The Weekly Best for July 27
Welcome to The Weekly Best, our look at the tops in sports, pop culture and Hogan family wedding updates.
Best get your popcorn ready: Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco might be teaming up on the Bengals.
Best way to end your final Tour de France: Probably not in 23rd place and delaying the start of the final leg of the race because your teammates were wearing illegal jerseys that honored cancer victims.
Best double-check your Starbury speak: A report in the People's Daily of China saying that Stephon Marbury claimed he was contacted by the Heat was revealed to be the result of a faulty translation.
Best teams to never throw no-hitters: San Diego Padres and New York Mets.
Best friends like this are tough to come by: Charlie Hill, the 21-year-old former BFF of Nick Hogan, is engaged to marry Nick's 50-year-old mom, Linda.
Best hockey fight going on right now: Between the NHL and NHLPA over the league rejecting the 17-year contract Ilya Kovalchuk signed with the Devils.
Best Buckeye national champion currently enrolled at Ohio State: Maurice Clarett is back taking classes after serving 3½ years in prison.
Best show premiering this week: "Jersey Shore"
Best thing to remember about "Jersey Shore:" Snooki, The Situation, Ronnie, Angelina, JWoww and Vinny are actually New Yorkers.
Best reason The Situation has for not talking about the past: Probably because he knows this picture was floating out there.
Best get a better publicist, Snooki: After one of the nicest things this NY Times piece said was that she "simply isn't capable of serious introspection."
Best-grossing movie: Is still "Inception," much to the dismay of Angelina Jolie and her friends who made "Salt."
Best-selling book on the Amazon.com self-help list: "Winning Forever" by former USC and current Seahawks coach Pete Carroll.
Best Jheri curl you won't see this season: Pedro Martinez has decided he's not pitching in 2010.
Best carry your own %*&@ pads!: You hear that, Roy Williams?
Best time to go out to an Italian restaurant: Is not any night after reading up on the Karen Cunagin Sypher extortion trial that began this week.
Best place for Reggie Bush's own copy of the Heisman Trophy: Is back with the people who gave it to him.
Best player on Team USA going into the FIBA World Championships: Is clearly Kevin Durant.
Best description Alabama coach Nick Saban could come up with for sports agents: He called them pimps.
Best next for Scott Dixon at the Honda Indy Edmonton: Helio Castroneves was assessed a blocking penalty, and even though he finished first, he was pushed back to 10th.
Best advice LeBron James could give: Was to tell Chris Paul he should demand a trade out of New Orleans.
Best decision Chris Paul made: Was to back off that demand when he met with team executives Monday.
Best pass him the Advil: West Virginia coach Bob Huggins broke seven ribs in a fall in his Las Vegas hotel room Friday.
Best get your checkbooks ready on Aug. 4: Despite pleas for a delay, the auctioning off of the Texas Rangers will commence as planned.
Best move based on a board game: Apparently, "Battleship," and it will also serve as the acting debut of R&B star Rihanna.
Best-selling song on iTunes right now: Eminem's "Love The Way You Lie" featuring "Battleship" star Rihanna.
Best landmark going green: The Citgo sign seen over Fenway Park's Green Monster is going dark to allow for 218,000 environmentally LED lights to be installed.
Best way to be considered a true Yankee: After NYPD officer Carlos Olmedo awoke from an 11-day coma, the first words he uttered were "Derek Jeter."
Best way to celebrate the spirit of the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club: The 11-hour John Isner and Nicolas Mahut Wimbledon match is the basis for a Durex condom ad.
Best training advice we have is to eat your Wheaties: Despite criticism from experts, MLB began testing the blood of minor leaguers for human growth hormone.
Best place to send deposed BP CEO Tony Hayward: Apparently to BP's operation in Russia.
Best guess on who is getting the last laugh on that: Tony Hayward and his $1.7 million severance package.
Best reason to buy an MLB Gameday Audio subscription: Bob Uecker made his triumphant return to the broadcast booth for the Milwaukee Brewers.
Best example of honesty gone wrong: Timberwolves president David Kahn said during a radio interview that the recently acquired Michael Beasley "smoked too much marijuana" -- resulting in a $100,000 fine for the team.
Best wait to hear from the commish: San Jose is moving forward with a November ballot measure approving financing of a new ballpark for the A's, even though Major League Baseball has yet to approve the team's relocation.
Best way to get a current coach to work for your team: Is to ask the permission of his boss, unless you're Lane Kiffin.
Best movie coming out this week: Is the Paul Rudd-Steve Carell epic "Dinner For Schmucks."
Best replacement for Simon Cowell: Is Chris Isaak, according to the producers of "American Idol."
Best place to go to the bathroom in Rhinebeck, N.Y., this weekend: Is at Chelsea Clinton's wedding, which will rock a hardcore port-o-potty.
Best fuel the haters have had in years: Kate Gosselin and the cast of "Kate Plus 8" are headed to Alaska to film a camping episode with former governor Sarah Palin.
Best-looking person robbed in Brazil last week: Paraguay World Cup fan and lingerie model Larissa Riquelme was relieved of a phone, passport and two digital cameras.
Best wear a hat, or travel with a bunch of cats: Kings of Leon ran off the stage only three songs into a show in St. Louis after being bombarded by pooping birds.
Best stay away from the camera while you're nude guys: Cowboys TE Martellus Bennett joins the ranks of Evan Longoria, Greg Oden, George Hill and Grady Sizemore, after an ex-girlfriend posted nude pics of him online.
Best retirement since Urban Meyer: Amanda Bynes has announced she is officially unretiring from acting -- after one month.
Best way to kill time before jail: Wesley Snipes attended the famous Comic-Con in San Diego while U.S. attorneys argued he should begin serving his three-year prison term for tax evasion immediately.
Best punishment that came about a month too late: French national team soccer coach Laurent Blanc announced all 23 members of the World Cup team will be suspended when they play a friendly against Norway in August.
Best description of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill by an SEC coach: Was given by LSU's Les Miles.
Best not try this with Philadelphia Phillies security: An Orioles fan ran onto the field at Camden Yards while security apparently did little or nothing to stop him.
Best way to celebrate a walk-off win: Is with a pie to the face -- but you could do without the torn meniscus, right, Chris Coghlan?
Mike Philbrick is an editor for Page 2 and the co-host of the Page 2 Podcast. You can contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.