News item: According to SoundScan, Ron Artest sold just 343 copies of his debut album, "My World," during its first week in release.

Buck up, Ron-Ron.

Granted, you tanked. Hard. As in: You would have been better off scoring the soundtrack to "Basic Instinct II: Risk Addiction." Even Kevin Federline's debut album sold 6,142 more copies than yours. And he's -- excuse our language -- Kevin Federline.

Still, things could be worse. A whole lot worse.

How so? Glad you asked. Without further ado, Page 2 presents the comprehensive list of products and items Artest's album managed to outsell last week:

342: Copies of "Hung for the Holidays," CD, William Hung.

339: Copies of "Mein Kampf." Yiddish edition.

321: Issues of "2007 Fantasy Curling Draft Guide." ($6.95 USA, $9.95 CAN)

304: Cans of Sanka coffee.

298: Commemorative footballs, Wake Forest Demon Deacons 1992 Poulan/Weedeater Independence Bowl Champions.

297: Commemorative soccer balls, Houston Dynamo 2006 MLS Cup Champions.

242: Copies of "The Architect: Karl Rove and the Master Plan for Absolute Power." James Moore and Wayne Slater, authors.

213: McRib sandwiches.

211: Copies of "The Complete Guide to Canine Genitalia, Third Edition." Illustrated.

199: Bottles of Tab soda.

142: Copies of "The Illiad." Book-on-tape. Read by Gilbert Gottfried.

130: "Buttweiser: King of Rears" parody T-shirts.

121: Copies of "Night Rocker," CD, David Hasselhoff. ($15.99 USA, 12 Euros Germany)

81: Tickets to Better Than Ezra concert, Stamford, Conn.

56: Dan Dierdorf throwback jerseys.

40: Paid subscriptions to AOL dial-up service.

32: Copies of "Exodus: Positive Christian Alternatives to Homosexuality." Pastor Ted Haggard, author.

25: Arizona Cardinals infant 2-piece mesh creeper sets.

16: Atari Jaguar video game consoles (eBay).

12: Apple Newtons (eBay).

9: Male chastity belts.

6: ESPN Mobile phones.

5: Copies of Playgirl, January 1995 issue. Cover model: Greg Evigan (eBay).

3 (tie): Copies of "Battlefield Earth," special edition DVD; copies of "Glitter," special edition DVD.

1: Dukakis/Bentsen '88 bumper stickers.

0: Copies of "Chinese Democracy," Guns N' Roses.

Patrick Hruby is a columnist for Page 2. Sound off to Page 2 here.