Paid attention to the week in sports that was? Put your powers of observation and recall to the test with our weekly quiz:
1. NFL Europa, an American football league largely based in Germany:
(A) Folded after 16 years of operation.
(B) NFL what?
2. In defeating Team New Zealand to retain the America's Cup, Swiss sailing team Alinghi proved that the most important factor in fielding a championship yacht program is:
(A) Hailing from a nation where chocolate, watchmaking and confidential financial transactions take a backseat to old-fashioned knot-tyin' and seafarin'.
(B) Hailing from a nation whose proud maritime tradition is best embodied by the K-Swiss Nautical Collection and Swiss Navy brand of premium personal lubricants.
(C) Hailing from a nation that actually borders an ocean.
(D) Cash, and lots of it.
3. Cynthia Rodriguez, wife of New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez, wore a T-shirt at Yankee Stadium that read:
(A) "F--- you" in cursive script.
(B) "F--- you NY Post" in flashing lights.
(C) "Whatever the drunk guy in Section 39 just yelled at my husband" in Times New Roman.
(D) "Have a nice day" and a smiley face, both rendered in tiny, illustrated middle fingers.
4. The attorney for Golden State Warriors coach Don Nelson claims Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is suing Nelson for using "confidential information" to help the Warriors upset the Mavericks in the first round of the playoffs, including:
(A) The top-secret inability of Jason Terry and Devin Harris to remotely hinder a one-legged Baron Davis.
(B) The deep, dark secret that Golden State likes to run and jack 3s, so maybe, just maybe, the Mavericks should have adjusted their game plan.
(C) The sort of inside hoops dope available to anyone with a television set, NBA League Pass and a single working eyeball.
(D) Seriously, when did Mark Cuban become Dick Cheney?
5. The estimated cost for San Diego's new NFL stadium is now:
(A) More than $800 million.
(B) Double the original estimate.
(C) A and B.
(D) About 800 million times more than Los Angeles is willing to spend.
6. The International Olympic Committee awarded the 2014 Winter Games to the Russian city of Sochi, a Black Sea resort that features:
(A) A palm tree-lined coast.
(B) Nearby snowcapped mountains.
(C) A and B.
(D) An enormous nonbiodegradable styrofoam partition that keeps the hot side hot and the cool side cool.
7. Asked if campaigns to secure the 2014 Games involved corruption and bribery, a Norwegian member of the IOC replied:
(B) "Of course not. What's the exchange rate for rubles?"
8. In an effort to promote its own league and team Web sites, the NFL reportedly is limiting outside media outlets to posting a maximum of 45 seconds of league-related video content online per day, including footage shot during:
(A) Press conferences in which coaches make Tony Snow look more candid than Diogenes.
(B) Player interviews that are almost as cliched as Hallmark cards.
(C) Practice field sideline reports in which some hairdo sans sports coat updates the status of Clinton Portis' sore left pinky toe while the punter, kicker and practice squad QB stretch in the background.
(D) All of the above.
9. Former Little League World Series pitcher Danny Almonte was:
(A) Cut from a minor league baseball team.
(B) Thrilled to see the words "minor" and "Danny Almonte" used in the same sentence without a hint of irony.
10. Rodney Marsh, an English forward who played in the North American Soccer League during the 1970s, said that incoming Major League Soccer import David Beckham should expect:
(A) "Hell," because MLS life "requires traveling 4,000 miles to play the New England Revolution, and there tends to be a second away game on the road."
(B) "Hell," because a four-day road trip can require "flying almost 9,000 miles and play[ing] twice. Do that four or five times, factoring in time changes, training and media engagements, and it becomes very wearing."
(C) "Hell," because Beckham's five-year, $250 million contract clearly isn't enough to cover a private jet and five-star travel accommodations.
(D) "Hell," because Rodney Marsh is a bit of a travel wuss.
(E) "Hell" on the pitch, because as Alexi Lalas has helpfully pointed out, MLS is as good as any other league in the world!
11. Angels outfielder Reggie Willits reportedly:
(A) Lived with his wife and son in a functional, self-built indoor batting cage for the past three years.
(B) Made Tampa Bay Bucs coach Jon Gruden wonder when he's going to stop goofing off, knuckle down and get serious about his career.
(C) Knows exactly who broke his living room window with a baseball.
(D) Can't understand why the vice president won't just go ahead and sleep in those man-sized safes he keeps in his office.
12. After a loss, New York Yankees reliever Scott Proctor:
(A) Burned all of his equipment.
(B) Neglected to invite the 282 million Americans living outside the New York metropolitan area to join in the fun.
13. Forty-four-year-old boxer Evander Holyfield defeated 41-year-old opponent Lou Savarese, but only because:
(A) Fifty-eight-year-old George Foreman is busy taping "American Inventor."
