By Brian and Andy Kamenetzky
Special to Page 2
Many people were shocked -- shocked! -- to learn that former Georgia assistant Jim Harrick Jr. administered to his Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball students, including three Bulldogs players, a totally unfailable final exam. (All students were given A's). But should anyone have been surprised?
Through some back-channel connections, we were able to uncover Harrick Jr.'s class syllabus. A quick review indicates that we should have seen this coming.
Class: Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball
Teacher: Jim Harrick, Jr.
Time: Oh, say, noonish. Whenever you want, really. Or don't. I'm not really paying attention.
Course Overview: Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball will introduce students to a wide variety of philosophies of basketball, including offense, defense, and the pick and roll. Special attention will be paid to the following: How to perpetrate academic fraud, how to cover up academic fraud, and how to emulate your father's coaching ethic.
Required Materials: a pulse (optional).
|Lecture Schedule: (ED. Note: The following are excerpts)
||Introduction to Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball. Lesson No. 1 of good coaching: Don't push the troops too hard. Once you read this, or know anyone who has a 50/50 shot of having read it, class dismissed.
||Field Trip to Stegeman Coliseum (Georgia Bulldogs Arena).
||Basketballs: More round or square? Discuss.
||Wastebasket H.O.R.S.E. Wadding the perfect paper ball.
||No class. Y'all must be a little tuckered out by this pace.
||T-shirt or no T-shirt: Deciding what to wear under your jersey.
||"Hoosiers," "Love and Basketball," "The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh," "Juwanna Mann," "Space Jam," "The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island" and any other DVDs I can show about basketball while I take a nap.
||NCAA Regulations: Have you seen the size of the manual? I have, and boy it's big. Coaches, even assistants, don't have time to read all that. This lecture will focus on how to pick an easy few, and concentrate on those.
||Correctly identify me from a photo of me and my dad and receive bonus points.
||Warning signs that your program may be crooked. And how to ignore them.
||Teamwork. Coaches must be able to motivate players to work as a team. Today, we will work as a team by thinking of questions for the final exam.
||Dickie V Imitation Day. Bonus points for those who can read the entire syllabus in his voice. Or just read the entire syllabus. Or are here. Or not here.
||Test Review Day. Please bring to class any questions you have about how to explain to University officials that you got an A on the upcoming exam, perhaps without ever actually attending.
||The Final Exam. Be proud, students. You've just received a perfect grade from a major institution of higher learning. Congratulations. So who's the best Division I assistant coach in basketball? (Hint, it's not Ron Jursa, John Pelphrey, or Steve Wojciechowski!)