Wonder how O.J. Mayo would do on this quiz ...   

Updated: May 20, 2008, 11:33 AM ET

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Week in Review
Paid attention to the week in sports -- and other stuff, like Hillary Clinton being a buzzer-beating five-point shot away from sending this thing into overtime -- that was? Put your powers of observation and recall to the test with our weekly quiz:

1. Which of the following is most likely to appear in a news story about something positive?
(a) O.J.
(b) USC
(c) None of the above

2. According to an ESPN report, former USC basketball player O.J. Mayo:
(a) Received about $30,000 in cash and gifts over the past four years
(b) Was given the above by a Los Angeles event promoter, Rodney Guillory, who was in turn funded by a sports agency that Mayo later signed with
(c) Can basically be had for the price of a 2008 Honda Accord
(d) All of the above

3. Which of the following items was NOT among the gifts Mayo allegedly received?
(a) Clothes and meals
(b) Airline tickets and telephone service
(c) A flat-screen television
(d) An NCAA compliance handbook

4. According to the ESPN report, Guillory paid for Mayo's gifts with a credit card belonging to:
(a) A phony medical charity
(b) The scarred, desolate remains of his strip-mined conscience

5. Speaking to ESPN.com, Mayo:
(a) Denied any wrongdoing
(b) Used the same cell phone number Guillory provided him, according to T-Mobile records and independent verification by ESPN
(c) Oops

6. Speaking to the Los Angeles Times, Mayo:
(a) Repeated his denial, noting that his mother "still drives the same Toyota Corolla that she drove for the last three years"
(b) Subsequently hopped into a new red Porsche SUV and drove away
(c) Oops

7. Which of the following headlines is the most surprising?
(a) Gas Prices Surge
(b) Bush Vows To Support Israel Against Terror
(c) Former Simpson Friend Claims O.J. Admitted To Killing Ex-Wife
(d) None of the above

8. Memorabilia dealer and former Simpson friend Mike Gilbert claims in an upcoming book that Simpson confessed to the murder of ex-wife Nicole Brown after:
(a) Smoking pot, drinking beer and taking a sleeping pill
(b) An exhausting day of golf and pirating DirecTV

9. When Gilbert said in an interview that "nothing can hurt O.J.," he was referring to:
(a) Simpson lacking the "emotions we have"
(b) Simpson's lawyer claiming Gilbert wrote his book out of spite
(c) A and B
(d) Nordberg

Barry Bonds

AP Photo/Rich Pedroncelli

We miss you, Barry! Well, not really.

10. Identify the image to the right:
(a) A man charged with 14 felony counts of lying to a grand jury about knowingly using performance-enhancing drugs
(b) A man charged with a felony count of obstructing justice in a federal drug investigation
(c) The Ghost of Roger Clemens' Christmas Future
(d) All of the above

11. Which of the following is the most haunting reminder of our short, transitory existence on this planet?
(a) Roman artifacts
(b) Mayan ruins
(c) Report: Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo throw in the towel

12. In a published interview, the Vatican's chief astronomer said it is OK to believe in:
(a) Extraterrestrial life
(b) Sam Cassell

13. During his introductory news conference, new New York Knicks coach Mike D'Antoni announced plans to:
(a) Broker Middle East peace
(b) Create cold fusion
(c) Check the rise of Ryan Seacrest
(d) Win with the current Knicks roster

14. When D'Antoni said, "There's no reason why [we] can't run, be exciting and have good ball movement," he was referring to:
(a) Eddy Curry
(b) Zach Randolph
(c) Stephon Marbury
(d) None of the above

15. D'Antoni also said:
(a) The Knicks' organization is first class
(b) He hasn't read a newspaper, watched television or gone online in three years. Is the housing market still booming?

16. Boston Red Sox left fielder Manny Ramirez announced his intention to:
(a) Become a base-running coach
(b) Abstain from urinating for an entire nine-inning game
(c) Win a Gold Glove
(d) Win with the current Knicks roster

Boston Herald Cover

AP Photo/Stephan Savoia

Hilarious, right?

17. Identify the image to the right:
(a) The Boston Herald, apologizing for a previous report that the New England Patriots videotaped the St. Louis Rams' walk-through prior to Super Bowl XXXVI
(b) The Boston Herald, after 18-1

18. Who enjoys watching the San Diego Chargers' cheerleaders?
(a) You
(b) Me
(c) Ernie Adams
(d) All of the above

19. Following a three-plus-hour meeting with former Patriots video assistant Matt Walsh, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell:
(a) Said no new Spygate information had come to light
(b) Speculated that one of those empty bottles actually could be for bathtub moonshine

20. Which of the following best supports Patriots coach Bill Belichick's previous assertions that his team's video spying was a one on an importance scale of 1-100 and that he simply "misinterpreted" the league rule banning videotaping opponents' coaching signals?
(a) Walsh telling HBO that a Patriots quarterback said the taping program allowed the team to know about 75 percent of the defensive plays run by an opponent
(b) Walsh telling HBO that Patriots coaches relayed opponents' defensive play calls to quarterback Drew Bledsoe
(c) Walsh telling HBO that he knew the spying was illegal and that the Patriots did all they could to avoid being caught
(d) None of the above

21. Sen. Arlen Specter called for an independent investigation of:
(a) Financial risk regulations as they pertain to the subprime mortgage meltdown
(b) Torture policy and practice
(c) Mismanaged illegal immigrant detention and health care
(d) None of the above

22. When Specter said, "They owe the public a lot more candor and credibility," he was referring to:
(a) The NFL
(b) Congress

23. During an interview on a Boston radio station, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady suggested:
(a) Spygate remains in the news because the media needs to sell newspapers and fill airtime
(b) Radio stations talk to him because they need to sell advertising and fill airtime
(c) He throws a football because the Patriots need to sell sponsorships and fill seats
(d) His girlfriend remains in a state of undress because mall chains need to sell lingerie and fill catalog pages

Hank Steinbrenner

AP Photo/Chris O'Meara

We were treated to another eruption this week from the volcano otherwise known as Hank Steinbrenner.