(B) Wilford Brimley already had the crap kicked out of him in "The Firm," and that was more than enough, thank you very much.
(C) Max Schmeling died two years ago.
(D) All of the above.
14. A former New York Knicks executive who is suing coach Isiah Thomas for sexual harassment alleged in court papers that:
(A) Thomas urged a cheerleader to flirt with referees by "going into the referees' locker room and mak[ing] them happy."
(B) That sounds like more than flirting.
15. The Knicks executive also alleged that:
(A) A member of her staff admitted to consensual drunken sex with Knicks guard Stephon Marbury.
(B) The aforementioned sex took place after a night at a "gentlemen's club."
(C) The aforementioned staffer "did not believe she could say no because of who Marbury is."
(D) All of the above.
(E) Zach Randolph is going to fit right in with the Knicks.
16. Reporting that Maria Sharapova's biggest dream is to become a Bond Girl, the Times of India newspaper quoted the tennis star as saying:
(A) "I'm really good at manipulating people. And I'm great at spying. I should have been Sherlock Holmes."
(B) "I have extensive espionage training, speak six languages fluently, can disarm a bomb in under 30 seconds and garrote a man with a tennis racket string in half that time."
(C) "Of course I should be a Bond Girl, since portraying an empty vessel for male desire wouldn't be much of a stretch. Make every shot a Power Shot!"
(D) Hey, the Times of India isn't the only news outlet that can make up ridiculous quotes.
17. Chestnut is to Kobayashi as:
(A) Lakers are to Celtics.
(B) Ali is to Frazier.
(C) Optimus Prime is to Megatron.
(D) All of the above.
18. San Francisco slugger Barry Bonds is to overcoming a 119,000 vote deficit in the final days of All-Star balloting as:
(A) Si-Hun Park is to defeating Roy Jones Jr. on points in a 1988 Olympic boxing gold-medal bout.
(B) Bonds is to muscling up, needing bigger hats and obliterating the single-season home run record at age 37.
(C) Italian soccer is to anyone winning anything.
(D) All of the above.
19. According to a San Francisco Chronicle report, which of the following Bonds-related handmade fan signs was NOT disallowed by the Arizona Diamondbacks:
(A) "Thou Shalt Not Covet Impure Gains."
(B) "Stop Inflating Records."
(C) "Bonds needs 756 days in jail."
(D) "Stop Inflating All-Star Vote Totals."
20. After staying at the house of friend and musical performer Kid Rock during the Buick Open, golfer John Daly told reporters that he:
(A) Yelled background vocals for a country song on Kid Rock's upcoming album.
(B) Had a hard time concentrating with all the screeching noise, as if millions of music critics suddenly cried out in terror and were silenced.
21. Hockey player Jeremy Roenick announced his retirement following an 18-year NHL career in which he:
(A) Was named to nine All-Star teams.
(B) Became the third-leading American goal-scorer in league history.
(C) Played for four teams and once reached the Stanley Cup finals.
(D) Joined Bo Jackson, Mike Tyson, Tom Chambers and Eagles QB No. 12 as one of the top five video-game athletes of all time.
(E) All of the above.
During a live television interview, Knicks guard Stephon Marbury:
• Predicted, "I'm gonna average like 10 points, 12-13 dimes and two to three assists."
• Said, "I shoot to win because I shoot to win. And that's it."
• Discussed a charity shopping spree for children he sponsored by stating, "I have to be able to give the teachers the tools that they need to be able to help the little kids. I can't give them what they need if they ain't got it."
• Checked his ringing cell phone, then said, "That's my better half my better ho my wife."
• Said of his sister, or possibly his daughter: "Yesterday when I kissed her, I felt her body and I felt her soul. I was delighted to be kissing her. I couldn't even cry, because I knew they were gonna be happy tears so I was able to control them. You know, you really cry when the really bad stuff."
• Started shimmying in his seat at the end of the interview, telling a sportscaster to "check it out, I do this like that to keep me closer to the light ahhhh like this! I want to see the spit on your mouth!"
In 800 words or less, please summarize Marbury's mental state.
ANSWER KEY: 1, A; 2, d; 3, A; 4, all answers acceptable, and frankly, if we knew the actual answer, it wouldn't be confidential information, now would it?; 5-6, C; 7, A, and hopefully we won't find Polonium 210 in our morning tea; 8, D; 9, A; 10, A or B; 11, A, and besides, Cheney sleeps in a coffin; 12, A; 13, D; 14, A; 15, D; 16, A; 17-19, D; 20, A; 21, E, dude was a beast in NHL '94. Essay question: Any answer that includes references to the DSM-IV, "cocaine is a hell of a drug" or "sounds like a guy who is still boxing at age 44" is acceptable.
Patrick Hruby is a columnist for Page 2. Sound off to Patrick here.