Commentary

The Weekly Best for March 2

Originally Published: March 2, 2010
By Cam Martin | Special to Page 2

Welcome to the Weekly Best, a look at the best in sports, pop culture and cell-phone surgery.

Best doormat inscription: "Go Away."

Best country in the Winter Olympics: The United States.

Best sign of our superiority: The medal count.

Best boost to our medal count: We owned those silver medals.

Best sport you can go back to not watching: Hockey.

Best Crosby in North American history: David Crosby of Crosby, Stills & Nash.

Best after that: Cathy Lee Crosby of "That's Incredible."

Best after that: No idea.

Best use of a golden opportunity: Canadian goalie Roberto Luongo.

Best friend Luongo will ever have: Some guy named Crosby.

Best medal count among Great Britain, Estonia and Kazakhstan: A three-way tie with one.

Best place to be in February 2014: Sochi, Russia, for the next Winter Olympics.

Best not make plans, however: The world is ending in 2012.

Best public place to mix coffee and guns: Starbucks.

Best-paid college alums: Dartmouth.

Best indication that you need more hobbies: You watched the NFL combine.

Best thing to do with your sunglasses when you get inside: Take them off, cool guy.

Best Division I college basketball team: Syracuse.

Best college basketball team in Syracuse, N.Y.: LeMoyne.

Best update your résumé: Terrell Owens.

Best place for Brandon Marshall to play football: Somewhere besides Denver.

Best possible changes to the NFL overtime rules: None.

Best reason for that: If you can't win in regulation, you haven't earned the right to at least one more offensive possession.

Best time to stop watching "Lost:" A few seasons ago.

Best James Garner show being reprised: "The Rockford Files."

Best actor to play Jim Rockford: Dermot Mulroney?

Best film critic in my lifetime: Roger Ebert.

Best thing about his appearance on Tuesday's Oprah: Even though he lost his voice to throat cancer, he'll share his Oscar predictions using a computer voice simulator.

Best atom-smasher back online: The Large Hadron Collider.

Best we can hope to learn from this device: Only the secrets of the universe.

Best psychological extreme: March Madness.

Best asset of a fool: Persistence.

Best league for Hasheem Thabeet: The D-League.

Best show to watch at 11:30: Anything but Jay Leno.

Best warning that killer whales are dangerous: They have the word "killer" in their name.

Best reason to postpone a basketball game: A tsunami is heading your way.

Best news possible: The tsunami never materialized and the game between Hawaii and Nevada went off as scheduled.

Best new luxury item: The first commercially available jet pack can now be yours for $77,000.

Best height they can reach: 1.5 miles.

Best speed they can attain: 60 mph.

Best place to fly them: Far away from well-known hunting grounds.

Best Davidson highlight not involving Stephen Curry: The ending of this double-overtime win against Elon.

Best show on Sunday: The Academy Awards.

Best bet to be wearing his sunglasses inside: Jack Nicholson.

Best excuse he can give: None. He's Jack Nicholson; he can do whatever the hell he wants.

Best contestant on the next season of "Dancing with the Stars:" Erin Andrews.

Best way to get run out of New York: Rush for more than 1,400 yards like Thomas Jones, who's getting released by the Jets.

Best look on the bright side: Maybe Shaquille O'Neal will return from his right-thumb surgery as a better free throw shooter.

Best college to study video-game design: USC.

Best put a few dollars on the Cleveland Indians: According to VegasInsider.com, they have the longest odds (100-1) to win the American League pennant.

Best save your money: The Nationals have the same odds to win the National League flag.

Best solution if your cell phone lands in liquid: Take the battery out as soon as possible and put the phone in rice for 24 hours.

Best explanation for why this helps: The rice absorbs the moisture.

Best explanation for why I know this: I dropped my phone in a beer last week, then went Googling for remedies.

Best news for my phone: You're alive!

Best person to blame when your phone lands in a beer: That phantom guy who bumped into you.

Best I can truthfully say for myself: I'm a klutz with uncanny aim.

Cam Martin is a contributor to Page 2. He previously worked for the Greenwich (Conn.) Time and The (Stamford, Conn.) Advocate, and has written online for CBS Sports and Comcast SportsNet New England. You can contact him at cdavidmartin@yahoo.com.


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