Commentary

World's top dogs comment on Vick

Originally Published: July 20, 2009
By DJ Gallo | Page 2

Former NFL star Michael Vick was released from federal custody Monday morning at his home in Virginia.

What do some prominent dogs think about his freedom? We put the question to them.

"Michael Vick has more than paid his debt to society, and he deserves credit for that. But I still have some reservations about him. I mean, I wouldn't throw the guy down a well. But I definitely wouldn't rescue him from one either."
-- Lassie

"I still have my doubts that Michael Vick did anything wrong. I think it was an old man wearing a Michael Vick mask."
-- Scooby-Doo

"I'm a huge football fan. But I'm a dog first. So I'm glad Michael Vick won't be around here anymore."
-- Uga

"Let's not demonize the guy. Michael Vick did some bad things, sure. But he's not evil. He's no Pizza The Hutt."
-- Barf

"Sure, we're gamblers. But we're betting he stays out of trouble from now on."
-- Dogs playing poker

"I'm glad he's out of jail. But it doesn't change the fact that what he did was dizzgusting."
-- Snoop Dogg

"I don't care what he did; we could really use someone to play quarterback in the Wildcat formation. Or in any formation. Or play running back. Or wide receiver. Or return kicks. Or play safety. Really, he could pretty much start at any position on the team."
-- Dawg Pound member

"He's still fast. He's still elusive. I don't think it will be easy for NFL defenses to track this guy down."
-- Dog the Bounty Hunter

"Let's not pigeonhole Michael Vick as a terrible person. I know what it's like to be typecast. I know what it's like to be a cliché."
-- William Wegman dog

"I have my doubts about Michael Vick. But I've been wrong about humans before. For example, I never thought this moron would win a bunch of Oscars."
-- Hooch

"Michael Vick just needs to make the point that he is willing to help a team in any way he can. Personally, I know someone that could really use a good holder."
-- Snoopy

"I hope he gets back out on the field. I salivate every time I see him scramble out of the pocket."
-- Pavlov's dog

"I've been around far worse people than Michael Vick."
-- Checkers

"McGruff here. See that guy over there? He's a former NFL quarterback who was always overrated. He's also an ex-con. Yet some misguided general manager may try to bring him to your hometown. Only you can help prevent this from happening. Call your team's front office. Tell them you don't want Michael Vick on your team. And help McGruff take a bite out of desperate free-agent signings."
-- McGruff The Crime Dog

"I think Michael Vick will be fine as long as he focuses on the fundamentals. The fundamentals of football. The fundamentals of life. The fundamentals of being a good person. Also, if he wants to get his throwing accuracy back, I'd say throw footballs into an overturned trash can."
-- Fred McGriff

"Umm … how did you get these supposed quotes? You realize that only a few dogs can talk, right?"
-- Dug the Dog

DJ Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He also is a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book, "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck," is on sale now.

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