By Page 2 staff
ESPN.com

If you can pull yourself away from your fantasy draft for a second, Page 2 would like to cordially remind you that football is also played on Saturday.

Yes, we're talking about college football. To clear up any confusion, college is the place you: a) are at right now; b) went for four, five, six, whatever years; or c) will be paying for until you're dead.

Doesn't matter whether you're a novice to the college game or a seasoned expert. You need to find time for college football. You need to be prepared.

You need Page 2's how-to guide to getting ready for the season.


• Lobby the NCAA that "Fighting Irish'' is an offensive stereotype to the descendants of Ireland. Not because of the use of the leprechaun, but because they stink.

• Keep your fellow Sooners academically eligible by helping them download the school fight song on their iPods for five credits in music appreciation.

• Just for the heck of it, secede from the Big East.

• Whenever you do something well, slap a sticker on the side of your head.

• Start your own booster training program by giving exceptional co-workers your car.

• Prepare your own weekly top 25. Why not? You have just as much legitimacy as the BCS.

• Invite your friends and neighbors to join your Ty Willingham support group.

• Every Saturday, apologize to your loved ones and tell them you're going to be stuck in the office all day. (The Office Beer Bar and Grill is located on South St. in Morristown, N.J.)

• Get a jump on the season by purchasing the domain name: FireUrbanMeyer.com

• Memorize a word a day from the Keith Jackson-to-English Dictionary. "Rumbling, bumbling, stumbling" equals: Running. "Hoss" equals: Offensive lineman, etc.

• Start judging friends and colleagues solely on their times in the 40. When necessary, use the bench press as a tiebreaker.

• Embrace your inner "playa-hater," because we all know loving your team isn't nearly as much fun as hating someone else's.

• Enroll in a dance class to get up close to athletes in their academic environment.

• Hold a press conference at your place of employment to announce you will be returning next season.

• Volunteer to become your alma mater's Whizzinator sales representative. (School colors available.)

• Start shaving your chest now for easy application of painted school letters during shirtless shows of support. Unsightly razor burn? Now that's a rookie mistake.

Jim Caple, Bomani Jones, Jeff Merron, Eric Neel, Mike Philbrick and Dan Shanoff contributed to this primer.




Page
2
staff
CHEAT SHEET