By Brian and Andy Kamenetzky
Special to Page 2

Many people were shocked -- shocked! -- to learn that former Georgia assistant Jim Harrick Jr. administered to his Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball students, including three Bulldogs players, a totally unfailable final exam. (All students were given A's). But should anyone have been surprised?

Through some back-channel connections, we were able to uncover Harrick Jr.'s class syllabus. A quick review indicates that we should have seen this coming.

Class: Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball

Teacher: Jim Harrick, Jr.

Time: Oh, say, noonish. Whenever you want, really. Or don't. I'm not really paying attention.

Course Overview: Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball will introduce students to a wide variety of philosophies of basketball, including offense, defense, and the pick and roll. Special attention will be paid to the following: How to perpetrate academic fraud, how to cover up academic fraud, and how to emulate your father's coaching ethic.

Required Materials: a pulse (optional).

Lecture Schedule: (ED. Note: The following are excerpts)
Class 1: Introduction to Coaching Principles and Strategies of Basketball. Lesson No. 1 of good coaching: Don't push the troops too hard. Once you read this, or know anyone who has a 50/50 shot of having read it, class dismissed.
Class 2: Field Trip to Stegeman Coliseum (Georgia Bulldogs Arena).
Class 3: Basketballs: More round or square? Discuss.
Class 4: Wastebasket H.O.R.S.E. Wadding the perfect paper ball.
Class 5: No class. Y'all must be a little tuckered out by this pace.
Class 6: T-shirt or no T-shirt: Deciding what to wear under your jersey.
Class 7: "Hoosiers," "Love and Basketball," "The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh," "Juwanna Mann," "Space Jam," "The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island" and any other DVDs I can show about basketball while I take a nap.
Class 8: NCAA Regulations: Have you seen the size of the manual? I have, and boy it's big. Coaches, even assistants, don't have time to read all that. This lecture will focus on how to pick an easy few, and concentrate on those.
Class 9: Correctly identify me from a photo of me and my dad and receive bonus points.
Class 10: Warning signs that your program may be crooked. And how to ignore them.
Class 11: Teamwork. Coaches must be able to motivate players to work as a team. Today, we will work as a team by thinking of questions for the final exam.
Class 12: Dickie V Imitation Day. Bonus points for those who can read the entire syllabus in his voice. Or just read the entire syllabus. Or are here. Or not here.
Class 13: Test Review Day. Please bring to class any questions you have about how to explain to University officials that you got an A on the upcoming exam, perhaps without ever actually attending.
Class 14: The Final Exam. Be proud, students. You've just received a perfect grade from a major institution of higher learning. Congratulations. So who's the best Division I assistant coach in basketball? (Hint, it's not Ron Jursa, John Pelphrey, or Steve Wojciechowski!)