Quotes of the Year: Asinine and heartfelt
We're building some serious momentum in our countdown of Page 2's Quotes of the Year. Kindly remain focused and make it a point to stay hydrated as we move into Part 3:
60. "Heck yeah, as far as what me and my brain are thinking."
-- Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon, on the prospect of making $10M per year heading into arbitration last offseason
Page 2 spin: Apparently, Boston general manager Theo Epstein and his brain were thinking more about longtime nemesis Mariano Rivera than Papelbon earlier this offseason.
59. "I'm a baseball player. I don't know how to read very good; I don't know how to write very good. We just go play, man. That's it."
-- Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia
Page 2 spin: Pedroia should be admired for overcoming his academic shortcomings with superhuman levels of scrappiness.
58. "I'm feeling like I ain't getting no hits."
-- Red Sox outfielder J.D. Drew
Page 2 spin: We can only begin to imagine the breadth of meaningful topics discussed on Red Sox team flights.
57. "I haven't died. Right now I'm drinking a beer and eating fried chicken. What were you expecting, a funeral?"
-- Rockets center Yao Ming, on his latest foot injury
Page 2 spin: Now that's the kind of injury rehabilitation we can get behind.
56. "Right now I'm just going inside to have a margarita."
-- Former NBA player Chris Dudley, after conceding Oregon gubernatorial race
Page 2 spin: Hurry, you might be able to get Yao to pick up the check.
55. "Nobody is going to ask what Andray [Blatche] did to deserve it."
-- Magic guard Gilbert Arenas, on defecating in a former teammate's shoe
Page 2 spin: Lo and behold, someone did ask Arenas, and here's how he answered.
54. "These kids have made a lot of people live for something again."
-- Kansas State basketball coach Frank Martin, on his team's run to the Elite Eight making the school's alumni proud
Page 2 spin: Hey Coach, nice job painting a glorious picture of life in Kansas!
53. "Just think of the rationale behind the whole thing. If you're going to get rejuvenated, you don't take over the Nets."
-- Louisville coach Rick Pitino, on reports he had contacted the Nets about becoming their head coach
Page 2 spin: Pitino's Cardinals subsequently
rallied around their coach got trampled in a 19-point loss to St. John's, a team that would fire its coach at season's end.
52. "We were like pit bulls, ready to get out of the cage."
-- Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson, on being motivated following a pregame scuffle with the Redskins
Page 2 spin: Delivered without a hint of irony after teammate Michael Vick became the first NFL player to compile at least 300 yards passing, 50 yards rushing, four passing touchdowns and two rushing touchdowns in a game.
51. "We've gotta stand with our North Korean allies."
-- Former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin
Page 2 spin: We're beginning to think Palin is responsible for putting Indianapolis in the AFC South.
50. "I'm addicted to perfection. Problem with my life is I was always also addicted to chaos. Perfect chaos."
-- Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson
Page 2 spin: As it turns out, Perfect Chaos is the name of a Finnish death metal band. So there's that.
49. "One of the doctors asked me to say the months backwards. I can't do that on a regular day."
-- Nuggets forward Carmelo Anthony, on being knocked unconscious in a game against the Thunder
Page 2 spin: Sounds as if Melo would fit right in with the Red Sox.
48. "Nobody would like to have that charge hanging over their head even if they are dead."
-- Former Doors guitarist Robbie Krieger, on Jim Morrison being pardoned 41 years after allegedly exposing himself at a Miami concert
Page 2 spin: The details of the incident are disputed, so we might not ever know if Morrison actually took his talents to South Beach.
47. "I had sex yesterday. With some of the moves I did -- I should be fine."
-- Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco, on testing out his injured left knee
Page 2 spin: Even Chan Ho Park doesn't seem candid by comparison.
46. "I won't even go snowboarding if I'm not stoned. I get bored with it."
-- Pro snowboarder Nate Bozung
Page 2 spin: It's safe to say that snowboarding doesn't have the strictest drug testing in sports.
45. "He's a very young and immature kid who smoked too much marijuana."
-- Timberwolves president David Kahn, on forward Michael Beasley
Page 2 spin: Not the best choice of words to introduce a newly acquired player.
44. "Flopped out my old fella."
-- New Zealand lawn bowler David File, on exposing himself to teammates because they were playing poorly
Page 2 spin: Those Kiwis really have a way with words.
43. "I thought it was very fashion forward and a very big risk. Even riskier than man-cleavage and a pink ruffle."
-- U.S. figure skater Johnny Weir, on the overalls-like costume of Italy's Samuel Contesti
Page 2 spin: But not as risky as the wardrobe of Morehead State women's basketball coach Tom Hodges.
42. "Before I what, die?"
-- Penn State football coach Joe Paterno, finishing the sentence of a columnist who was defining the term "bucket list"
Page 2 spin: Joe Paterno will never die. He's a cyborg from the planet Nittany, sent here to break all our coaching records and redefine eyewear fashion.
41. "My comment to Charlie Villanueva was in fact, 'You are cancerous to your team and our league'"
-- Celtics forward Kevin Garnett, denying that he called the Pistons forward "a cancer patient."
Page 2 spin: We'd be more inclined to believe Garnett if he weren't the same guy who said, "I don't promote cussing, but it helps."
Thomas Neumann is an editor for Page 2.