Special to Page 2
I never would have thought the day would come when The Cooler was overrun by the violin players, the fat kids, the nerds – the dregs of the playgrounds of our youth. But today is their day.
Today, the drama geeks rejoice. Today, the kids who were more into their science projects than P.E. class feel a warm glow.
Aaron Rodgers is their patron saint.
Though Rodgers will go down in history as a first-round draft pick in the NFL, though he will be a millionaire, and perhaps one day an All-Pro player, for one long ... excruciating ... never-ending ... day, he was The Kid Who Wasn't Picked.
How often did that drama play out on the playing fields of our childhood? You're made captain of a team for a pickup softball game. You pick the studs first, your buddies second, and then round out your roster with the decreasing pool of talent – until there's just ... one ... guy ... left.
He's likely picking his nose, too.
In the high-stakes world of the NFL Draft, Aaron Rodgers was that guy. Thankfully, he was never seen a knuckle deep into his nostrils.
How painful to see his wait play out on a national stage, especially since Rodgers was decked out in a pinstriped three-piece suit and had clearly spent the better part of his morning crafting his 'do, with enough hair product to make Ryan Seacrest take note. And I like Rodgers' act. I'm a Pac-10 alum and booster. I know, as Aaron Rodgers surely will prove, and as stated by one of my favorite characters of all time, the anonymous surfer-stoner at the 1989 UCLA-Michigan game that we play some ball on the West Coast.
And yet the Draft was 4½ hours old when a colleague during our broadcast for KNBR Radio in San Francisco said on the air: "Man, he may have to re-gel."
Full credit to Rodgers for not breaking down into tears and curling up in the fetal position. He played it straight. That was one way to go, and surely the classy route.
He passed, however, on a rich opportunity to play the situation for laughs. Think of the possibilities: He could have ordered a pizza. He could have popped off his Wing Tips and taken a nap. He could have, around pick 15, donned the fail-safe comedy piece – the fake nose and glasses. Any of those would have made for solid ESPN cutaways. Imagine a shot of him holding a slice high, letting the warm, dripping cheese of a pie curl into his open mouth, while Tags announced the 22nd pick a few feet away.
Or the cameras cutting back to Rodgers and the kid holding up a cardboard sign that read: "WILL PLAY FOR FOOD."
Instead, he maintained his calm, stroked his soul patch, and never even re-gelled.
It's that kind of composure that will serve the Green Bay Packers well.
Godspeed, Aaron Rodgers. We admire your poise. Meanwhile, the fat kids and violin players everywhere feel your pain.
On, then, to the Weekend List of Five:
1. The Test.
Like I said, I worked the radio side for the draft, and was amazed at the development as it unfolded: We'd gone 3½ hours before anybody mentioned the word "Wonderlic." It was former 49er great Brent Jones who busted out the "W" word in an interview with us.