More than any other sport, college football is about fans and school pride.

So instead of writing my own game previews for the first batch of bowl games, I imagined what famous school alums -- alive or dead -- would say about the games.

EagleBank Bowl: Wake Forest (7-5) vs. Navy (8-4)
When: Saturday, Dec. 20; 11 a.m. ET (ESPN) in Washington, D.C.

"My friends, this is a rematch from earlier in the season when Navy beat Wake Forest on the road in Winston-Salem. In that game, Wake Forest quarterback Riley Skinner completed passes to 11 different receivers. Eleven! My friends, that's what I call spreading the wealth around. But we defeated them then, and we must defeat them again."
-- Sen. John McCain, U.S. Naval Academy, '58

New Mexico Bowl: Colorado State (6-6) vs. Fresno St. (7-5)

"Hi. I'm veteran character actor Keith Carradine. You may know my work from such critically acclaimed television shows as 'Dexter' and 'Deadwood.' But chances are, you don't know my name. Similarly, you may have seen Colorado State play this year in such memorable games as the Rams' 42-7 loss to Cal or their 49-16 loss to Utah. But chances are, you didn't know a team that bad could still make a bowl game."
-- Keith Carradine, actor, attended Colorado State

magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl: Memphis (6-6) vs. South Florida (7-5)
When: Saturday, Dec. 20; 4:30 p.m. ET (ESPN2) in St. Petersburg, Fla.

"South Florida started this season at 5-0 and was ranked as high as No. 10. Then the Bulls lost at home to Pitt and finished the season with five losses in their final seven games. It was almost as though they came to a stop and then never woke up. Hopefully, this game will be the knock on the window and flashlight in the eyes they need to snap out of it."
-- Tony La Russa, USF, '69

Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl: No. 16 BYU (10-2) vs. Arizona (7-5)
When: Saturday, Dec. 20; 8 p.m. ET (ESPN) in Las Vegas

"This is the fourth year in a row that BYU is playing in the Las Vegas Bowl. It's starting to get a little boring for them. And trust me, I know a thing or two about boring."
-- Mitt Romney, BYU, '71

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Southern Miss (6-6) vs. Troy (8-4)
When: Sunday, Dec. 21; 8:15 p.m. ET (ESPN) in New Orleans

"Troy quarterback Levi Brown is the real deal. He only became the starter midway through the season, but still threw for 1,775 yards and 14 TDs to only three interceptions. And he is so accurate, I bet that if he played baseball, he could successfully throw the ball back to the pitcher."
-- Mackey Sasser, Troy, '87

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: No. 9 Boise State (12-0) vs. No. 11 TCU (10-2)
When: Tuesday, Dec. 23; 8 p.m. ET (ESPN) in San Diego

"Undefeated Boise State … come on down! You're the next contestant on 'The BCS Is Wrong!'"
-- Rod Roddy, former "The Price Is Right" announcer, TCU, '57

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: Hawaii (7-6) vs. Notre Dame (6-6)
When: Wednesday, Dec. 24; 8 p.m. ET (ESPN) in Honolulu

"In space, you can look out the window of the shuttle and see everything. I'm just glad I'm not up there now because I never thought I'd see a 6-6 Notre Dame team playing in the Hawaii Bowl. Vomit can really cause a problem if it floats around inside our delicate instruments."
-- Jim Wetherbee, astronaut, Notre Dame, '74

Motor City Bowl: Florida Atlantic (6-6) vs. Central Michigan (8-4)
When: Friday, Dec. 26; 7:30 p.m. ET (ESPN) in Detroit

"I'm not going to lie to you. Stopping Central Michigan quarterback Dan LeFevour is going to be quite a task for Florida Atlantic. But if the Owls need any help, I'm available to play linebacker. Or maybe I could just get my doctor to Botox LeFevour's entire body so he can't move around in the pocket."
-- Carrot Top, attended FAU

Meineke Car Care Bowl: West Virginia (8-4) vs. North Carolina (8-4)
When: Saturday, Dec. 27; 1 p.m. ET (ESPN) in Charlotte, N.C.

