and save my legacy in New York, whatever your name is."

Mardy Collins: "I will always remember when Carmelo Anthony slapped you like a little b- ... wait, I'm not really allowed to say that word anymore."

Jamal Crawford: "Don't stress about having two positions. Just remember all the successes I had here in New York while holding two positions."

Eddy Curry: "Thank you for single-handedly buying out the entire inventory of my Cinnamon Créme DrizzleCorn. You put us in the black for fiscal 2007."

Jerome James: "If I'm out of a job for long, I'm coming to you first for a loan."

Jared Jeffries: "Whenever you get booed, just remember that New Yorkers don't understand basketball like the good people of Bloomington, Indiana."

Fred Jones: "I coached you on the Pacers and I coached you on the Knicks. No doubt you'll have a lot of amazing stories to tell your grandkids one day."

David Lee: "You were productive player who played hard more often than not. To be honest, I never really saw you as a true Knick."

Stephon Marbury: "Although we had our share of differences, I always thought you and I were very much alike in that we can both almost single-handedly destroy a professional basketball franchise."

Randolph Morris: "I am sorry I never had the opportunity to sign you to the full mid-level exception."

Zach Randolph: "Consistency is important in the NBA, so I hope you enjoyed getting out of Portland for a team with both off-the-court and on-the-court problems."

Quentin Richardson: "Always remember when your back acts up that you can take advantage of the team's mobile, intern-staffed massage parlor."

Nate Robinson: "I vowed to bring a championship to New York, and your 2006 Slam Dunk title allowed me to deliver on that promise."

Malik Rose: "So how close do you think we were to being as good as the Spurs? Pretty close, right?"

DJ Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He is also a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book: "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck": is on sale now.


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