Commentary

Charlie Sheen vs. Mike Tyson quote quiz

Originally Published: March 1, 2011
By Thomas Neumann | Page 2

Charlie Sheen, Mike Tyson ESPN.com Illustration

The recent travails of quotable actor Charlie Sheen have captured headlines around the world. So naturally, Page 2 decided to compile a quiz comparing two of the most influential wordsmiths of our generation -- Sheen and former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson.

See if you can distinguish which of the following quotes are from Sheen and which are from Tyson. Good luck!


1. "Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson


2. "My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson


3. "It's like I'm a naked tornado that comes through a city and there's just so much wreckage. There's so much destruction, and when it's finally over, it's like the morning after and you're sober and ... what the f--- happened here?"

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson


4. "There was one big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful, but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let me smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson


5. "There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson


6. "My power is discombobulatingly devastating. I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson


7. "They're trying to destroy my family. I take great umbrage with that. Defeat is not an option. They picked a fight with a warlock."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson


8. "I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time -- and this includes naps -- I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson


9. "People misinterpret my passion for anger."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson


10. "I'm addicted to perfection. Problem with my life is I was always also addicted to chaos. Perfect chaos."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson


Bonus: "I can not be defeated. I beat all man. Someday, I will beat a real champion. If he dies, he dies."

a) Charlie Sheen
b) Mike Tyson






Answer key: 1, a; 2, b; 3, b; 4, b; 5, a; 6, b; 7, a; 8, a; 9, a; 10, b; Bonus, Trick question -- Ivan Drago said that in "Rocky IV," but you already knew that.


Rating guide:
0-2 correct answers: Congratulations, you're aggressively normal!
3-4 correct answers: Remain calm. All is well.
5-6 correct answers: You're starting to worry us.
7-8 correct answers: Dr. Phil will see you now.
9-11 correct answers: Welcome to dysfunction junction. Population: You.

Thomas Neumann is an editor for Page 2.


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