Terrell Owens is already a wealthy man, and we can respect his desire to get wealthier to a point. But that point's well past. And a holdout well, where else is the world's greatest player going to play football except the NFL? Nowhere, baby! So, we're going to help this Eagle fly on to another career. We'll try to keep Sundays open, just in case.
This is T.O.'s 'in' to Hollywood: huge crossover potential. Dig this: Paula Abdul got her big break charting out dance moves in "Bull Durham" and "The Karate Kid, Part III." Most fans think players mock Owens by imitating his "Eagle soars" moves, but really they're paying homage to the next Martha Graham.
Average salary (Los Angeles): $34,013
T.O. promotional bonus: $100K per premiere after-party appearance
It has been Paris Hilton's career, but now that she's charging for party appearances, the sky is the limit in this field. But Paris has much more experience, so she's getting top dollar.
Paris' fee: $100K per 20 minutes
T.O.'s starting fee: $20K per 20 minutes in sports bars; $20K bonus for Philly appearances (combat pay)
Owens likes snacks and sells salsa, peanuts and peanut brittle on his personal Web site. There's a whole wide world of other snacks yet to be invented.
Average salary: $63,664 (source: Hotjobs.com)
See above. Peanuts and peanut-based products are they T.O.'s secret love?
Average salary: $106,750 ($610 per ton, paid by federal government as subsidy. A 100-acre irrigated Georgia peanut farm yields about 175 tons.)
Bonus: Possible job upgrade to U.S. President (Salary: $400K)
You know he has the moves, and the sense of humor.
Salary range (NFL): $150/game to $30K/season (source: Columbia News Service)
Salary range (MLB): $25K avg. per season (source: CNN.com)
Elegant cursive writing never goes out of style, and the demand for calligraphers will never wane. T.O.'s the master signing a football after sprinting for a TD is as hard as stopping to target-shoot in the middle of a cross-country ski race.
T.O. bonus: Up to $100K for product endorsements
He knows what it takes to please desperate housewives, but he has to work on how not to anger husbands, friends and family in the process. T.O.'s smooth, so we have confidence he can do it.
Average salary (New York): $2,000/night + tips (source: Ratso Rizzo Jr.)
Beach tennis player
If T.O. wants to make a real statement, he can hoof it down to Charleston and help kick off the Beach Tennis USA tour. Beach tennis? Think "BASEketball" and you're not far off.
Average player salary: TBD. Winner of Northeast Regional Championship Tournament in August gets $10K.
T.O. promotional bonus: $10K per exhibition match
Owens played hoops for the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, and even started a few games. He also played for the Adirondack Wildcats of the USBL and is a crack dunker. Definite minor-league hoops material.
Average player salary: $30K
NBDL dunk contest winner bonus: $5K