Just in time for Halloween weekend, here's a rundown of the frightening (and not-so-scary) trends in sports and elsewhere:

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Category	Not Scary	Scary
LeBron	Endorsements	Jump shot
Front-row tickets	J-Lo	Steve Bartman
Grady Little	Curses	Decisions
Kobe	Shaq Daddy	Mark Hurlburt
Tiger Woods	Money lists	Major droughts
Barry Bonds	Pitchers	Grand juries
Josh Beckett	The Yankees	Expectations
Damon Stoudamire	Behavior codes	Airport security
Olympics	USA hoops	Drug testing
WUSA	Spending	Solvency
MLB	LCS TV ratings	No Cubs, Red Sox next year
Brawlers	Pedro Martinez	Don Zimmer
NBA factory	Brazil	Argentina
Massacre	Texas Chainshaw	Mavs shot selection
Wide receiver	Terrell Owens	Randy Moss
AFC West	Raiders	Dante Hall
Tennis	All-Belgian finals	Slams w/o Serena, Venus
Home-field advantage	Wrigley	West Virginia
Meg Ryan	Sally	Freaky "In the Cut" woman
Sequel	Joe Millionaire	Nick-Jessica II
Arkansan	Wesley Clark	Paris Hilton
"Playmakers"	Constant drama	Canadian accents
Revived career	Pam Anderson	Jenny McCarthy
Eminem	Court appearance	Rapping judge
Ashton Kutcher	Dating Demi	Stepdad?
Metrosexuals	Salon hairstyling	Pedicures
Fake reality TV	Laughing at others	You're next
BCS	Senate hearings	No unbeaten teams
College hoops	Cameron Crazies	"Code of ethics"
Endorsement	DVR (woo-hoo!)	THG (whoops ...)
The Bachelor	Bob Guiney	Mike Tyson
Retro jersey	Roy Tarpley	Yinka Dare
Halloween costume	Bart Simpson	Steve Bartman
Warren Sapp	Pregame antics	PTI-style TV-show host

Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2. His "Daily Quickie" commentary appears every weekday morning.