The question: Is Doug Flutie worthy of the Hall of Fame?

The answer: No.

Get Ken Burns on the line, and see whether Billy Crystal and George Will will agree to be filmed sitting on big luxurious chairs pontificating about the time their fathers told them about the time Ol' Double X hit his 19th: In the latest meaningless recitation of numbers, it has been reported -- breathlessly -- that Albert Pujols reached 19 homers faster than anyone in history.

You know you're in charge when you decide when and how you're playing through low-level proxy: The New York Times reports that Felipe Alou's lineup card, with Bonds back in the fourth spot, didn't appear on the wall of the Giants' clubhouse until a few minutes after Harvey Shields, Bonds' stretching coach, paid a brief visit to the manager's office.

Besides, how hard is it to find something even remotely close on the occupation line of the tax form? When people ask what you do for a living and you say you help one human being make sure his hamstrings don't tighten up, how much of your humanity dies every time?

And not only that, but: If you're really doing your job, you should make sure those hamstrings and quads are in good enough condition to at least leave the batter's box when your man hits a pop-up on the infield.

In the tradition of managers who go with their gut instinct -- Grady Little, Dusty Baker -- here's an unscientific reason why the Spurs won't win the title this year: Tim Duncan's ongoing bursts of disgust at the referees tell me he's a guy who feels some creeping doubt.

And finally, a sneak preview of tonight's episode of "Bonds on Bonds": "And then I hit another pop-up."

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. Sound off to Page 2 here.



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