Quotes of the Year: Genius and idiocy
Here at Page 2, we've kept our ears peeled all year, culling our favorite excerpts of genius and idiocy from all corners of the sports world and beyond.
A list of this sort wouldn't be complete without the usual suspects, such as Ozzie Guillen, Shaquille O'Neal and Terrell Owens. But we promise plenty of twists, turns and surprises to hold your interest through the entire countdown. Click the links on the speakers' names to read the quotes in full context.
Without further ado, we proudly present Page 2's Quotes of the Year for 2009:
50. "It was such a loosey-goosey era. I'm guilty for a lot of things. I'm guilty for being negligent, naïve, not asking all the right questions. And to be quite honest, I don't know exactly what substance I was guilty of using."
-- Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez
Page 2 spin: If he doesn't know what substance he was putting in his body, should we wonder whether he's putting egg nog in the gas tank of his Mercedes?
49. "He's mowing his grass. He's working on his farm. He enjoys that stuff.
He can't hear that phone on his tractor, anyway."
-- Bus Cook, agent for Brett Favre
Page 2 spin: John Denver + Johnny Unitas = Brett Favre.
48. "We own you."
-- Broncos coach Josh McDaniels, to Chargers players prior to his team's 32-3 loss to San Diego
Page 2 spin: In McDaniels' defense, he didn't initiate the conversation. He was responding to trash-talking Chargers. Still ouch!
47. "A very lovely woman. Those lips are something."
-- Former UCLA basketball coach John Wooden, 99, on Angelina Jolie
Page 2 spin: Still sharp as a tack.
46. "It's not good when you light up two Marlboros at the same time at 3 a.m., washing it down with a glass of chocolate milk. You know you have a lot on your mind when you do that."
-- Tigers manager Jim Leyland
Page 2 spin: Ten bones says it wasn't chocolate milk.
45. "Boise sounds good. I want to go to all 50 states, and I can't see myself going to Idaho for any other reason."
-- Missouri point guard Zaire Taylor, on opening the NCAA tournament in Boise
Page 2 spin: We definitely hope Taylor made it out to see the world's largest Styrofoam potato.
44. "One of our players 'broke wind' and only the referee heard it and he booked the player."
-- English soccer manager Ian Treadwell, explaining that one of his Chorlton Villa players received an "unsporting behaviour" yellow card for flatulence
Page 2 spin: We can't even make this stuff up.
43. "It's almost like kicking a dead horse in the ground."
-- Bills wide receiver Terrell Owens, on the possibility NFL commissioner Roger Goodell would suspend Michael Vick after he became reinstated
Page 2 spin: Yep, that is in fact the worst place to kick a dead horse.
42. "This is one of the games where you can say it's a feel-good loss."
-- Knicks forward Al Harrington, after a defeat at the hands of the Cavaliers in which LeBron James scored 52 points and narrowly missed a triple-double
Page 2 spin: Somewhere, legendary Knicks coach Red Holzman is frowning.
41. "Because our fans are not stupid like Cubs fans. They know we're [expletive]
Wrigley Field is just a bar."
-- White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, on why his team's fans won't come out to watch a bad product but Cubs fans will
Page 2 spin: Guillen became an American citizen in 2006, and we desperately hope he is tapped one day to become a U.S. ambassador.
40. "I told coach early on that I was having trouble in Spanish."
-- 73-year-old Roane State junior college basketball player Ken Mink
Page 2 spin: Should've gone to Florida State, dude.
39. "I don't know if we should call it the Fiesta Bowl or the Kids Table Bowl, because I think these two upstarts were put at the kids table to play their own game."
-- Rep. Jim Matheson (D-Utah), on TCU and Boise State not being able to play against teams from BCS conferences this postseason
Page 2 spin: On the bright side, tasty Tostitos will be served at the kids table.
38. "They could tell him to attend alcohol rehab on the moon, and he'd agree to it."
-- Gregory Daniels, attorney for Matt Bush, who was selected No. 1 overall in the 2004 MLB draft
Page 2 spin: Is there an independent league on the moon?
37. "I would really ask that you guys don't write this? If Tiger is NOT implicated, and won't be, let's please give the kid a break."
-- Mark Steinberg, agent for Tiger Woods
Page 2 spin: This quote is likely to end up in a public relations textbook, in the chapter on what to never tell the media.
36. "Look, there's no doubt small amounts of our tickets might be overpriced."
-- Yankees co-owner Hal Steinbrenner
Page 2 spin: Congratulations, Hal. You're also a finalist for Page 2's Understatement of the Year.
35. "Something vegetarian, like grilled cheese or chicken fingers."
-- Rapper/actress Eve
Page 2 spin: We can only hope Eve and Jessica Simpson never decide to open a restaurant together.
34. "I heard what Chris Bosh said, and that's strong words coming from the RuPaul of big men."
-- Cavaliers center Shaquille O'Neal, then with the Suns
Page 2 spin: We'll let that one speak for itself.
33. "I am an angel
because I am here to save the world with my army."
-- Reality TV personality Tila Tequila
Page 2 spin: Actually, Tila, we suspect you're a talent vacuum, here to make America just a little bit dumber.
32. "Even if Tiger is rich, he's also ugly as sin and absolutely not my type."
-- Swedish TV personality Carolina Gynning, on allegedly being propositioned by Tiger Woods
Page 2 spin: Not your type?
31. "I think it has some sort of stone."
-- Lorrie Nantz, testifying in her divorce trial from sportscaster Jim Nantz that she couldn't remember what a $12,000 necklace she purchased one month earlier looked like
Page 2 spin: We suppose you could call that reckless spending, if you want to be picky.
30. "I've got guys from Chicago, Detroit
I'm talking about the 'hood! And I've got guys from Grainger County, where they wear the hood."
-- Tennessee basketball coach Bruce Pearl
Page 2 spin: We'd be surprised if this music isn't appreciated in all those places.
29. "It hasn't been guys on purpose trying to do bad stuff."
-- Florida quarterback Tim Tebow, on the fact that more than 25 Gators players have been arrested since Urban Meyer became coach in 2005.
Page 2 spin: Can we get that on a plaque?
28. "I swear if I had not been on 'Cheers,' I'd have died right there on that beach in Croatia."
-- Actor Woody Harrelson, explaining that being recognized from the show saved him from "some kind of Croatian judo gang or something"
Page 2 spin: It's possible this needs to be filed under "H" for hallucination.
27. "I don't want these young guys to try to follow me. I can't be a role model to guys who make the same amount of money as me."
-- Bobcats guard Stephen Jackson, on formerly being captain of the Warriors
Page 2 spin: So sayeth
Captain Private Jack.
26. "I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like O.J., cutting everybody's throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife
I totally understand O.J. I get it."
-- Professional wrestler Hulk Hogan
Page 2 spin: Holy &%$#.