Is Kevin Durant stronger than a teenage girl?   

Updated: June 8, 2007, 3:43 PM ET

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Paid attention to the week in sports that was? Put your powers of observation and recall to the test with our weekly quiz:

Week in Review

1. Billy Donovan is the coach of:

(a) The Orlando Magic
(b) The Florida Gators
(c) Ask again later

2. When Tigers slugger Gary Sheffield told a Detroit newspaper that he would expose a "conspiracy" within baseball if he was suspended for an confrontation with an umpire, he was referring to:

(a) His claim in this month's GQ Magazine that Latin players have replaced African-Americans as baseball's most prevalent minority because they are easier to control
(b) How the CIA, Castro, the Freemasons, Osama Bin Laden, 12 Jewish bankers in Zurich and the severed head of Ted Williams are conspiring to expand the strike zone from their secret base on the lost continent of Atlantis
(c) The real reason Barry Bonds stole his personal chef
(d) It's Gary Sheffield. Who the hell knows?

3. Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella was suspended four games by Major League Baseball for a tirade against an umpire that included:

(a) Kicking dirt
(b) Tossing his cap
(c) Making contact with the umpire
(d) Threatening to expose the conspiracy within the game, starting with the plot against easily-controlled Latinos, such as himself

4. The Seattle Times reported that former Texas basketball star Kevin Durant was the only player at an Orlando NBA pre-draft camp who failed to:

(a) Bench press 185 pounds
(b) Help a friend move his couch to the other side of the living room
(c) Carry two gallons of milk up a flight of stairs
(d) Open a jar of spaghetti sauce

5. Police said people have told them that Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick was involved in a dogfighting operation at a house he owns in Virginia, where investigators reportedly found:

(a) Sixty-six dogs
(b) An electric treadmill modified for dog use
(c) "Heavy logging type chains" used to tether dogs
(d) A "pry bar" used to open the clamped-down mouths of dogs
(e) All of the above
(f) Sixty-six dogs who can bench press more than Kevin Durant

6. Investigators searching the house owned by Vick also found:

(a) A dog rape stand
(b) Ewww

7. Identify the graphic to the right:

London logo

(a) The newly-unveiled London 2012 Olympic logo, which cost $1 million to produce
(b) The newly-unveiled London 2012 Olympic logo, which has prompted 45,000 people to sign an online petition asking it be scrapped
(c) The newly-unveiled London 2012 Olympic logo, animated footage of which was pulled from the Web amid concerns it could trigger epileptic seizures
(d) The newly-unveiled London 2012 Olympic logo, which a member of the British Parliament called "garbage"
(f) The soon-to-be-former London 2012 Olympic logo

8. The London 2012 Olympic Logo most closely resembles:

(a) Rhinoceros vomit floating in Gatorade
(b) A post-apocalyptic can of Tab soda
(c) What you see on the screen right before your television dies
(d) $1 million, dyed pink and surrounded by flames
(f) My God. It's full of stars

9. A HIV/AIDS charity warned the British government that:

(a) The 2012 Olympics will be a "magnet" for sexual activity
(b) That competitors at the 2002 Winter Games went through 250,000 condoms in a 10-day period
(c) That the 2000 Sydney Games had to order 20,000 extra condoms after an initial supply of 70,000 ran out
(d) London 2012 is gonna be awesome

10. Tour de France director Christian Prudhomme conceded:

(a) He could not guarantee a drug-free race for this year's event
(b) No s__t

11. As a reward for setting the world hot dog-eating record by downing 59 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes, Joey Chestnut received:

(a) A free trip to New York City
(b) A year's supply of hot dogs
(c) A $250 gift card to an Arizona shopping mall
(d) A, B and C
(e) Immediate defibrillation

12. In his mixed martial arts debut, former NFL player Johnnie Morton was knocked out in:

(a) Thirty-eight seconds
(b) Under a minute
(c) Not much longer than the title of that Luke Perry bullriding movie
(d) About the same amount of time that it takes to read this item

