Why Bourbon St. beats out South Beach
Here are the 20 reasons you should be in New Orleans instead of Miami for the Super Bowl:
1. Because no Mardi Gras has, can or ever will come close to the madness that's about to erupt there.
2. Because neither the Sun Life Stadium nor the city of Miami is big enough to hold/control Who Dat Nation.
3. Because they don't say "Drew Brezzy Fasheezy" correctly in South Florida.
4. Because more people will be crammed into the Superdome on Sunday to watch the game.
6. Because the rest of the country just don't know how to "Second Line."
7. Because you won't hear Dr. John's "Iko Iko" or Professor Longhair's "Big Chief" or "What's My Name?" by the Hot 8 Brass Band blasting out of car windows and hotel lobbies everywhere you go.
8. Because for the first time in forever South Beach is going to have nothing on the French Quarter. Nothing!
9. Because if Peyton Manning wasn't playing in the game, he'd be in New Orleans for this.
10. Where else during this week can you get a free gold tooth with a fleur-de-lis on it?
11. Because at someone's house there will be an old lady who's been living in Louisiana and will tell you a story about how she was raised in the swamps and knew what this place was like "b'fore dem Saints came chere." She will tell you about how she was handed down a gumbo recipe that she would make only if the Saints ever made it to the Super Bowl. She's been waiting more than four decades. On Sunday, she will make that gumbo.
12. Because you can't get a Neptune's Monsoon in the state of Florida.
13. Because in Miami women will wear Reggie Bush jerseys as jerseys. In NOLA for the game, they'll be worn as skirts.
14. Because going to a Saints die-hard's house in New Orleans for this one game is going to be more awe-inspiring, more mind-numbing, more unforgettable, a more "tell-your-grandkids" type of experience (win or lose) than all the celeb parties and $500-a-pop functions going on in Miami combined. (Even if Diddy is hosting.)
15. Po-Boys, 72-ounce beers, oysters, Pat O's, Cooter Brown's, Café Du Monde, Tremé, the 9't Ward, Sazeracs, the Chinese Kitchen, crayfish, jambalaya, crawfish etouffee, collard green croquettes ... and did I say drive-through daiquiri spots?
16. Because people around you watching the game will actually know who Jonathan Vilma is, what Gregg Williams does, been following Devery Henderson before he got to LSU and know how to pronounce Pierson Prioleau's name correctly.
17. There's no other place where sinners and Saints will be praying for the exact same thing (and doing the exact same things) at the exact same time.
18. Because by the time you get there the City Council will have passed the emergency "What happens on Bourbon Street Stays on Bourbon Street" into law.
19. Because there's a difference in seeing thousands of people crying and millions of people crying after their team wins.
20. Because you can finally get to feel what hell feels like frozen over.