EDITOR'S NOTE: On occasion, we all need help. But where to turn? Fortunately, Rachel Nichols is here to bring us the special kind of advice that only the world's greatest athletes can dole out. Whether to take it or not ... well, that's up to you. Today's Ill-Advised expert: Adam Vinatieri, New England Patriots kicker.
RACHEL: The man who has won two Super Bowls with his right foot comes to Ill-Advised. If only this was an advice column for feet, we'd never let you leave. As it is, there are a lot of people out there looking for your best pearls of wisdom.
ADAM: Start golfing early.
RACHEL: Not bad advice at all.
ADAM: Either that, or learn how to throw the ball about 95 mph left-handed.
RACHEL: Yeah, I've got to say, any kids I have, I'm tying their right hands to their waists at birth. It's left-handed relief pitcher or bust.
ADAM: Drew Bledsoe's kid, his oldest boy Stu, when he was three years old, he was throwing a tight spiral. I was like, "Oh boy, you've got a career, young man."
RACHEL: Now Drew's not going to have to pay for the kid to go to college.
ADAM: Yeah, because that was a big concern.
RACHEL: It's true -- no pity for Drew. But Jeff Stepnowski needs our help. He writes, "I've been a Bears fan all my life, and I love to tailgate at home games. Unfortunately, my company transferred me to Houston. I've tried watching the Bears on the dish, but it's just not the same. For next season, I'm considering going to a Texans game. Treason or necessity?"
ADAM: Necessity, for sure. If you're a die-hard football fan, you might as well jump on the wagon. And if they get to the next level, you can say you were there.
RACHEL: But he's going to have to deny his true inner self. It would be like working for the CIA. Without the cyanide capsules. And with giant foam fingers.
ADAM: Hey, I was a Miami Dolphins fan when I was a kid, a big Dan Marino fan. But as soon as I signed that deal, I became a New England Patriots man through and through.
RACHEL: Ah, financial compensation, the purest of motives.
ADAM: Like snow.
RACHEL: Exactly. All right, let's see what you've got for Rob Opack from Binghamton, N.Y. Rob writes, "I came home yesterday and found to my tremendous horror that my wife has bought matching outfits for a costume party we are supposed to go to. No lie, they are Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy. When I told her no way, she started to cry. Then she said we could go as Miss Piggy and Kermit instead. What the hell am I supposed to do?"
ADAM: Wait, this is a "Rated-PG" thing, right?
RACHEL: Yes. You can't suggest they go as your favorite adult film stars.
ADAM: Oh no, I wasn't going there. Just this joke I heard about Miss Piggy and Kermit, but I'm going to have to leave it alone. I'll say to Rob, he's going to have to suck it up and take it for the team and hope none of his good buddies has a camera. Kermit wouldn't be so bad.
RACHEL: You're talking about a very small step up from Raggedy Andy. What do you think they should go as?
ADAM: You can always do the football player and cheerleader.
RACHEL: Good for the party and good for after the party.
ADAM: Remember, PG.
RACHEL: True. We must move on. Okay, Greg Jacobs in Madison, Wisconsin, says, "I'm a freshman at Wisconsin, and I get along great with my roommate. He always knows good parties, and he's a pretty cool guy. The only problem is, he's always walking around naked. I've joked around with him that he's got to stop, but he doesn't. And by the way, dude has a lot of hair in some nasty places."
ADAM: Invite his mother over for a Sunday barbeque and don't tell him about it. When she walks into the house and he's naked, he'll consider things a little differently.
RACHEL: Or so we hope. I have a feeling this habit didn't start at college.
OK, next up is Carter Siego, from Long Beach, Calif. He writes, "I totally get taken for granted in my family. If I don't help out around the house, everyone complains; but if I do, no one even says thank you."
ADAM: Welcome to the real world.
RACHEL: ... and he wants to know, "How do I get a little lovin' for all I do?"
ADAM: Well, that's the life of a kicker, basically. My theory is that as long as they're not yelling at you, you should just suck it up and figure you're in good shape. You tell him if he figures out another way, he can call me and let me know.
RACHEL: I have a feeling people around here appreciate you.
ADAM: Yeah, we have great guys around here. And even in other places, if you do something really great, they definitely notice. But if you don't, well, let's just say you hear about it.
RACHEL: So I had to include this next question. It's from Josh Green in Parsons, Kan. Josh writes, "My older brother wants me to go play football at his old college, and follow in his footsteps. Also, people around town are kind of pressuring me into it. But I want to go somewhere else. What should I do?"
I figured you'd have some good insight into this one, since I read you're related to Evel Knievel. When you were a kid, did everyone in town pressure you to jump things on your big wheel?
ADAM: Well he's a ways off on the family tree. He's like my mom's second cousin. But I have talked to him on the phone a handful of times and we send each other Christmas cards and stuff like that. Although I'd never jump over a cliff or gorge or anything.
RACHEL: So do you have any advice for Josh?
ADAM: I have a brother who is two and a half years older, and he was always a little bit bigger and a bit stronger than me, and it made me work harder. The statistics my brother put up kicking in high school, I ended up beating; and the ones he put up in college, I ended up beating. So a little comparison can be good.
RACHEL: So now does your brother go around saying, "I'm Adam's brother," or "I'm Evel Knievel's cousin"?
ADAM: Pretty much depends on whether he wants a free meal or not.
RACHEL: Smart guy. Now, each week we ask the same final question: What's the best advice you can give to the people out there?
ADAM: Just whatever you do, do it to the best of your abilities. No joking around. Whatever you do, you have to put your name on it -- your job, your hobby. It's your integrity, and be strong about it and support it 100 percent.
RACHEL: Nice. And straight from the man himself. Next time ... we interview the foot.
Got an issue or a question, or otherwise need to be 'Ill-Advised' in the future? Send it to Rachel Nichols right here.