24. New York Yankees senior vice president Hank Steinbrenner told the New York Post:
(a) His players need to earn their money
(b) He has no idea who keeps signing Yankees players to guaranteed contracts

25. Which of the following news items is made up?
(a) Seattle Seahawks linebacker Lofa Tatupu signs $42 million contract
(b) Tatupu apologizes for arrest on suspicion of driving while intoxicated
(c) Tatupu arrested while driving 2006 Hyundai
(d) None of the above

26. A Chicago Sun-Times article:
(a) Referred to Bears quarterback Kyle Orton as "sleek"
(b) Was written by James Frey

27. Which of the following did photographer Spencer Tunick NOT mention when discussing a shoot in which 1,800-plus people posed nude in Vienna's Ernst Happel stadium, which will host the Euro 2008 final?
(a) The spirit of sports
(b) Grand, sweeping waves of stadium architecture
(c) The abstract relation of the human form to modern structures
(d) An inadvertent Terrell Owens cameo

28. According to The Boston Globe, the manager of the bar in the hotel where the Atlanta Hawks stayed before their Game 7 loss to the Boston Celtics ordered his staff to:
(a) Give anyone affiliated with the Hawks a double shot in any alcoholic drink they ordered
(b) Wow -- Isiah Thomas already has found jobs with the Celtics and in Boston bar management?

ANALOGIES

29. Nelson Figueroa : dugout cheering
(a) Goose Gossage : pitcher fist-pumping
(b) Grinch : Christmas
(c) A and B

30. David Stern : stadium pyrotechnics are ridiculous
(a) Investment banks : bundled subprime mortgage securities are ridiculous
(b) Album-buying public : Hootie & the Blowfish are ridiculous
(c) Page 2 : fake quizzes are ridiculous
(d) All of the above

EXTRA CREDIT

31. Citing "babies in the building," NBA commissioner Stern also said his league should consider:
(a) Reducing the volume of arena music
(b) Making LeBron James' mom wear a seat belt

Jim Henson

Ann Clifford/Getty Images

Here's a clue for No. 33.

32. According to a major league ballpark health code violation survey conducted by Portfolio.com, evidence of which of the following types of vermin was NOT found at Yankee Stadium last season?
(a) Mice
(b) Rats
(c) Clemens

33. The Weinstein Co. announced plans to turn which of the following into a live-action musical film?
(a) "Fraggle Rock"
(b) "ALF"
(c) Youppi!
(d) Whatever is on Marv Albert's head

34. A 27-year-old Wales man dressed as Darth Vader:
(a) Was given a suspended sentence for attacking the founders of a group calling itself the "Jedi Church"
(b) Attacked the "Jedi" with a metal crutch while wearing a garbage bag for a cape and yelling "Darth Vader! Jedis!"
(c) Said he couldn't remember the incident because he drank a 2.5-gallon box of wine beforehand
(d) Hopes to see a woman naked someday

35. In an interview with Politico magazine, President Bush said that in order to show solidarity with the families of American soldiers killed in Iraq, he has:
(a) Quit playing golf
(b) Limited his perusal of USA Today's AL box scores to every other day
(c) Steadfastly refused to see any movie from the guys who brought you "Knocked Up" and "The 40-Year-Old Virgin"

ESSAY QUESTION

In two unrelated incidents:

• Former Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams said Bears running back Cedric Benson's boating run-in with police might have gone differently had Williams been aboard, because Williams has "a calming influence on the people I'm around."

• Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens told the Dallas Morning News his guest role on the sitcom "Under One Roof" was an important step toward his goal of having an acting career because instead of just playing himself or a football player, he was portraying a guy "trying to get some money."

In 800 words or less, determine whether Williams and Owens were being: (a) unintentionally ironic, (b) puckishly clever, or (c) staggeringly oblivious.

ANSWER KEY: 1, c, unless the story involves Tropicana and Song Girls; 2, d, and seriously -- only $30K?; 3, d; 4, b; 5-6, c, can't wait for all that vindicating truth to come out; 7, d; 8, a, and that sounds like a drug combination that could potentially … kill someone; 9, c; 10, d; 11, c, and somewhere in Siberia, there's a single person who didn't see that breakup coming; 12, a; 13, d, and good luck with that!; 14, d; 15, a, although in his defense, he might have been talking about the timely distribution of severance and sexual harassment settlement funds; 16, c, although d seems more likely; 17, a; 18, d, and snicker; 19, a; 20-21, d, and looks like someone has Waxman envy; 22-23, a, and we eagerly anticipate Brady's next brainstorm of delightfully original insight; 24, a, and please, Hank, don't ever change; 25, d; 26, a, and get us rewrite!; 27, d; 28, a; 29, c, and God forbid baseball players act like human beings, as opposed to joyless cybernetic killing machines dispatched from the near future to kill Sarah Connor; 30, d; 31, a; 32, c, apparently the kitchen was syringe-free; 33, a, and too bad they didn't give this project to Christopher Nolan; 34, a-c; 35, a; Essay Question: any variation on "probably all three" is acceptable.


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