The Super Bowl Blauggh (Thursday edition)   

Updated: January 29, 2009

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Excited for Super Bowl week? DJ Gallo certainly is. He'll provide us with wall-to-wall coverage all week long on his Super Bowl Blauggh, updated several times daily.

Yes, we know how to spell "blog." But this isn't a blog. It's even better.

And no, DJ's not in Tampa. Why on Earth would anyone want to deal with that mob scene?

4:10 p.m.

Tonight's Super Bowl party slate
The Super Bowl party scene really kicks off Thursday. Here are a few of tonight's main events:

• Super Bowl Kickoff Party with DJ Jazzy Jeff and DJ AM -- 9 p.m., AjA

All those in attendance get a free door prize -- the answer to this question: "What ever happened to DJ Jazzy Jeff?"

• Pepsi Smash Super Bowl Bash featuring Rihanna -- 6 p.m., Florida State Fairgrounds

You don't want to attend? Hey, no problem. Just live ya life.

• GQ Magazine Super Bowl Kickoff Party Hosted by Terrell Owens -- 9 p.m., Hyde Park Café

Since it's a GQ party, I was going to say no $400 shirt, no $600 shoes, no service. But T.O. is hosting. And he probably won't even be wearing a shirt.

• blu Magazine's bluBash Super Bowl Party -- 7 p.m., Florida Aquarium

Vanessa Carlton is scheduled to perform. Also scheduled to appear are Tyler Florence, Reggie Wayne, Kyle Orton and Ray Lewis. Yes, that's right -- they are promoting that Ray Lewis is attending their Super Bowl party.

2:42 p.m.

Hey, Steelers fans, that's no way to treat your Colon
Steelers offensive tackle Willie Colon says he stopped using Facebook and MySpace earlier this season when the Steelers' line was playing poorly, because he was being taunted by fans through his accounts.

"OMG! Thank u for making me ur friend! Also, you stink."

Colon says he received some letters expressing displeasure through the good ol' U.S. Postal Service, too.

That's nice to see. Not enough people sit down anymore and take the time to write a heartfelt "you stink" letter. This is one of the reasons Pittsburgh has been able to maintain its old-fashioned, small-town charm.

1:17 p.m.

How to know if you have a counterfeit ticket
The NFL is warning fans to be on the lookout for counterfeit Super Bowl tickets. But how can you know whether your ticket is real or fake? Just ask yourself these questions:

1. After you paid for the ticket, did the seller run off, jump into a waiting car and speed away?

2. Is there a blatant typo on the ticket? (Note: The inclusion of "Arizona Cardinals" on a ticket that also says "Super Bowl" is not necessarily a fake this year.)

3. Did the person you purchased the ticket from tell you he was cutting you a deal and giving it to you for less than face value?

4. After buying the ticket from a scalper, were you approached by a police officer who, upon looking at the ticket, laughed at you and said, "Nevermind. Continue on your way."

5. Is there white-out on the ticket?

6. Is any part of the ticket written in crayon?

7. Among all the small-print legal writing on the back of the ticket, is there the following disclaimer: "This is a counterfeit ticket and will not grant you access to Super Bowl XLIII"?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you might have a counterfeit ticket. But if you would like a real ticket, please meet me outside the main gate of Raymond James Stadium at 2 a.m. with $6,000 in unmarked bills. I will be wearing running shoes and standing near an idling car.

11:45 a.m.

Mike Tomlin, poet laureate of Steelers Nation
Mike Tomlin said at media day that he is a big fan of Robert Frost. Specifically, Tomlin said he quotes to his players the famous Frost line, "And miles to go before I sleep," from Frost's poem "Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening."

Unfortunately, "And miles to go before I sleep" doesn't show up in the poem until the 15th and 16th lines -- the last two lines.

So Tomlin reading Frost to the Steelers probably goes something like this:

"'… The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake
The woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.'

"Gentlemen! Wake up! I said we have miles to go before we sleep!"

"What? Huh? Oh, right, Coach. OK. No problem. That's fine. We feel pretty rested actually."

11:10 a.m.

They won't all be pickup truck commercials
If you were planning to buy a commercial slot during the Super Bowl, you better get moving. NBC has only a few remaining, and one of them was just snapped up by Cash4Gold. No, seriously.

So how does a little Florida-based company that airs low-budget, direct-response ads on late-night television come up with enough cash to buy ad time during the Super Bowl?

Oh. Right.

10:31 a.m.

Do not worry about the economic health of NBC
In this poor economy, it would make sense if NBC was struggling to unload all those $3 million ad spots for the Super Bowl.

But it isn't. Mainly because it sold most of them before everything really went in the toilet. "We had one incredibly lucky break," NBC Sports chairman Dick Ebersol said. "Our sales department sold more Super Bowl inventory before the beginning of September than anyone had in history."

A few ads even sold for more than $3 million.

Hmmm … I wonder who might have paid more than $3 million for a Super Bowl ad back in September? I bet we're going to see some glitzy, big-budget ads on Sunday from General Motors and Circuit City.

9:51 a.m.

Football ads are destroying America
A study released today
by Common Sense Media found that 40 percent of NFL games show ads for erectile dysfunction drugs, 46.5 percent include network promotions with sex or violence, and almost 500 of the 5,000 ads the researchers watched depicted "an increased form of violence, including murders, explosions and gunfights."

Not good.

What's worse, I can only assume the remaining 4,500 ads were commercials for pickup trucks. And the sheer quantity of those that air each game makes me want to murder, explode things and get into gunfights.

Previous Super Bowl Blauggh editions: Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday

DJ Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He also is a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book, "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck," is on sale now.


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