The Weekly Best for 12/8
Welcome to the Weekly Best, a look at the best in sports, pop culture and Budapest cave dwellers.
Best offense: A good defense.
Best time to drink Hennessy: Halftime.
Best job opening: Notre Dame's?
Best spokesman for the benefits of Ambien: Allegedly Tiger Woods.
Best typewriter sold this week: Cormac McCarthy's -- for $254,000.
Best to remain anonymous: The clock keeper for the Texas-Nebraska game.
Best rock magazine opening a new restaurant in Los Angeles: Rolling Stone.
Best autograph in the new Cowboys Stadium: Eli Manning's.
Best metaphor for Michigan's tumultuous season: It was like Hurricane Katrina.
Best band that hasn't been invited to play the Super Bowl: AC/DC.
Best ambassador for U.S. speedskating: Stephen Colbert.
Best candidates to upgrade their living conditions: The Budapest cave dwellers who might inherit $6.6 billion.
Best divorce: AOL from Time Warner.
Best thing to be on June 12, 2010: Not an English soccer fan.
Best way to describe that last statement: Blatant American nationalism.
Best event we wish took place every two years: The World Cup.
Best candidate once again snubbed by the Baseball Hall of Fame: Marvin Miller.
Best University of Portland basketball team since 1959: This year's.
Best men's doubles players: The Bryan brothers.
Best line in the NHL: Thornton, Heatley, Marleau.
Best girlfriend: Not Andy Murray's ex.
Best DVD coming out Dec. 15: "The Hangover."
Best opponent for the New Jersey Nets: The Charlotte Bobcats.
Best rapper on the Vatican's online playlist: Tupac Shakur.
Best number retired on Sunday: 58 (Derrick Thomas, Chiefs).
Best No. 1 draft pick out for the season again: Greg Oden.
Best team that can't hold a fourth-quarter lead: The Steelers.
Best way to announce you're a cat person: You went to the Georgia Dome wearing a Michael Vick jersey last Sunday.
Best friends for life: Charlie Weis and Pete Carroll.
Best team with one road win: The Patriots.
Best touchdown of the season: The Saints' Robert Meachem stripping Kareem Moore of the Redskins after Moore had picked off Drew Brees.
Best football team in need of driver re-education: The Minnesota Vikings.
Best indication that December has arrived: The Cowboys lost.
Best cry: Allen Iverson.
Best NCAA women's soccer team: North Carolina.
Best fat lip: Yi Jianlian of the Nets, who needed 50 stitches after being inadvertently elbowed by teammate Sean Williams.
Best-selling record of all-time: "White Christmas."
Best rivalry in college hockey coaching: Jack Parker of Boston University and Jerry York of Boston College.
Best thing you can buy on March 13, 2010: The Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.
Best national coming out party: John Wall of Kentucky in the game against North Carolina.
Best college hoops game this week: Kentucky versus UConn, Wednesday.
Best movie that didn't need to be remade: "Bad Lieutenant."
Best defense for Goldman Sachs executives worried about public backlash: Handguns?
Best bowl game played outside the United States: The International Bowl in Toronto.
Best tactic to kill the NFL's competitive balance: Eliminate revenue-sharing.
Best NBA player this season: Carmelo Anthony.
Best postgame sound bite: Justin Tuck calling Flozell Adams a "dirtbag" and a "coward" for pushing him in the back after the whistle was blown.
Best Broncos fan: Tim McKernan, aka "Barrel Man," who died Saturday.
Best case of exaggerated accomplishment: The Raiders' Todd Watkins after they beat the Steelers: "Our receivers coach [Sanjay Lal] gave us a message: The Miracle on Ice, Buster Douglas knocking out Tyson it wasn't unbelievable for us."
Best newspaper correction: "A Nov. 26 article in the District edition of Local Living incorrectly said a Public Enemy song declared 9/11 a joke. The song refers to 911, the emergency phone number." -- Washington Post.
Best case of irony: Bobby Bowden's last game will be the Gator Bowl.
Best way to lose your lunch: Watch E.J. Henderson break his femur.
Best story we have a hard time believing: Tim Donaghy says he didn't make any calls that affected the outcome of NBA games.
Best excuse to familiarize yourself with the work of author Jonathan Ames: "Bored to Death," the HBO comedy based loosely on his life.
Best running back passed on the all-time rushing list: Jim Brown, by LaDainian Tomlinson.
Best reception total in the NCAA this year: Freddie Barnes of Bowling Green.
Best attitudes on "The Amazing Race": From the couple who deservedly won.
Best box-office take: "The Blind Side" with $20.4 million.
Best upcoming season finale: Hopefully "Dexter."
Best decade for warm weather: The 2000s.
Cam Martin is a contributor to Page 2. He previously worked for the Greenwich (Conn.) Time and The (Stamford, Conn.) Advocate, and has written online for CBS Sports and Comcast SportsNet New England. You can contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.