There are 55 languages spoken at the Beijing Olympics. And they say a picture is worth a thousand words. Considering that, below are captions to 21 photos from the opening week of the Olympics, if my math is correct, this column checks in at a hefty 1.115 million words.

I am quite prolific.

• "This would be the proudest moment of my life -- if only I wasn't dressed like this."

• "I'll be John Carlos!" "I'll be Tommie Smith!"

• "You had me at 'bump.'"

• "Flopping for one's country means so much more."

• "I knew that honey pot was a trap."

• "Tell these people to stop laughing at my outie!"

• "What did you expect? You hold the medal ceremony in the morning, I'm going to show up in my bathrobe."

• "They should have had me do the special effects for the Opening Ceremonies."

• "It finally clotted! It fin-al-ly clot-teeeeeeeed!"

• "It's OK. You have only brought shame on our entire nation."

• "I feel like there is a bigger world out there somewhere."

• "Hurry! Michael Phelps is gaining on us!"

• "Oh, no! River pirates!"

• "Gimme the character for handball! Yeah!"

• "Oh, how I wish I could un-see that Chinese girl who really sang for the Opening Ceremonies. Her non-perfectly-cuteness sickens me."

• "This is not the arena music I had hoped for."

• "It's time to bring sexy back to water polo."

• "Shark! And it's big!"

• "No audit for you!"

• "Do you realize I curse fluently in 12 different languages?"

• "Finally my glasses are in style!"

DJ Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He also is a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book, "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck," is on sale now.