Judging from the slew of text messages I received this weekend, All-Star Weekend in Las Vegas was a hoot.

Of course, none of those texts had anything to do with basketball. Just about everything on the court was awful.

• The Rookie Challenge was dreadful.
We all knew this year's rookie class was weak, but who knew it was this bad?

Chris Paul, who had as much business in the McDonald's All-American Game as this one after all the games he missed, tied the Rookie Challenge assists record in the first half.

David Lee is a very good player, but the newbies played a big role in Lee having the best game by a big man (30 points, 14-for-14 from the field) since Bill Walton in the '73 NCAA Championship Game.

The beatdown was so embarrassing that, in a game that's expected to be a dunkfest, frustrated rookie Paul Millsap grabbed Danny Granger by the waist to prevent him from slamming one home in the second half, only to be on the wrong end of an and-1.

Shoot, Friday night must have made Monta Ellis forget any regret he felt about not going to college for a year. Had he done that, he would have gotten blitzed with the rest of those boys instead of catching five (!!!) alley-oops in less than four minutes in the second half.

Next year, to prevent this year's rookies from losing again -- what do you think Kevin Durant would do against those guys? -- they should change the format. Like folks do on the playground when predetermined groups of five are horribly overmatched, they should just shoot for captains and pick teams from there.

• Kobe Bryant struggled with the passing portion of the skills competition.
It's great when the jokes tell themselves.

• For the second year in a row, Nate Robinson struggled to make a dunk.
It's fun watching the little fellas dunk and all, but please don't let him back in next year. He didn't win, so he won't get an automatic invite. But needing about 745 practice tries for the second year in a row makes him no better than the exiled Birdman, Chris Andersen.

• Charles Barkley outruns a 67-year-old man.
Sure, I figured the only way Chuck would beat Dick Bavetta in a foot race would be if the bell from an ice cream truck was used as a starter's pistol. But even Barkley's monumental upset lost its luster when Bavetta, who dove futilely for the finish line, did postrace interviews while blood trickled from his knee. For at that moment, it became clear what we'd watched -- a fat man and an old man in a running race. No matter what, the winner did little more than beat a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

• Wayne Newton missed his line.
Newton's performance was bizarre, from his caked-on makeup to his faux attempts at playing several instruments. But when he didn't time the "yeah!" properly that closed his performance before Sunday's game, it became clear that having the All-Star Game in Vegas was better in theory than in application.

• There was no rap music to be found.
Toni Braxton sang a song that was a hit 11 years ago. Christina Aguilera sang "Ain't No Other Man" in public for the umpteenth time before going through a neutered version of "Candy Man." And Cirque du Soleil must have sent the B-team.

And the league thought hip-hop was bad for its image?

It's understood that the NBA wants to change its public face, but change isn't good for its own sake. The adult contemporary entertainment may have been meant to reflect the history of Vegas, but I'd rather have heard T.I. beat-box the national anthem than any of that.

• Craig Sager is who we thought he was.
A friend of mine asked, after seeing Sager's sport coat Friday night, "Is it furry or speckled?"

The answer -- both.

And that looked like something from Michael Jordan's closet compared to the purple people-eater -- with a reddish collar -- that he wore Sunday night.

• The PA announcer never started the "defense" chant.
Yes, it's the All-Star Game. Defense isn't what we tune in for. But dunks are fun when they're on people.

• The East, also, is what we thought it was.
You know what, maybe they should shoot for captains in the real game, too.

Bomani Jones is a columnist for Page 2. Tell him how you feel at readers@bomanijones.com.