13. Major League Soccer club Miami FC of the United Soccer League announced plans to:

(a) Hold a free beer night
(b) Sorry, can't answer. Too busy ordering Miami FC tickets

14. During a conference call with boxing writers, Antonio Tarver said he believes he might have lost a lopsided bout with Bernard Hopkins last June because:

(a) He was drugged before the fight
(b) He saw animated footage of the London 2012 Olympic logo before the fight
(c) He ate 59 hot dogs before the fight
(d) He went to a Miami FC game before the fight
(e) He confused Hopkins with Johnnie Morton

15. NBC's broadcast of Game 3 of the Stanley Cup finals drew the network's lowest-ever ratings for a prime-time program (1.1), even lower than:

(a) "Emeril!" the sitcom
(b) "Manimal"
(c) "Joey"
(d) All of the above
(e) No, really, all of the above

16. Anaheim's Stanley Cup-winning victory over Ottawa in Game 5 prompted enthusiastic celebration in:

(a) Southern California
(b) The office of Jeff Zucker, President and CEO, NBC Universal

17. Two fans of the Brazilian soccer club Palmeiras were detained at a police checkpoint for:

(a) Carrying a hand grenade they intended to throw at a bus carrying fans of Cruziero, a rival team, following a match
(b) Failing to throw the grenade at the Cruziero players during the match, like real soccer fans

18. A Hungarian soccer team owner reportedly hopes to eliminate hooliganism and on-field violence by:

(a) Playing hymns and religious music at his team's soccer stadium
(b) Good luck, dude

19. Stating "all my players must be happy," the same Hungarian soccer team owner also is instituting:

(a) Fines of 5,000 to 30,000 Euros for players who make "sad faces" when they are substituted or dropped
(b) Fines of 5,000 to 30,000 Euros for players who squint when heading the ball
(c) Fines of 5,000 to 30,000 Euros for players who grimace when being slide-tackled
(d) Fines of 5,000 to 30,000 Euros for players who show fear and cover their genitals instead of joining hands and singing "Kumbaya" during free kicks

ANALOGIES

20. The NHL : turning down Al-Jazeera's request for a Stanley Cup Finals press credential

(a) Geraldo : turning down a request to be on the next "Dancing With the Stars"
(b) Maurice Clarett : turning down an invitation to play in Mark Cuban's proposed football league
(c) The US Army : turning down Arabic translators for being gay
(d) All of the above

21. Illinois football coach Ron Zook : needing a cheat sheet to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at Wrigley Field

(a) Kevin Durant : needing a spotter to safely lift the bar, and just the bar
(b) A

EXTRA CREDIT

22. David Beckham is reconsidering his decision to play for the Los Angeles Galaxy because:

(a) He's attempting an international comeback with team England
(b) There's a chance he accidentally could flip to the Stanley Cup finals while watching American television
(c) The London 2012 Olympic Logo might follow him across the Atlantic Ocean
(d) He would like to remain on a separate continent from Mike Vick's dog rape stand

ESSAY QUESTION

Mike Tyson might star in a Bollywood movie. In 1,000 words of less, answer the following: Is this a good idea?

ANSWER KEY: 1, a; 2, all answers acceptable; 3, a-c; 4, a, though b-d seem probable; 5, e; 6, a, and honestly, that's disgusting; 7-8, all answers acceptable; 9, a-c; 10, a, and talk about going out on a limb; 11, d; 12, all answers acceptable; 13, a; 14, a; 15, e, plus "The Single Guy" and "Coupling"; 16-19, a; 20, d; 21-22, a; ESSAY QUESTION, any answer pointing out the inherent contradiction between the terms "Mike Tyson" and "good idea" OR including the phrase "hell yeah" is acceptable.

Patrick Hruby is a columnist for Page 2. Sound off to Page 2 here.


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