It could be that my head is a little cloudy from watching 19 straight days of football, but ...... I think I just saw Donovan McNabb scramble left, scramble right, scramble left again, 14 seconds all told, finally launch a pass, off-balance and across his body, that traveled about 50 yards in the air and landed softly in the streaking hands of Freddie Mitchell.
... I swear I heard a certain commercial for a certain product invoke the words "improve your lovemaking," and then saw Terrell Owens imitate a speed skater in the end zone. But it could be that my brain is scrambling images right now or that T.O. has lined up a new endorsement.
... I just peered inside my fridge and saw eight jars of half-eaten salsa.
... I think I just saw Louisville score another touchdown.
Food consumed: Brie and champagne fondue, courtesy of Mrs. Couch Potato. Baked apple dessert with whipped cream, courtesy of Mrs. Couch Potato.
Diet sodas: Zero.
Time spent raking leaves: Zero.
Final salsa rankings:
It appears I may have been a little lax in my salsa rankings. What can I say? All salsa is good salsa.
Weight gained: The final tally is only two pounds. I guess it could have been a lot worse. Thank goodness for all the leaves. And, yes, all the leaf-raking numbers were true and accurate.
... Nobody has called Bill Parcells a genius for several weeks now.
It could be that I've had too many chips and too much salsa over the last three weeks, that I haven't loosened my belt and as a result I'm not breathing properly or seeing things the way I should, but ...
... It's too bad Ohio State didn't appear on the schedule during these 19 days of football, because the Buckeyes are scrambling better than McNabb right now.
... Auburn's nonconference schedule included Louisiana-Monroe, Louisiana Tech and I-AA Citadel. Am I missing something here?
... It appears Peyton Manning just threw another touchdown pass.
... Upon further review, we give the edge to Oregon over USC.
Now maybe it's too many diet sodas, too many sideline reports, too many mentions of "cover two," too many shots of tuba players and screaming college students, too many Drew Bledsoe incompletions, too many leaves raked, and all that has caused my brain to lose vital cells that affect my ability to think clearly, but ...
... I think Utah could beat one of those other undefeated teams if they get the chance.
... I think Hawaii just gave up another touchdown.
Day 8: Louisville 56, Memphis 49: 5 potatoes
Day 3: Oklahoma 38, Oklahoma State 35: 5 potatoes
Day 12: Colts 31, Vikings 28: 4 potatoes
Day 17: Iowa 29, Minnesota 27: 4 potatoes
Day 9: Akron 31, Marshall 28: 4 potatoes
Day 1: Virginia Tech 34, Georgia Tech 20: 4 potatoes
Day 7: South Florida 45, UAB 20: 4 potatoes
Day 19: Eagles 49, Cowboys 21: 3 potatoes
Day 14: Louisville 55, TCU 28: 3 potatoes
Day 6: Miami (Ohio) 23, Toledo 16: 3 potatoes
Day 15: Florida State 17, N.C. State 10: 2 potatoes
Day 11: Ravens 27, Browns 13: 2 potatoes
Day 10: Utah 63, Colorado State 31: 2 potatoes
Day 13: Toledo 31, Northern Illinois 17: 2 potatoes
Day 4: Bears 23, 49ers 13: 1 potato
Day 18: Patriots 29, Bills 6: 1 potato
Day 2: Boise State 69, Hawaii 3: 1 potato
Day 16: Fresno State 70, Hawaii 14: 1 potato
Day 5: Jets 41, Dolphins 14: 1 potato
... I believe Florida State just threw another incomplete pass.
... Just wondering what happened to Eric Dickerson.
... Just wondering if the Eagles go 15-1 and the other teams in the NFC all finish 8-8, who makes the playoffs? And is this a good thing?
... Just wondering what Bill Parcells is thinking today, after the Cowboys gave up 49 points, the most they've ever allowed in a home game, got embarrassed on national TV, have a 41-year-old quarterback, no running game, have lost their last three games by 21, 23 and 28 points, and Terrell Owens just imitated a speed skater on your home turf?
Anyway, it's been fun. Football is an important slice of American culture, and I lived it for 19 days in a row.
Today, the chips will remain in the cupboard and the salsa will be saved for another day. I will not think of the BCS or watch SportsCenter. No football, not today. The TV will remain off.
I'll read a book instead.David Schoenfield is an editor for Page 2 in his day job. He can be reached at email@example.com.
Couch Diary: One day to go
Couch Diary: A stinker
Couch Diary: College vs. NFL
Couch Diary: The wall
Couch Diary: Missed on Mondays
Couch Diary: A rough weekend
Couch Diary: Pointsapalooza
Couch Diary: No commercial break
Couch Diary: The biggest battleground
Couch Diary: Monday night massacre
Couch Diary: Everything is OK
Couch Diary: Opening night