Commentary

Serena Williams needs more criticism

Updated: September 3, 2009, 3:09 PM ET
By LZ Granderson | Page 2

I cannot stand Serena Williams.

I don't like the way she dresses, her attitude or the way she talks about other players.

Nothing.

She is the worst thing to happen to tennis since women started being awarded the same prize money as men.

Whoever came up with that idea is probably a vegan.

[+] EnlargeSerena Williams
AP Photo/Charles KrupaOne would think Serena Williams might get a break from critics after capturing 11 Grand Slams.

The thing about Serena is she is bigger and stronger than most guys I know.

Women aren't supposed to be physically imposing. They're the fairer sex. They're supposed to be weak and helpless so men can rescue them from dragons. If women start beating up the dragons themselves, what are men supposed to do? It throws the whole thing off.

Besides, Serena's not hot at all. Her butt and chest are way too big. Her lips are too full. Her body is too curvy and toned, her skin looks too soft … she's just way too voluptuous and strong for me or any of my insecure friends to even think about dating.

That's why we say she looks like a dude -- it helps us ignore the fact that we're not man enough for her.

Skinny girls are the best. I'm strong enough to pick them up and rescue them from dragons. Like Maria Sharapova. She looks like she can't do anything for herself.

The other thing about Serena is she's always doing extra stuff. I mean, when a guy like Tom Brady models for Details or sells cologne, he's just being a well-rounded athlete.

But Serena? She's distracted. Why does she need to invest in the Miami Dolphins? What's with the new book about her life? Who wants to read the story of a poor Compton girl working hard to help elevate her family out of the ghetto and become an international superstar?

Why can't she just focus on tennis the way Michael Jordan just focused on basketball? You didn't see him marketing himself or making movies.

That's why she has won only three of the past four Grand Slams. If she weren't so distracted, she would have all of them. That's also why she's No. 2 and not No. 1. She's distracted.

It's OK for Tiger Woods to say he cares only about winning majors, but when she acts that way, that's just arrogance.

She has won 11 Slams, enough to be considered one of the greatest players of all time, but what does that have to do with anything?

She grunts too much when she plays.

The other players don't like her.

She thinks Picard is better than Kirk.

I just can't stand her.

Because of that, I'm going to continue to nitpick every little thing she does, regardless of how stupid it sounds.

Just because she has forever changed the game doesn't mean she can change me.

I have my values, and they have little to do with tennis.

If I focused too much on the caliber of tennis she plays, I would have to start giving her credit, and that leads to appreciation.

Once that happens, I'll be forced to tell my grandchildren I was fortunate enough to watch one of the greatest athletes ever in her prime.

And it was simply breathtaking.

LZ Granderson is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine and a regular contributor to Page 2. He can be reached at lzgranderson@yahoo.com.

LZ Granderson | email

Senior Writer, ESPN The Magazine