"The University of North Carolina and I go way back. I love that school and the Tar Heels with all my heart. I'm very loyal. But I'll admit -- West Virginia has caught my eye. That's an attractive squad they have. I would definitely be open to rooting for that team, even if it was for just one passionate night."
-- Sen. John Edwards, earned law degree at UNC-Chapel Hill, '77

Champs Sports Bowl: Wisconsin (7-5) vs. Florida State (8-4)
When: Saturday, Dec. 27; 4:30 p.m. ET (ESPN) in Orlando, Fla.

"I love watching Florida State quarterback Christian Ponder. He can pass, he can run. He lets the team use him any way they want to. I guess he's a lot like me in that way."
-- Richard Simmons, FSU graduate

Emerald Bowl: Miami (Fla.) (7-5) vs. California (8-4)
When: Saturday, Dec. 27; 8 p.m. ET (ESPN) in San Francisco

"There are great players on both teams. Cal's Jahvid Best is an outstanding running back. And Miami's duo of freshman receivers -- Aldarius Johnson and Thearon Collier -- could one day become NFL stars. And please tell them all I said this. Tell them I have been behind them from the beginning and to feel free to call me when they are ready to declare for the draft."
-- Drew Rosenhaus, Miami, '87

Independence Bowl: Northern Illinois (6-6) vs. Louisiana Tech (7-5)
When: Sunday, Dec. 28; 8:15 p.m. ET (ESPN) in Shreveport, La.

"To me, 'Forrest Gump' was a story about a seemingly below-average person being able to accomplish the remarkable. It was fiction. It was a movie. But a 6-6 MAC team getting to play in a bowl game proves that sometimes real life is even more improbable than fiction."
-- Robert Zemeckis, director, attended Northern Illinois

PapaJohns.com Bowl: NC State (6-6) vs. Rutgers (7-5)
When: Monday, Dec. 29; 3 p.m. ET (ESPN) in Birmingham, Ala.

"Rutgers started the season 1-5, but the Scarlet Knights won six in a row to close the regular season and averaged 46.2 points per game over their final five games. If they continue to improve and, most importantly, focus on the fundamentals, I see them winning not only this game but back-to-back-to-back national championships."
-- Tom Emanski, Rutgers graduate

Valero Alamo Bowl: No. 21 Missouri (9-4) vs. No. 23 Northwestern (9-3)
When: Monday, Dec. 29; 8 p.m. ET (ESPN) in San Antonio

"Missouri doesn't face defenses this good in the Big 12. The Wildcats led the Big Ten this season with 33 sacks. The two teams played one common opponent this season: Illinois. The Tigers beat the Illini by just 10 and allowed 42 points. Northwestern beat Illinois by 17 and gave up only 10 points. I see Northwestern as a big favorite in this game. However, for a campaign contribution of $1 million, I would be happy to make a convincing case for Missouri."
-- Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, Northwestern, '79

Roady's Humanitarian Bowl: Maryland (7-5) vs. Nevada (7-5)
When: Tuesday, Dec. 30; 4:30 p.m. ET (ESPN) in Boise, Idaho

"I just spoke to Ralph Friedgen in person yesterday about this game. The first thing I noticed about Mr. Friedgen was how thin and muscular he is. He looks not a day older than 25. I am sure that makes it easy for his players to relate to him."
-- Jayson Blair, former New York Times employee, attended Maryland

Texas Bowl: Western Michigan (9-3) vs. Rice (9-3)
When: Tuesday, Dec. 30; 8 p.m. ET (NFL Network) in Houston

"These are two quality football teams. So, sorry, but despite your personal opinion, having to watch this game also does not fit my definition of torture."
-- Alberto Gonzales, former U.S. Attorney General, Rice, '79

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl: No. 13 Oklahoma State (9-3) vs. No. 17 Oregon (9-3)
When: Tuesday, Dec. 30; 8 p.m. ET (ESPN) in San Diego

"I have donated more than $265 million to Oklahoma State's athletics program. Do you have any idea how many windmills $265 million buys? A lot. More than the nine wins and Holiday Bowl berth Oklahoma State got this year, I'll tell you that. Mike Gundy had better pick up the pace or he's going to be an unemployed man at 42."
-- T. Boone Pickens, Oklahoma State, '51

Check back Dec. 31 for the rest of DJ Gallo's bowl previews!

DJ Gallo is the founder of and sole writer for the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He also is a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book, "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck," is on sale now.