By Darren RovellESPN.com
ESPN.com's Darren Rovell ran the New York Marathon on Sunday. As if he didn't have enough to think about -- water stops, aching feet, sore arms -- he took notes on his 26.2-mile scamper through New York's five boroughs.
Let's start with the Marathon Expo, which I went to on Friday to pick up my number and runner's packet. Took an hour to get into the door. Yes folks, that many people (more than 35,000 in all) apparently want to torture themselves. One of the things that often goes unnoticed by the spectators is that runners pretty much have to wake up at a minimum of three hours before the race. That's because the route to the start at the beginning of Staten Island closes down and the runners have to board busses that have access to the site. I arrive at the runner's camp at Fort Wadsworth near the start of the Verrazzano Bridge at 6:15 a.m.. Nothing like killing almost four hours before I have to run a five-hour race.
The Verrazzano Bridge has two levels. It was built in 1964, but the suspension bridge didn't achieve its true purpose until the numbers to the New York Marathon grew by so much that the lines for the toilets before the start were unbearable. Thus, there were people urinating off the top level just minutes into the race. Luckily, I was on eye level with them. Those on the bottom level endured the age-old tradition of getting sprayed. For the record, I did not urinate until four hours after I finished.
On the Verrazzano Bridge, I meet Nigel from England. He's wearing the British flag with fake plastic buttocks attached to his behind. I run with him for a couple miles and look to the side to see initial reactions from the people. Many can't stop laughing.
If someone is running the marathon in a costume or is attempting to be evenly mildly creative, odds are extremely high that they are either Irish or British. I spoke to a decked out Scoobie Doo and an Elvis, both of whom were from England and beat me. Note that these are the same people who are sampling beer instead of trying on the new brand of "blister-free" socks at the Marathon expo. To be fair, there were two Americans dressed up as SpongeBob SquarePantses. Not sure what the plural is there.
During the first few miles, I noticed a Kennedy Fried Chicken franchise and was thinking, as I was running, how did they get away with this? It sure sounds like Kentucky Fried Chicken and if that weren't enough it has the exact same red and white colors and the same font as Kentucky Fried Chicken. After the race, I look this up and it turns out there are more than 40 locations. Whose their mascot Colonel Santers? Now I'm thinking about opening a McDowell's next to Kennedy Fried Chicken.
The crowds are tremendous and they helped push me and the others to the finish. But some people I just don't get. Among them, two men screaming, "Ohio, we forgive you" -- a reference to the state helping George W. Bush win a second term in the recent Presidential election. I was also befuddled by the man in Brooklyn (at Mile 7) who was offering runners a pieces of gum. "It's sugarless," he promised the "runnersby."
Nike had some unbelievable signs along the course, but one of them was probably not a good advertising buy. A clever one was an ad posted as runners were exiting Queens and going into Manhattan. This sign, posted near the 15-mile mark, referenced how there was 11.2 miles to go. I am so precise here because the sign really was at the 15-mile mark and there really were 11.2 miles to go. That was not the case for another Nike ad that told runners that there was only 5.2 miles left in the race. Many runners around me noticed that the 21-mile marker came at least .3 of a mile later. That's a big difference when you are running for hours. A company like Nike should know to adjust the creative based on the location they can buy. It was a one-time mess-up for Nike. It was a common occurrence with race fans. Again, most of them help make the New York Marathon the best long race run by extremely stupid people in the world, but some need to know that it's not helpful to announce, "Only a little bit more to go" or completely make up mile marker accomplishments when those statements are completely off.
Another major pet peeve. Those crazy people who realize that they are on the wrong side just as you are passing through, so they attempt to cross over the street with an onslaught of runners approaching. Two times, in the final 10 miles, I almost twisted my ankle trying to adjust my body to avoid these idiots.
Running through Central Park on the final miles was incredible. Except for a young girl holding up a sign that said, "Don't Bonk." This, of course, was referencing the Powerbar commercial, which first ran four years ago, which heeded active athletes not to run out of energy. That's nice, tell your kid to hold up a sign that says "Don't Fail." Perhaps her parents were unaware that "Bonk" is the British slang term for sex. I'm sure a lot of Brits got a good final kick out of a young American holding a sign that said, "Don't Have Sex." Best sign spotted while running through the park: "Running shoes: $99, Nipguards: $10, Finishing the Marathon: Priceless." Despite what the people at the New York Road Runners say the New York Marathon is not 26.2 miles. It's longer with total distance based on what number UPS truck your bag is in. Numbers go from the finish line from 1 on up. My bag that I loaded up on Staten Island was in Truck No. 68. There was a point in time on this post-finish line trek, where I thought to myself, "There's only $20 in there, my cell phone and my iPod -- should I leave it?"So I leave you with the poignant and, today, very relevant words of famous U.S. poet Emma Lazarus, whose poem is inscribed on the Statue of Liberty that stands in New York Harbor.
"Give me your tired, your sore, your huddled masses yearning to use Breathe Rights."
Darren Rovell, who covers sports business for ESPN.com, finished the race in 5:04:13, good for 25,765th place. He can be reached at darren.rovell@espn3.com
