The next time someone mentions the poor little disrespected mid-majors and how these scrappy kids can play with anyone if they're just given a fair shot, I'm going to drive to a hospital, present my organ donor card, slip the docs $20 and politely request that they start with my ears.
So yeah, I'm a little sick of hearing about Billy Packer getting served.
In fact, that's hardly the only sports story that has me feeling burned out. There's Drew Rosenhaus and Terrell Owens. The Yankees and the Red Sox. The Superfund cleanup site that is Barry Bonds' liver. And while I'd love to blame my torpor on the newsmakers in question, the truth is that -- at least in this case -- guys like Bonds have a point.
It's all the media's fault.
We're all guilty -- of pandering, of laziness, of covering the same old stories in the same reflexive ways, until we're no longer beating a dead horse, but rather throttling a bottle of glue produced from said dead horse. There's little new to say, few angles that haven't been strip-mined, no cliché that can't be deployed, Delta Force-style, on a moment's notice.
Really, it's like Super Bowl media day -- only all the time, and without the Telemundo dude in the bumblebee costume. !Dios mio!
Of course, the obvious solution to my tired topic fatigue is to put down the paper. Watch less television. Which is all well and good, except that: (A) this requires self-control, not my strong suit, and (B) Terrell Owens.
To put things another way: If the issue is drug addiction, forget rehab. I'd rather burn some coca fields.
A decade ago, the international community ratified the Comprehensive Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, designed to limit nuclear proliferation. In the same spirit, I've crafted the following Tired Sports Story Ban Treaty, open to all members of the sports press -- broadcast, print and online.
I invite them to read it. Sign it. Make the world a better place -- or at least a place where the NFL draft isn't covered like D-day
Patrick Hruby is a columnist for Page 2. Sound off to Page 2 here.
Kurt Snibbe is a sports news artist for The Orange County (Calif.) Register, and his work appears frequently on Page 2. He can be reached at Sportoon@hotmail.com.